WK2: Zenland (1-0) VS. zygote (0-0) [ZYGOTE WINS, 6-1.]

[King Ra.]

Verses are due Thursday 2/21 at 11:59 PST

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Extensions are due Friday 2/22 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!!

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TOPIC:



Good luck to both participants. @ZenLand @zygote

[zygote]

Dear Zenland,
Do you enjoy this picture of a man with a key and lock for a face?
I don’t, I’m trying to think what sort of approach I can possibly take,
Writing mode – topics engaged…
Perhaps a story about post-traumatic thoughts locked away,
No, maybe a metaphor for mental illness – call it “Neurotics Enraged.”
No both of these topics are lame…
Wait, a key and lock for a brain, word association – cognitive chains,
Why not an allegory about the Garden of Eden and the secret knowledge forbade?
No too preachy, we need something direct that reflects the image and mirrors,
Wait what about “Lock and Key” receptors in the brains neurotransmitters?
They affect addiction – so we can write about chemical dependence,
No, we don’t want it to become a lecture, so maybe we can write about self-awareness.
After all the mind has been called the seat of the soul,
Gurus claim the need to unlock your pineal gland before your being is whole.
Really, none of these topics speak to me; I don’t know what to write about,
Hopefully this letter unlocks some thoughts for you - I'm interested in finding out,
It’s clear a key-head man just keeps on giving like a fountain of youth,
With a topic like this; there are thousands of views, but what will you do after reading out this review?
The direction you’ll choose is now opened for you.

[Zen]

I don't know who you are @zygote but after reading that post I like you all ready haha. Good luck holmes. I'll drop 24, cool?

[Zen]

The Da Vinci Code

He strokes his beard having his notes revered by most his peers,
His focus clear, Da Vinci, Noone's close or near,
Alone, Surrounded by emotional fears that's awoken here
Starin inside the fetus preparin to outline the features
In a timed procedure, The mind of a genius blocked by a kind demeanor,
He motions and quickly leaves, Notes in hand
Stricken with grief, memories hidden deep shows again,
He's missin his sleep, he knows it's within reach to propose a plan
To get relief, he knows he can, Why he doesn't? He don't understand
The complexities of thought, forever bound for rememdies he's sought
But never found, these memories may never be forgot,
Condemned to celibacy he taught himself any pleasure around, heavenly it is not,
So whats he supposed to do? He knows that soon he'll coast on through,
His problems are miniscule, but the critics grow in groups
And allot of em ridicule his clothes and shoes as they're usually worn by those in youth,
His grown into a recluse where only he knows the truth, he blames the envy,
His emotions change from anger to pity as people spout doubt of the supposed dangers of Da Vinci
The homosexual man, the stranger in his city,
Although his peers praised his views, noone was near to care or soothe
Or hear a prayer or two for the despaired old brute
When acusations flew, Without even questioning if they were made of truth,
They want him locked in a cell, throw away the key let him rot in hell,
They go on he's a show off who lost his health
Da Vinci, the man who knows all, yet not himself...

[Zen]

Up for votes

[Geno]

Good show.

Loved zygotes approach. Although it seemed so sarcastic, it was actually fucking genius. I thought the way he broke down this picture and seemed to attack not only zenland but the mods who chose the pic (maybe just m interpretataion, buttt) was awesome. Had some dope concepts in it and even though he didn't stay on point with only1 idea.. he still broke the subject down nicely. Very creative.

Zenland came in nice as well, can't hate on the story. I almost dropped a di vinci related story in my last weeks battle lolol. You came in strong, focussed on what your story was and killed it imo. My only gripe is that it didn't mesh well with the pic, not on the levels that zygotes post did. Great battle. I'm gonna be watching to see how this one goes.. I really can't call it.

But my vote is for

V-zygote.

[Mike Wrecka]

another very good battle.

zygote - very very strong mechanics. rhyme scheme were dope. I didn't love your take on the topic, but you executed it extremely well and made it an enjoyable read.

zenland- also good structure and mechanics. flowed nice. a good display of skill indeed. the story or overview if you will was just a tad boring for me tbh.

both had excellent structure and mechanics. so it comes down to preference, and I enjoyed zygotes slightly more.

vote- zygote

good battle.

[Frank]

zygote.

yo this was brilliant. comedy was a nice change of pace. this was pure genius ha. I read it a few days ago and it still has the same sarcastic stream of consciousness. guru line would have been the best direction to go but funny read.

zenland.
I dunno. I think you got spoofed. the more indepth you went with the picture, the deeper the hole you were making for yourself. it was a chess move.

overall.
clear winner. cool strategy.

