AOWL CHAMPIONSHIP: Certain (5-0) vs Mr. J (4-1) -- Certain 6-0

King Ra. · 11-04-2014, 05:35 AM

AOWL Season IV, Week 6

OFFICIAL RULES:
Verses are due Friday, November 7th, 11:59p.m. PCT/2:59a.m. EST/7:59a.m. UK. There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 16 lines.

Votes are due Sunday, November 9th, 11:59p.m. PCT/2:59a.m. EST/7:59a.m. UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

TOPIC:

The Time Is Now

Good luck. @Mr. J @Certain

Mr. J · 11-07-2014, 05:39 PM

I scrap a page from my theories and dispose of an idea I had
does it compete with the grasp that came complete in my hand
I watch it, seeing it rise til' it explodes creating the sweetest surprise
I'm not believing my eyes, you rode with it til' it leaked in my thighs
from the screams of delight, I see now my very meaning in life
I penetrate the deepest of minds searching for a "Eden" of mine
sacred territories, those that are too beautiful to openly expose
"Hope" closely composed to the melodies and the emotions we hold
with your voice controlling these notes until your siren's song potency grows..
I openly show a love for you when you are here holding me close
whispering your poetry, prose that has become globally known...
at least in my eyes, I drift off to each stroke of your finger tips
this lust that I linger with, puts me in a dream I'd never think to quit
this desire burning deep, so deep its harder to thoroughly extinguish it
I know the moment is here, the time is now...what am I rhyming about?
common conceptions bout a love, my feelings bout what the Open Mic's about

Certain · 11-08-2014, 12:06 AM

And as the sleek blue rocket descended upon,
and as the geese and ducks emptied the pond,
and as the Empire City went distraught in its pleas,
something brought you to me.

New York under attack. The carousel in Central Park,
where we spent those nights, those tempting larks,
swirling in the fountains, testing dark. Restless hearts.
Now. Under the empty arch. Pigeon abandonment issues.
A few vandals, spraying their names as one last canvas is scribbled.
Police on alert. Walking the blocks amid the calm of the shock.
No one with nowhere to go in no time till the bomb hits its spot.

But us. You chase me to the edge of the creek,
sinking your toes in one at a time in a sensuous tease,
and, with enviable ease, you flip your hair back, exposing the skies,
and you grin. A wide grin. One that extends to the glow of your eyes.

Vulgar · 11-08-2014, 02:58 PM

Mr. J - The way you write is reader friendly and you come off as genuine, this one just didn't capture me. For one, it was up in the air in terms of what your stance was on the open mic thing - yes, you love to write, which is why you write, so I wasn't getting why you seemed unsure or neutral at the end about the art of it. Searching for escapism in the immediate circumstances of the present as an interpretation of "the time is now" was sort of a pitfall for the piece, in my eyes. I was looking for more of a solid purpose.

Certain - Something photogenic from an apocalyptic standpoint. Fair use of imagery here. It displayed pleasantries but wasn't gushing with any goodness. "A wide grin" is a forced way of describing a happy, serene situation, IMO. Aside from that slight mismatch (just my preference) it was okay.

My vote goes to Certain. He made a definitive mark with his verse.

Zen · 11-08-2014, 05:47 PM

J, from the opening down until the potency line this was great. The Eden line especially stood out to me. It came off as effortless to you. The other half on the other hand I wasn't really feeling at all, and that really gave me a bad opinion of this verse. If you had closed this out as strong as you started, you would've been tough to beat this week.

Certain, you were the exact opposite of J this week. You started off slow and picked up as the verse went along, especially the ending. It built up but then it just ENDED. That made me think of a Paul Thomas Anderson movie, any of his movies really. I've seen better from you though, but you did enough to win this week.

V/Certain

CopyPat · 11-09-2014, 09:52 PM

hmm.. i had a tough time with this one.

j i liked ur idea about writing being ur love or whatever, i guess its been done before but it was still a pretty good idea, i just didn't think the execution was real great though.

certain urs was kinda pancakeish the way it was written. emo/poetic. ha
i think ur rhymes were a little more technical and smooth and i liked the imagery of describing what nyc is like now after all the bombing. was a cool contrast. i guess ur idea on the topic was just taking it literally like this is what its like now. seemed too direct from you. not that i dont like that, just really haven't seen you approach a topic so literally yet.

i gotta go with curtain on this one. i just think his writing was much stronger overall. mj i liked ur idea but im not sure i bought what it had to do with "the time is now" other than its time to write? i wish you woulda expanded/related to the topic a little more. idunno neither verse really blew me away in this battle. i think you've both got more to offer..

