WEEK 10: CONTENDERS Universe(5-2) vs Scar(4-1) UNI WINS

Inno · 06-09-2020, 07:04 PM

GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE

@Universe @Scar

Max line: 50

Min: 10

Check in: 48 hours after thread post

DUE DATE: JUNE 14TH @ 11:59PM EST

GOOD LUCK

Scar · 06-09-2020, 08:02 PM

well i'll be damned lulz. lets do this

Universe · 06-09-2020, 09:34 PM

I'll definitely need the max 50 for what I have planned for this...

Good luck, bud.

Universe · 06-13-2020, 10:35 AM

Windbreaker: A Screenplay

*80 line max, as agreed upon.

"If you limit your choice only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise." - Robert Fritz

......

FADE IN:

INT. HIGH RISE APARTMENT - 7:19 am

We all share reflections; I had my Mother's eyes and Father's ears at first
A parrot chirps near the third floor, I'm fairly certain I shouldn't hear that bird
Staring in the mirror early mornings reminds me I'm a mere mortal
But I have to absorb my daily pill before I can feel normal
No more audible torture, few sounds in the hall have crept in
Mixing pills with alcohol is my method to dull the senses
My soul's on a guest list, it's like my body bought a rental
A desperate measure, but I'm dead set on being neither God nor Devil...

EXT. ROOFTOP - 12:53 pm

I step to the edge once again, by now the ledge is nothing special
I tried to jump three times before, each attempt was unsuccessful
To overcome what you underwent you must be kept intact by action
Call me dramatic but the second I leapt I wished that I hadn't...
Wind cascaded through my windbreaker, maybe I can take this one back (nope)
My limbs were grabbing at nothing but air as I braced for impact
It made me retract to childhood, I'm brought back to the family venue
And my Mom saying, "Take these pills or your Father can't protect you"
From what?... I see now I expected something deeply profound
But she replied, "From people who vow to keep beating you down"
Now I was hurdling to the ground, then something held me up
For a moment I was floating... then I heard the director yelling "Cut!"
Wire cables and harness stuck, safety clips caught a rare snag
I would've been a bit off center if I landed on the airbag
I untangled the cords from my body, the rigging folks quickly dropped me
I heard "We'll fix it in post; Now get the stunt guy out of my shot please"
Stunt scenes are easy money, yeah my destiny is quite stunning
But even with X-ray vision I couldn't have seen what was coming...

EXT. BACKLOT - 9:26 pm

Wisked away from the set, I swigged from whiskey flasks 'til my head was buzzin'
Passed the actors trailers and director's chair that read 'Lex Productions'
Grabbed a rum and coke with some Executive, a long night cap
"Just so you know..." He said, "I don't think the hero would fall like that" (eyeroll)
"My name's Alex... This whole studio was built on my Father's dime"
"What's your name?" Jonathan White - stunt double but one of a kind
"I knew you looked familiar..." He dressed me down while sitting pretty
"I'll ask this quickly; Weren't you on the film we shot in The Windy City?"

http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=143092

Yeah but which one is this? Alex cringed. "The Wendigo - written by a talented kid"

http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=143219

What part am I in? "The part where Walter collapses into the abyss"
"Didn't you read the script?" Not unless it's for those little blueish tablets
"Ah, I see... Anyway, you should probably get into the habit..."
"Nice windbreaker by the way..." He left while adjusting his custom suit
I cussed him out under my breath, like yeah, fuck you too...

INT. HIGH RISE APARTMENT - 10:45 pm

Enter my sleazy apartment with no TV options and empty pizza boxes
The windbreaker's hot but can't take it off, I feel the best of me is locked in
Then I start to hear talking, loud voices invading my sacred walls
Hands on my ears, I was basically taught to hang up when nature calls
Went to the washroom to take a pill; My senses will be shut up in a minute
Then I hesitate, staring at the bottle thinking...

But what if I didn't?