[Coup]

Zygote=

I really liked the creepy tone of this guy speaking. The vibe was to me as if he stalked Zenland and knew him from a distance, like a predator or something toying with Zen, almost mocking. I would have loved to see you lay off the questions and topic crisis going on toward the finish to play up the neurotic vibe or start a shock horror with some real threats, turning this into a tense situation...this would have pushed the tone into new ground and really add a level of depth to this rather one dimensional verse in terms of concept. Not bad. Good crisp showing, creative pic tie in on lock. all puns included. sweet, sweet flow and word placement, pauses and breaks. compliments to ya.



Zenland- airy, breezy verse...flowed along touching on relative factoids and common knowledge of the Da Vinci. liquid voice and presentation...I liked the concept of da vinci and the world figuring out and trying their hand unlocking the man himself, rather when it's normally the other way around, tryign to unlock his work. This was like inception, you flipped the script and I think this is where you lost some people. with the presentation more biographical and anecdotal this lacked a more story driven situation that could have placed your very concept in a more palatable way.


top notch flow man...made it look easy cat


v-Zenland

[Malachi]

Good battle.

I love zygot's approach. Just the concept of it was dope af in my opinion.
His flow was great as well and the rhyme schemes. I didnt even want to look at Zenland after this and the fact you did it in 30 mins
was epic ahaa.

Zenland yours wasnt bad at all. It was almost just as good. Great Flow and a nice read but you couldve went better with the picture

sooo my vote goes to

V/ Zygote

[dead man]

i think STRATEGY is the buzzword this week in AOWL - competitors are taking the roads less traveled and truly thinking outside the boxes of convention and it is really working in their favor.

i happened to be online when zygote dropped this earlier in the week, and i was just as impressed reading it then as i am now, perhaps moreso now after re-reading and catching a couple spots i had skipped over earlier. i mean - again, from a purely STRATEGIC standpoint, it's hard to follow that. it immediately puts pressure on the opposition not only to invent something unique from anything mentioned in the prior verse, but make it interesting enough to literally make the first writer eat their words. although, zygote has his bases covered here - spinning his verse as not something meant to overwhelm or stump zenland, but merely inspire him to write something dope. i think this, either intentionally or not, was something remarkably clever on zygote's part. it sort of paints a good-guy protagonist aura around his character here, which sounds ridiculous, but remains true.. the verse itself was mechanically sound, light-hearted, creative, and fun to read. it touched on a number of concepts that could truly be expounded into topicals i would be inclined to read and your ability to list them off in such a way especially in such a short period of time was something to witness imo. shit man, idk, but you're kind of crazy with it imo. someone next to untouched in certain capacities. this is exactly why.

zenland - you did succeed in creating something completely separate from what zygote alluded to. da vinci as a man, embodied by his own demons. the accused sexual deviant, charged with sodomy, stricken by intense genius but a victim of his own pathologies that might or might not have been responsible for his brilliance in the first place. idk, I'm not up on Davinci as some may be but i got a very clear picture of a slice of his perspective from your verse. this corresponded with your picture on a literal level because of the nature of the body-art, but also because of the metaphorical significance of a mind locked out of itself by its own hand, its own key.. it was well done, clever as a general idea. your writing let you down in a few places.. you had some issues with wording and rhythm in which i found myself tracing back to make sure i was reading correctly.

But never found, these memories may never be forgot,
Condemned to celibacy he taught himself any pleasure around, heavenly it is not,

idk man, this felt really sloppy to me. like you had something to say, but did not have the words to express it.. i understood your statement but it did not connect.

for these reasons, and because zygote had the superior strategy which imo fully outmatched zenland's contribution, which was stellar in itself but contained a few distinct chinks in his armor.. i have to say

v/ ZYGOTE

[Pent uP]

Zygote, this was a great outline for writing given in flow. You broke down various ideas on taking the topic and they weren't all bad... you went on and just explored the thoughts you had on the picture and even gave expanations on why not to do any of them, which is a good sense of self awareness which was another topical reference you made. This was a pretty smooth read and with a refreshing viw to a strange pic topic.

Zenland, the start of your verse seemed on point, the flow was cool and it seemed to be going somewhere withing topic. As it continued though, the details got stale and the flow started to suffer as well. Was lacking consistentcy and needed a better topical direction. Some different and interesting details would of made it a better and more smoother read. The verse was basically built on character development, but the character that you developed just wasn't interesting to read about.


Vote zygote

[NYCSPITZ]

hahahah I liked zygote's shit. Never seen that in a topical...it was dope how you brought so many interpretations to the fore and sort of dared zen to try em out. Despite not taking a traditional route you succeeded very nicely. Zen I liked your content but like others said it sorta fell off in the middle imo. Not your best showing but we all know that, this league's dope

v/ zygote

[King Ra.]

ZYGOTE WINS, 6-1.