Vote : sir tin

Greed · 11-09-2014, 10:12 PM

Not necessarily a blowout but certain has a way of saying a lot in a short verse. As for a championship match I felt both were lackluster but certain brought a bit more emotion to his piece with his closing 4 which I interpreted as his life flashing before his eyes. Just felt it more

V certain

Dove Dozer · 11-09-2014, 10:44 PM

i feel certain took this with a stronger story here. more potent lines imo. said lots with less words. i like the poetic feel of the first 4 lines. It was just more captivating that mr J verse this week.

vote - certain

UnbornBuddha · 11-10-2014, 12:34 AM

Mr J I interpreted your verse in various ways. It is abstract, yet to the point. What is this siren that beckons you with creative forces. The same siren that draws you closer to Eden. Is an imaginative figment of a paradise construed when you devise a melody. I can't say I fully am on the mark. I get the love for creating poetry part, but what is that enticing voice you alluded to? Is it your own, or perhaps another intimate segment of who you let into your mental and reality, which whispers to you and unlocks neural surges of creative messages that allow you to compose. Now I'm not discounting your piece because there was this questions. Simply trying to make sense of it. I liked it, but did not love it. Why? Because while beautiful, it still had this redundancy to it. Not because your question the process of composition, that is an important process every writer must take. Rather, it was the direction you chose to embark on. Now I can't fault you for whatever path you chose to take, well I could, but I am not one to do so. What I do suggest is to calculate your steps more, so that which is mysterious becomes more readily available as you transmit it. It is almost like you are confused in the process itself, and this brought a disproportionality to the piece as a whole.

Certain, I interpreted this as a romantic match up during the disastrous 9/11. I am perplexed how you went from the setting of the metropolitan giant of NY, and suddenly brought out this creek out of nowhere, while beforehand speaking of this desolation. It would have been nice if you distilled a more interlinked setting. However, I liked this very much. To me you targeted the topic very candidly, and proceeded to state the relevance of remaining in the moment, even while disaster brought its ugly head out from its dwelling. That is all I have to say.

Vote: Certain.

11-04-2014, 05:35 AM	#1
King Ra. The Throne, The Crown Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,667 Battle Record: 21-35 Rep Power: 1932963	AOWL CHAMPIONSHIP: Certain (5-0) vs Mr. J (4-1) -- Certain 6-0 AOWL Season IV, Week 6 OFFICIAL RULES: Verses are due Friday, November 7th, 11:59p.m. PCT/2:59a.m. EST/7:59a.m. UK. There are NO extensions. Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 16 lines. Votes are due Sunday, November 9th, 11:59p.m. PCT/2:59a.m. EST/7:59a.m. UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week. TOPIC: The Time Is Now Good luck. @Mr. J @Certain __________________ Vetwork, bitches. Last edited by King Ra.; 11-04-2014 at 02:55 PM.

11-07-2014, 05:39 PM	#2
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	I scrap a page from my theories and dispose of an idea I had does it compete with the grasp that came complete in my hand I watch it, seeing it rise til' it explodes creating the sweetest surprise I'm not believing my eyes, you rode with it til' it leaked in my thighs from the screams of delight, I see now my very meaning in life I penetrate the deepest of minds searching for a "Eden" of mine sacred territories, those that are too beautiful to openly expose "Hope" closely composed to the melodies and the emotions we hold with your voice controlling these notes until your siren's song potency grows.. I openly show a love for you when you are here holding me close whispering your poetry, prose that has become globally known... at least in my eyes, I drift off to each stroke of your finger tips this lust that I linger with, puts me in a dream I'd never think to quit this desire burning deep, so deep its harder to thoroughly extinguish it I know the moment is here, the time is now...what am I rhyming about? common conceptions bout a love, my feelings bout what the Open Mic's about __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

11-09-2014, 09:52 PM	#6
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	hmm.. i had a tough time with this one. j i liked ur idea about writing being ur love or whatever, i guess its been done before but it was still a pretty good idea, i just didn't think the execution was real great though. certain urs was kinda pancakeish the way it was written. emo/poetic. ha i think ur rhymes were a little more technical and smooth and i liked the imagery of describing what nyc is like now after all the bombing. was a cool contrast. i guess ur idea on the topic was just taking it literally like this is what its like now. seemed too direct from you. not that i dont like that, just really haven't seen you approach a topic so literally yet. i gotta go with curtain on this one. i just think his writing was much stronger overall. mj i liked ur idea but im not sure i bought what it had to do with "the time is now" other than its time to write? i wish you woulda expanded/related to the topic a little more. idunno neither verse really blew me away in this battle. i think you've both got more to offer.. Vote : sir tin __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

