WEEK SIXTEEN: ADVERSE (7-4) vs MIKE WRECKA (4-2) MIKE WINS VIA FORFEIT

[Adverse]

AOWL Season X FINAL WEEK

@Mike Wrecka

Verse Due: AUGUST 16TH @ 11:59PM EST

Line min: 10

Max: 40


Rules: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=150311

Topic:
YOU WILL BE CHOOSING YOUR OWN TOPIC THIS WEEK. It doesn’t matter what it is just stay within your line limit and have fun!





GOOD LUCK

[Mike Wrecka]

I chose three different topics and used the same verse for each (with very minor tweaks, a word change here or there). Do your best to read the verse before looking at the topics









When I was born, my owners were there to spectate, their words were foreign, so I wasn’t aware they said “take,
him from his mother” , as soon as she began to menstruate , they used a template to give me shots in the chest plate,
a few weeks later, it was decided to be the best date, for me to be castrated so my hormones could regulate,
I was then moved away from my home, scared and alone, transported by creatures with features that were strange, compared to my own,
I just stared, in a zone, until I arrived where I’d be shown, to potential buyers that wanted companionship unaware of my woes,
I was randomly thrown into a satchel, it was quiet and cold, carried by something bigger than me in their private control,
when we finally arrived I cried, as I was supplied with a bowl, the complexity of their dwelling was something for my eyes to behold,
I tried to console, myself but it wasn’t happening, when I saw there was no escape i started panicking ,
but they had treats for me sorted in assorted packaging , stacked ever so neatly on supportive scaffolding ,
these beings took care of me, supplied all that I needed, and would you believe it I was never mistreated ,
so I was obedient they told me when to be seated , through selective breeding all of my aggressions deleted ,
told what to do where to go the way a possession is treated, get a pat on the back after each training session completed ,
if I succeeded I get to lay down and relax , sometimes taken on walks, to defecate on the ground in the back ,
they pick it up and carry it around in a sack , while I look for local wildlife if any is found I attack ,
or at least I try, I’m kept on a short leash, only get a small amount of freedom with this sort of release,
have to remain on the floor they want me to stay off of the seats, locked in a cage when they go to a resort with a beach ,
but in the end they love me so I don’t feel imprisoned, and yes my species wasn’t always in this position,
the alien invasion was something we won’t soon forget, we were taken off planet and turned into human pets















When I was born, my owners were there to spectate, their words were foreign, so I wasn’t aware they said “take,
him from his mother” , as soon as she began to menstruate , they used a template to give me shots in the chest plate,
a few weeks later, it was decided to be the best date, for me to be castrated so my hormones could regulate,
I was then moved away from my home, scared and alone, transported by creatures with features that were strange, compared to my own,
I just stared, in a zone, until I arrived where I’d be shown, to potential buyers that wanted companionship unaware of my woes,
I was randomly thrown into a satchel, it was quiet and cold, carried by something bigger than me in their private control,
when we finally arrived I cried, as I was supplied with a bowl, the complexity of their dwelling was something for my eyes to behold,
I tried to console, myself but it wasn’t happening, when I saw there was no escape i started panicking,
but they had treats for me sorted in assorted packaging , stacked ever so neatly on supportive scaffolding ,
the government took care of me, supplied all that I needed, and would you believe it I was never mistreated ,
so I was obedient they told me when to be seated , through selective breeding all of my aggressions deleted ,
told what to do where to go the way a possession is treated, get a pat on the back after each training session completed ,
if I succeeded I get to lay down and relax , sometimes taken on walks, to defecate on the ground in the back ,
I pick it up and carry it around in a sack , while I hunt for local wildlife if any is found I attack ,
or at least I try, I’m kept on a short leash, only get a small amount of freedom with this sort of release,
have to stay in my home they want me to stay off of the streets, or I’ll be locked in a cage when they go to a resort with a beach ,
but in the end they love me so I don’t feel imprisoned, and yes my country wasn’t always in this position,
the communist invasion was something we won’t soon forget, we were taken from our homes and stripped of our strength