DISSOLVE TO:

One Week Later

A week flew by in a delirious haze, I feel transparent in a way
Cuz I was feeling stronger and more clear headed everyday
It's like my mirror image stepped away, a hero unsung just reflects
My old self replaced with who I always knew I was in my head
One day while toasting bread I reached in and fried my flesh
When I blew on my hand it was cooled by my ice-like breath
A voicemail from my Mom was next, she spoke in an obvious hurry
"The Doctor called, you didn't renew your prescription? Jon, your Father is worried"
X-ray vision is blurry; But it outlined where some old documents hide
One page confirmed my legal name change to Jonathan White
My birthright was 'Jonathan Kent'; I think my calling card just rang
I unzipped the windbreaker and hit the hay while plotting my escape....

EXT. "THE WENDIGO" MOVIE SET - 1:40 pm

The next day a Producer asked, "Why's your windbreaker all ripped dude?"
"On a movie we don't just shoot... there's things like continuity issues..."
I let him pursue me to the roof to see how he took to emergencies
Around this time a Man with glasses and a Woman stood at security.
"Clark and Lois Kent to see our son, Jonathan..." Of course I heard the conversation
The Security Guard's eyebrows raised, he checked his clipboard for confirmation...

CUT TO:

Director's POV

The Stunt Man's on the ledge, proper placement, I looked up and yelled "Action!"
He jumped on cue but didn't fall... Just what in the hell happened?
I bellowed out "Cut!" The Producer near him was too shocked to listen
The windbreaker was floating down to the ground... with no body in it
I squint up to the sky, a plane is what my mind could contemplate
I shield my eyes with my palm for shade, watching the Stunt Man fly away
"That's impossible..." I exclaim; The crew were all gasping as one
But a Man with glasses was smiling, "No..." he said...

"That's just my son."

FADE OUT.

INSERT CREDITS:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Samuel_Kent

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Luthor_Jr.

END CREDITS.

......

FADE IN:

INT. PENTHOUSE - 8:38 pm

A beautiful mahogany desk sits near a large window, a Shadow in front looms
A Man with a bald head looks out at the skyline, oh what a view
Alex walks up in his custom suit, "It's done, Dad... He finally flew"
Lex Luthor turns around smiling "Well then... you know what to do...."

CUT TO BLACK.

To Be Continued...

Adverse · 06-15-2020, 02:56 AM

@Scar

Scar · 06-15-2020, 04:10 PM

"Escape"

It was a Saturday morning tradition.
Lucky Charm on the floor and fly traps hung from the ceiling
Engrossed in the drama as Peter Parker swung from from the buildings
Chasing that miscreant Mysterio and his illusion capsules concealing
.. facts from fiction. He sat Indian style, Spider-Man art on his chest
Ear to ear excitement as Mysterio was caught in the web

He had problems with his step dad, felt he was hurting his mom
Slowly working up his nerves, but words can only cause harm
But when Spidey was on, he could escape his predicament.
It was a grave understatement .. to say he was sick of it

When step dad was around he felt his spider-sense tingle
When momma wasn’t around its “you’re why she’s still in this shit hole”
All the while ‘ol Sam was Cooking soul in the background,
‘bout how a change is gonna come - at this junction it was just sounds

In this week’s episode, Spiderman was trapped in a building.
As venom spew his hateful symbiote, attacking and killing
Or at least tries to, but Spider-Man kick back at the villain
Catching Venom off guards, he was sent off-balance and reeling
He latched to the ceiling and swung himself out the window
Meanwhile, the lights starts to dim and sharp pain to the temple

He woke up, his head was aching as mom cried on the floor
She looked to him and wept, reasoning “i just can’t afford it”
Meanwhile step dad on the loveseat snapping the chord
Looking at him with violent eyes - as she cried for the Lord.