11-09-2014, 10:44 PM	#8
Dove Dozer loose leaf bruce lee Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,077 Battle Record: 7-6 Rep Power: 1853216	i feel certain took this with a stronger story here. more potent lines imo. said lots with less words. i like the poetic feel of the first 4 lines. It was just more captivating that mr J verse this week. vote - certain __________________

11-08-2014, 12:06 AM	#3
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	And as the sleek blue rocket descended upon, and as the geese and ducks emptied the pond, and as the Empire City went distraught in its pleas, something brought you to me. New York under attack. The carousel in Central Park, where we spent those nights, those tempting larks, swirling in the fountains, testing dark. Restless hearts. Now. Under the empty arch. Pigeon abandonment issues. A few vandals, spraying their names as one last canvas is scribbled. Police on alert. Walking the blocks amid the calm of the shock. No one with nowhere to go in no time till the bomb hits its spot. But us. You chase me to the edge of the creek, sinking your toes in one at a time in a sensuous tease, and, with enviable ease, you flip your hair back, exposing the skies, and you grin. A wide grin. One that extends to the glow of your eyes.

11-08-2014, 02:58 PM	#4
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Mr. J - The way you write is reader friendly and you come off as genuine, this one just didn't capture me. For one, it was up in the air in terms of what your stance was on the open mic thing - yes, you love to write, which is why you write, so I wasn't getting why you seemed unsure or neutral at the end about the art of it. Searching for escapism in the immediate circumstances of the present as an interpretation of "the time is now" was sort of a pitfall for the piece, in my eyes. I was looking for more of a solid purpose. Certain - Something photogenic from an apocalyptic standpoint. Fair use of imagery here. It displayed pleasantries but wasn't gushing with any goodness. "A wide grin" is a forced way of describing a happy, serene situation, IMO. Aside from that slight mismatch (just my preference) it was okay. My vote goes to Certain. He made a definitive mark with his verse.

11-08-2014, 05:47 PM	#5
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	J, from the opening down until the potency line this was great. The Eden line especially stood out to me. It came off as effortless to you. The other half on the other hand I wasn't really feeling at all, and that really gave me a bad opinion of this verse. If you had closed this out as strong as you started, you would've been tough to beat this week. Certain, you were the exact opposite of J this week. You started off slow and picked up as the verse went along, especially the ending. It built up but then it just ENDED. That made me think of a Paul Thomas Anderson movie, any of his movies really. I've seen better from you though, but you did enough to win this week. V/Certain

11-09-2014, 10:12 PM	#7
Greed Raw Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 1,721 Battle Record: 21-40 Rep Power: 29975687	Not necessarily a blowout but certain has a way of saying a lot in a short verse. As for a championship match I felt both were lackluster but certain brought a bit more emotion to his piece with his closing 4 which I interpreted as his life flashing before his eyes. Just felt it more V certain

11-10-2014, 12:34 AM	#9
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	Mr J I interpreted your verse in various ways. It is abstract, yet to the point. What is this siren that beckons you with creative forces. The same siren that draws you closer to Eden. Is an imaginative figment of a paradise construed when you devise a melody. I can't say I fully am on the mark. I get the love for creating poetry part, but what is that enticing voice you alluded to? Is it your own, or perhaps another intimate segment of who you let into your mental and reality, which whispers to you and unlocks neural surges of creative messages that allow you to compose. Now I'm not discounting your piece because there was this questions. Simply trying to make sense of it. I liked it, but did not love it. Why? Because while beautiful, it still had this redundancy to it. Not because your question the process of composition, that is an important process every writer must take. Rather, it was the direction you chose to embark on. Now I can't fault you for whatever path you chose to take, well I could, but I am not one to do so. What I do suggest is to calculate your steps more, so that which is mysterious becomes more readily available as you transmit it. It is almost like you are confused in the process itself, and this brought a disproportionality to the piece as a whole. Certain, I interpreted this as a romantic match up during the disastrous 9/11. I am perplexed how you went from the setting of the metropolitan giant of NY, and suddenly brought out this creek out of nowhere, while beforehand speaking of this desolation. It would have been nice if you distilled a more interlinked setting. However, I liked this very much. To me you targeted the topic very candidly, and proceeded to state the relevance of remaining in the moment, even while disaster brought its ugly head out from its dwelling. That is all I have to say. Vote: Certain.