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Old 01-05-2015, 06:31 PM   #1
Legion Of Cocks in my mouth
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Default The Empty Mirror

'The Empty Mirror'

The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart.
- St. Jerome


In reality,
A mirror only contains what's in front of it,
But what if what's in front of it,
Suffers from punishment.
An anxiety ridden,
Casualty stricken,
Reflection of self.
A house,
Wife and kids isn't exactly my perception of wealth.
No, my reflection hides behind the 50% I just tipped the waitress,
A bottle of Cabernet,
And a Versace suit that she insists is tasteless.
My morals reside,
Where normalcy dies,
The most sickening of places.
Faceless people exist in the realm of shattered confidence,
Because the mirror never shows the outcome,
Facts or consequence.
Your Rolex brings envy,
But insecurities fracture dominance.
As a man,
I understand,
You can never bend or fold,
But handshakes matter,
And champagne showers,
Don't cleanse your soul.

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Old 01-05-2015, 06:43 PM   #2
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Dagel?
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Old 01-05-2015, 06:48 PM   #3
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what
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Old 01-05-2015, 06:54 PM   #4
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Nevermind. I dig the shorter lines. The "faceless people" line is one I didn't like though. Purty cool.
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Old 01-05-2015, 08:21 PM   #5
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this feels like half a monologue opposing materialism and half of your own internal musings.

My morals reside,
Where normalcy dies

something like this. very inward.

your concept of the 'empty' mirror that contains nothing inherently but only what posits itself within the mirror was an interesting foundation. you built something that felt a bit shallow given the brevity of the verse. you touched on pretty basic ideals of what well associate with materialism and egoism and identity built on both. rolex, suit, liquor, etc.

you could have taken a few more liberties as far as describing this type of crisis. something more personal? less universal? i guess

thanks for the read, i guess PMing for feed is not a dead art. worked for you this time!

take care, ill be looking out
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Old 01-06-2015, 02:49 AM   #6
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Old 01-06-2015, 03:08 AM   #7
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definitely. when you pose a grander narrative, it broadens the audience that can capture, but catastrophically narrows an emotional connectivity. The shorter lines were reminiscent of Zen, but the key difference is narrative. He'd tell you a story, a bit philosophical, but will digest on the basis that it is....an observation! A lesson! Here it was broad and spoke to anybody, which is good! I liked it.
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Old 01-07-2015, 10:25 PM   #8
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Thanks for the feed bros
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Old 01-08-2015, 06:21 PM   #9
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deepest section to me was this line

Because the mirror never shows the outcome,
Facts or consequence.

worded in a way that made the image of staring in a mirror I dunno...nice

overall smooth transitions flow perfect..this was solid!

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Old 01-08-2015, 07:52 PM   #10
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Ayy whatup kin
Good shit in the 1-2

Thanks for the feed man
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Old 01-08-2015, 08:29 PM   #11
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This is Legion from rap dome, anyway, this was so deep.
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Old 01-08-2015, 09:22 PM   #12
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Never been on RD

Thanks for the peep though lol
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