He looked to mom for help but she hadn’t the strength or the means
Step dad lunged towards him, mud encrusting his jeans
The electrical cord struck his cheek causing a chorus of cry
Again, he looked to mom to no avail, as she’s dying inside.
He stared at his step dad. A symbiosis of flesh and cord
He walked towards the window as tears burst forth
His nerves, forming slowly, he climbed the ledge, one last glance at her eyes
His Mouth, wide-opened, and tears pouring out, hoping she’d answer his cry
It was enough. Enough for him, perhaps enough for her.
As he leapt, the wind gently cradled him and eased his nerves.

symetrik · 06-16-2020, 12:37 PM

Universe - wild ride. I think this was a really great double twist - from suicidal to stunt man to what's really going on. great allusions and foreshadowing, I was suspicious at the name of the company but didn't catch on right away. incredibly solid performance - I've been away long enough that I don't think I've seen your pieces before (besides your How To Rap guide in OM - so I had high expectations that you've met and exceeded). awesome job also making it feel true to comic books - tying in other events to show "one universe", tf.

Scar - great verse as well - interesting you both hit on super heroes (maybe ext talks gave some inspiration). this felt like a non-true spider man write, as in a kid living his fantasy to escape his reality - projecting the super villain to his (and his mom's) abuser, trying to keep things intact, and making scenarios where he's the hero - eventually culminating in an attempt to be the hero irl. incredibly solid piece (few typos here and there but no biggy), and vs any other piece would have most likely taken this.

mvgt - Universe

Johnny 6 feet · 06-16-2020, 04:34 PM

Universe- normally I feel my attention starting to wander when I read a piece this long but you held my attention from start to finish. was speckled with one liners with shine in a different light once we know the ending to the piece. This is kind of like if Superman got the Joker treatment and gets big points for originality because of that. The rhyme scheme was straightforward for the most part but not simplistic. Good choice of vocab throughout. The narrative flow was what really made this an entertaining read. Well done.

Scar- Another superhero theme tied in with this but a different direction to give it originality. I related to the escapism the main character had which stood in sharp contrast to the reality he was stuck in. The parallel of swinging free as spiderman and him leaping out of the window was an inspired touch. Your use of imagery painted a clear picture. Rhyme wise it got the job done. The ending was unsurprising but appropriate given the context of everything that came before it. I would've liked a deeper exploration of the parents but that's a minor point. Nice work.

Vote- Universe, preferred his take and some of the mechanics. Good battle guys.

Artifice · 06-17-2020, 10:39 PM

honestly too tired right now to type out a whole response, but enjoyed both takes. I think Universe got it as his piece feels like it has a little more meat on it, and had some twists that grabbed me more. I'll give a full breakdown for next week's mag to make up for such a short vote here... thanks for the read guys.

v/ Universe

06-09-2020, 07:04 PM	#1
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,005 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899400	WEEK 10: CONTENDERS Universe(5-2) vs Scar(4-1) UNI WINS GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE @Universe @Scar Max line: 50 Min: 10 Check in: 48 hours after thread post DUE DATE: JUNE 14TH @ 11:59PM EST GOOD LUCK Last edited by Inno; 06-19-2020 at 10:55 AM.

06-09-2020, 09:34 PM	#3
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 999 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178702	I'll definitely need the max 50 for what I have planned for this... Good luck, bud. __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..

