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#1 |
Super Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 7,420
Battle Record: 70-25
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - Battle Arena
- BA Picture
- Picture Battle Tournament
- Netcees Battle League (3x)
- Netcees Writers League (2x)
- Summer Classic VI
- Fall Brawl III
- Netcees Battle League Season X
- Lyric Olympics
Rep Power: 77164519 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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parental guidance is an essential priceless future lesson
children can use affection instead of being stuck in the maze of a loser’s presence choose direction… as one must take pride in raising a piece of yourself but to relieve them of hell & see them excel you must first believe in your help your seed is your world, did money mold yours? Did you take the easy way out after one closed door? It’s not simple though but did you know… bold whores who sold more on road tours usually only develop cold sores & so forth it’s a cold war… the general must take action & praise passion just picture failure in your family portrait as pain’s caption accept change, grasp it… u don’t want to see your plan fail fan males only want to slam ale then watch pants trail jam tail & scram, sail don’t be so damn frail… a proud parent doesn’t always have a sound marriage but live it right find your courage & give it might, ignite your purpose & give it light eye to eye you must learn to synchronize… hope you’re thinking twice before your next move the devil will test you… friends’ll impress too, stretch truth & take advantage of your best suit so what does the flesh prove? Don’t accept disrespect when they address you color is honor but no differences while injustice preaches instances progress is infinite, don’t ever feel limited |
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#2 |
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 8,898
Battle Record: 27-22
Rep Power: 85899399 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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yo go drop some comments on some peoples stuff, don't wanna lock this
Ill feed this after u do though
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http://split8.yolasite.com Last edited by Split; 08-15-2013 at 06:12 PM. |
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#3 |
SYRACUSE
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,031
Battle Record: 31-37
Champed - Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament
Rep Power: 4743547 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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this was dope af tbh. Never seen a style like it, cool innovation...I like this more than your other flex pieces b/c it fleshes out your character a bit more and shows u have plenty of knowledge to drop. Drop more OMs bro
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#4 | |
Mad fucking dangerous.
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,066
Battle Record: 40-19
Champed - AOWL Season 3
- Art of Writing League (2x)
Rep Power: 85899406 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Of the three-or-so verses I've read by you, this is definitely my favorite. You had some things to get off your chest on this topic, and it really showed. The rhymes were fun and all, but I liked this verse more when you backed off a little bit (though you never fully took your foot off the gas with the rhymes, which is appreciated).
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As far as criticism, the line starting with "fan males" stood out for the wrong reasons, and I wish you had gone a little deeper with rhymes instead of backing off after each couplet. Obviously, that can be a challenge when you're using so many internal rhymes, but it would have been nice to see you mix it up a bit more. This was very good, though.
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I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws. |
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#5 | ||
HALL OF FAME
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: portal 7 to the 9th exponent
Posts: 16,160
Battle Record: 3-5
Rep Power: 0 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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#backpacker, nice title faggot |
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