First Born

Mitch · 12-23-2014, 11:23 AM

When I have a child, we will raise as one.
Never passing by without exclaiming love.
I'll let it touch the sky, help it make it up.
Tell it something nice whenever waking up.

I'll catch it when it falls, bandage up the scrapes.
Whenever it will call, I'll answer, come in haste.
Tell it it's my all, and that nothing's changed
if it has been wrong. Shelter it from Shame.

I'll sell it all our goals, until it finds its own.
We'll pelt the cars with stones, until the sirens moan.
I'll protect its scars with clothes, that stretch as far as lies
I let it onto more as it's stretching for the skies...

and then when it lifts the night, as high as one can take,
or when it emits a light, as bright as summer days,
I'll remember that it was I who supplied the gust and wings,
I'll measure within its pride, I'll try to suck the blame.

Clayray · 12-23-2014, 11:49 AM

Simple, but effective. I liked the whole theme really, and you'll make a great father if you're not already one. My favorite line: "I'll protect its scars with clothes, that stretch as far as lies
I let it onto more as it's stretching for the skies..." You did a nice job here of keeping on topic and also touching base on how one might feel before they have their first kid. The whole "I'm going to be a great dad" thing. I like this, keep writin my friend!

Mitch · 12-23-2014, 04:36 PM

thanks man, ive struggled alot wiht actaully saying something in my rhymes instead of just of focusing on rhymes, and its good to know im getting the balance now, and thanks for the compliment, in not a father but, ill hope to be a good one

Wise Wiggles · 12-23-2014, 06:41 PM

This was nice. Could feel a real sense sincerity with your words.
Probably the most feel good thing a man can write about. Raising a seed.
Molding it's every step. I needed to read this. Been having a real tough time of it. I need to stay positive. But stay up man. Keep honing your craft..
Life is all about balance.

12-23-2014, 11:23 AM	#1
Mitch Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 160 Rep Power: 2208351	First Born When I have a child, we will raise as one. Never passing by without exclaiming love. I'll let it touch the sky, help it make it up. Tell it something nice whenever waking up. I'll catch it when it falls, bandage up the scrapes. Whenever it will call, I'll answer, come in haste. Tell it it's my all, and that nothing's changed if it has been wrong. Shelter it from Shame. I'll sell it all our goals, until it finds its own. We'll pelt the cars with stones, until the sirens moan. I'll protect its scars with clothes, that stretch as far as lies I let it onto more as it's stretching for the skies... and then when it lifts the night, as high as one can take, or when it emits a light, as bright as summer days, I'll remember that it was I who supplied the gust and wings, I'll measure within its pride, I'll try to suck the blame. __________________ Soundcloud.com/TheDirtySerpent Last edited by Mitch; 01-07-2015 at 12:59 AM.

12-23-2014, 04:36 PM	#3
Mitch Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 160 Rep Power: 2208351	thanks man, ive struggled alot wiht actaully saying something in my rhymes instead of just of focusing on rhymes, and its good to know im getting the balance now, and thanks for the compliment, in not a father but, ill hope to be a good one __________________ Soundcloud.com/TheDirtySerpent

12-23-2014, 06:41 PM	#4
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	This was nice. Could feel a real sense sincerity with your words. Probably the most feel good thing a man can write about. Raising a seed. Molding it's every step. I needed to read this. Been having a real tough time of it. I need to stay positive. But stay up man. Keep honing your craft.. Life is all about balance. __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

12-23-2014, 11:49 AM	#2
Clayray 6ft of Seperation Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 1,541 Battle Record: 3-5 Champed - Faggot of the Year (2015) Rep Power: 0	Simple, but effective. I liked the whole theme really, and you'll make a great father if you're not already one. My favorite line: "I'll protect its scars with clothes, that stretch as far as lies I let it onto more as it's stretching for the skies..." You did a nice job here of keeping on topic and also touching base on how one might feel before they have their first kid. The whole "I'm going to be a great dad" thing. I like this, keep writin my friend!