06-13-2020, 10:35 AM	#4
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 999 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178702	Windbreaker: A Screenplay 80 line max, as agreed upon. "If you limit your choice only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise." - Robert Fritz* ...... FADE IN: INT. HIGH RISE APARTMENT - 7:19 am We all share reflections; I had my Mother's eyes and Father's ears at first A parrot chirps near the third floor, I'm fairly certain I shouldn't hear that bird Staring in the mirror early mornings reminds me I'm a mere mortal But I have to absorb my daily pill before I can feel normal No more audible torture, few sounds in the hall have crept in Mixing pills with alcohol is my method to dull the senses My soul's on a guest list, it's like my body bought a rental A desperate measure, but I'm dead set on being neither God nor Devil... EXT. ROOFTOP - 12:53 pm I step to the edge once again, by now the ledge is nothing special I tried to jump three times before, each attempt was unsuccessful To overcome what you underwent you must be kept intact by action Call me dramatic but the second I leapt I wished that I hadn't... Wind cascaded through my windbreaker, maybe I can take this one back (nope) My limbs were grabbing at nothing but air as I braced for impact It made me retract to childhood, I'm brought back to the family venue And my Mom saying, "Take these pills or your Father can't protect you" From what?... I see now I expected something deeply profound But she replied, "From people who vow to keep beating you down" Now I was hurdling to the ground, then something held me up For a moment I was floating... then I heard the director yelling "Cut!" Wire cables and harness stuck, safety clips caught a rare snag I would've been a bit off center if I landed on the airbag I untangled the cords from my body, the rigging folks quickly dropped me I heard "We'll fix it in post; Now get the stunt guy out of my shot please" Stunt scenes are easy money, yeah my destiny is quite stunning But even with X-ray vision I couldn't have seen what was coming... EXT. BACKLOT - 9:26 pm Wisked away from the set, I swigged from whiskey flasks 'til my head was buzzin' Passed the actors trailers and director's chair that read 'Lex Productions' Grabbed a rum and coke with some Executive, a long night cap "Just so you know..." He said, "I don't think the hero would fall like that" (eyeroll) "My name's Alex... This whole studio was built on my Father's dime" "What's your name?" Jonathan White - stunt double but one of a kind "I knew you looked familiar..." He dressed me down while sitting pretty "I'll ask this quickly; Weren't you on the film we shot in The Windy City?" http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=143092 Yeah but which one is this? Alex cringed. "The Wendigo - written by a talented kid" http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=143219 What part am I in? "The part where Walter collapses into the abyss" "Didn't you read the script?" Not unless it's for those little blueish tablets "Ah, I see... Anyway, you should probably get into the habit..." "Nice windbreaker by the way..." He left while adjusting his custom suit I cussed him out under my breath, like yeah, fuck you too... INT. HIGH RISE APARTMENT - 10:45 pm Enter my sleazy apartment with no TV options and empty pizza boxes The windbreaker's hot but can't take it off, I feel the best of me is locked in Then I start to hear talking, loud voices invading my sacred walls Hands on my ears, I was basically taught to hang up when nature calls Went to the washroom to take a pill; My senses will be shut up in a minute Then I hesitate, staring at the bottle thinking... But what if I didn't? DISSOLVE TO: One Week Later A week flew by in a delirious haze, I feel transparent in a way Cuz I was feeling stronger and more clear headed everyday It's like my mirror image stepped away, a hero unsung just reflects My old self replaced with who I always knew I was in my head One day while toasting bread I reached in and fried my flesh When I blew on my hand it was cooled by my ice-like breath A voicemail from my Mom was next, she spoke in an obvious hurry "The Doctor called, you didn't renew your prescription? Jon, your Father is worried" X-ray vision is blurry; But it outlined where some old documents hide One page confirmed my legal name change to Jonathan White My birthright was 'Jonathan Kent'; I think my calling card just rang I unzipped the windbreaker and hit the hay while plotting my escape.... EXT. "THE WENDIGO" MOVIE SET - 1:40 pm The next day a Producer asked, "Why's your windbreaker all ripped dude?" "On a movie we don't just shoot... there's things like continuity issues..." I let him pursue me to the roof to see how he took to emergencies Around this time a Man with glasses and a Woman stood at security. "Clark and Lois Kent to see our son, Jonathan..." Of course I heard the conversation The Security Guard's eyebrows raised, he checked his clipboard for confirmation... CUT TO: Director's POV The Stunt Man's on the ledge, proper placement, I looked up and yelled "Action!" He jumped on cue but didn't fall... Just what in the hell happened? I bellowed out "Cut!" The Producer near him was too shocked to listen The windbreaker was floating down to the ground... with no body in it I squint up to the sky, a plane is what my mind could contemplate I shield my eyes with my palm for shade, watching the Stunt Man fly away "That's impossible..." I exclaim; The crew were all gasping as one But a Man with glasses was smiling, "No..." he said... "That's just my son." FADE OUT. INSERT CREDITS: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Samuel_Kent https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Luthor_Jr. END CREDITS. ...... FADE IN: INT. PENTHOUSE - 8:38 pm A beautiful mahogany desk sits near a large window, a Shadow in front looms A Man with a bald head looks out at the skyline, oh what a view Alex walks up in his custom suit, "It's done, Dad... He finally flew" Lex Luthor turns around smiling "Well then... you know what to do...." CUT TO BLACK. To Be Continued... __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..