When I was born, my owners were there to spectate, their words were foreign, so I wasn’t aware they said “take,
him from his mother” , as soon as she began to menstruate , they used a template to give me shots in the chest plate,
a few weeks later, it was decided to be the best date, for me to be castrated so my hormones could regulate,
I was then moved away from my home, scared and alone, transported by creatures with features that were strange, compared to my own,
I just stared, in a zone, until I arrived where I’d be shown, to potential buyers that wanted companionship unaware of my woes,
I was randomly thrown into a satchel, it was quiet and cold, carried by something bigger than me in their private control,
when we finally arrived I cried, as I was supplied with a bowl, the complexity of their dwelling was something for my eyes to behold,
I tried to console, myself but it wasn’t happening, when I saw there was no escape i started panicking ,
but they had treats for me sorted in assorted packaging , stacked ever so neatly on supportive scaffolding ,
these beings took care of me, supplied all that I needed, and would you believe it I was never mistreated ,
so I was obedient they told me when to be seated , through selective breeding all of my aggressions deleted ,
told what to do where to go the way a possession is treated, get a pat on the back after each training session completed ,
if I succeeded I get to lay down and relax , sometimes taken on walks, to defecate on the ground in the back ,
they pick it up and carry it around in a sack , while I look for local wildlife if any is found I attack ,
or at least I try, I’m kept on a short leash, only get a small amount of freedom with this sort of release,
have to remain on the floor they want me to stay off of the seats, locked in a cage when they go to a resort with a beach ,
but in the end they love me so I don’t feel imprisoned, and yes my species wasn’t always in this position,
the wolfs domestication is something we won’t soon forget, we were taken by the humans and turned into their pets

[Adverse]

Lavender tinted misery, come lay your broken hands on me
Your guiding light finds me right in the midst of our next tragedy
Adderall prescriptions; camouflaged existence
At a loss from tragic falls, I cannonball into abysses
Followed by clouds of darkness, birthed of heartlessness
Closet like a cemetery, could spend a decade unearthin carcasses
Wife says my depression would cease if I had a little more Jesus
I don’t think his holy hands would touch these shattered pieces
Crucified for my art, an excuse to pry me apart
She played my audio tracks and laughed, a blade slew right through my heart
Like that wasn’t all I had as a kid in Commerce City, go ahead and just hate it
You think being my better half you’d support it nonetheless...instead I’m berated
If I died tomorrow, I wouldn’t be remembered...neither as a poet or a man
Hopeless as I am, once I’m gone my name won’t be spoken of again
Some of the greatest people ever known are archived in the catacombs
They’ll probably throw my body in a ditch and let the buzzards strip my battered bones

[Universe]

Mike Wrecka:

So right off the bat I'm getting vibes of my piece last week with the multiple choices and different perspectives... Don't know if that was the inspiration or not but seems fairly similar. I scrolled down quickly to get a feel but didn't focus in on the pictures as you asked. Let's see what you have in store here...

Okay, so I see what you did. Kind of cool how you wrote a piece that needs to be experienced before the picture is shown... it's a nice little twist on the usual formula. I got to say that the first picture surprised me because, although I thought your character was human at the start, I pretty quickly changed my mind and assumed you were writing from the POV of an animal and you played on that expectation and flipped it back at the last second. I really like this IF it was intended. You basically said, 'Your first impression will be correct but I'm going to make you doubt it by the end', which you did. And that's really cool.

I think technically though, this is a step below what I've seen from you before. I understand you're juggling 3 different perspectives but the execution has to be high quality for all three to really land and I felt that area was lacking here. What worked well one line just seemed too on the nose in the next... It never really found a strong holding position. It's a cool idea/concept but it deserved a little more love and time put into it. I felt you repeated too many words as well; (treats/mistreated/treated) I get the wordplay behind it but what worked with 2 words just seems stretched with 3. It's a fine line, I know... but it stood out.

Second and Third verses were mostly the same as you alluded to, slightly varied wording, different endings to tie them to the new topic... I don't know, I felt these were fairly obvious reveals and didn't have the impact or surprise of the first one. They felt tacked-on to make the concept work rather than organic additions. I think, as cool as this concept was, maybe you should've focused on that first picture and really delved into it and nailed down all the aspects of your verse - Tell a good story with technical precision, which we all know you are capable of. Don't get me wrong, I really liked the idea behind this, but if you don't execute it flawlessly it can come off rather shallow or seem like it's spread too thin.

I love these attempts to do something different though. Thanks for showing.


Adverse:

Great work. You had free reign here and you took it to someplace deep as expected. This reminded me of a dead man verse at the beginning, and it just grew from there. This was a short but touching personal piece with some great lines.

"Wife says my depression would cease if I had a little more Jesus
I don’t think his holy hands would touch these shattered pieces
Crucified for my art, an excuse to pry me apart
She played my audio tracks and laughed, a blade slew right through my heart"

- It doesn't have to be technically amazing to hit the right notes, and this did just that.

"If I died tomorrow, I wouldn’t be remembered...neither as a poet or a man
Hopeless as I am, once I’m gone my name won’t be spoken of again
Some of the greatest people ever known are archived in the catacombs
They’ll probably throw my body in a ditch and let the buzzards strip my battered bones"

- Adverse, you're at your best when talking about your adversities, go figure. Your 'depression?' breeds true art.

Everyone thinks they have to match their opponent's lines or output, but I've always known it's not about that. It's about quality and connecting to the reader, that's it. You do that and you win. I happen to be better in long form but most people are actually better doing less. Adverse is one of those people. He shines when he doesn't force it and, when he stays in his element, he's one of the best.

Vote: Adverse

Thanks guys.