06-09-2020, 08:02 PM	#2
Scar Senior Member Join Date: May 2019 Posts: 530 Battle Record: 7-5 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League Rep Power: 5689706	well i'll be damned lulz. lets do this

06-15-2020, 02:56 AM	#5
Adverse low tide in serotonin bay Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 2,744 Battle Record: 37-28 Champed - GWL Picture Challenge - Guerrilla Writing League - Black August II Rep Power: 15446143	@Scar

06-15-2020, 04:10 PM	#6
Scar Senior Member Join Date: May 2019 Posts: 530 Battle Record: 7-5 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League Rep Power: 5689706	"Escape" It was a Saturday morning tradition. Lucky Charm on the floor and fly traps hung from the ceiling Engrossed in the drama as Peter Parker swung from from the buildings Chasing that miscreant Mysterio and his illusion capsules concealing .. facts from fiction. He sat Indian style, Spider-Man art on his chest Ear to ear excitement as Mysterio was caught in the web He had problems with his step dad, felt he was hurting his mom Slowly working up his nerves, but words can only cause harm But when Spidey was on, he could escape his predicament. It was a grave understatement .. to say he was sick of it When step dad was around he felt his spider-sense tingle When momma wasn’t around its “you’re why she’s still in this shit hole” All the while ‘ol Sam was Cooking soul in the background, ‘bout how a change is gonna come - at this junction it was just sounds In this week’s episode, Spiderman was trapped in a building. As venom spew his hateful symbiote, attacking and killing Or at least tries to, but Spider-Man kick back at the villain Catching Venom off guards, he was sent off-balance and reeling He latched to the ceiling and swung himself out the window Meanwhile, the lights starts to dim and sharp pain to the temple He woke up, his head was aching as mom cried on the floor She looked to him and wept, reasoning “i just can’t afford it” Meanwhile step dad on the loveseat snapping the chord Looking at him with violent eyes - as she cried for the Lord. He looked to mom for help but she hadn’t the strength or the means Step dad lunged towards him, mud encrusting his jeans The electrical cord struck his cheek causing a chorus of cry Again, he looked to mom to no avail, as she’s dying inside. He stared at his step dad. A symbiosis of flesh and cord He walked towards the window as tears burst forth His nerves, forming slowly, he climbed the ledge, one last glance at her eyes His Mouth, wide-opened, and tears pouring out, hoping she’d answer his cry It was enough. Enough for him, perhaps enough for her. As he leapt, the wind gently cradled him and eased his nerves.

06-16-2020, 12:37 PM	#7
symetrik Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 546 Battle Record: 5-7 Rep Power: 8664751	Universe - wild ride. I think this was a really great double twist - from suicidal to stunt man to what's really going on. great allusions and foreshadowing, I was suspicious at the name of the company but didn't catch on right away. incredibly solid performance - I've been away long enough that I don't think I've seen your pieces before (besides your How To Rap guide in OM - so I had high expectations that you've met and exceeded). awesome job also making it feel true to comic books - tying in other events to show "one universe", tf. Scar - great verse as well - interesting you both hit on super heroes (maybe ext talks gave some inspiration). this felt like a non-true spider man write, as in a kid living his fantasy to escape his reality - projecting the super villain to his (and his mom's) abuser, trying to keep things intact, and making scenarios where he's the hero - eventually culminating in an attempt to be the hero irl. incredibly solid piece (few typos here and there but no biggy), and vs any other piece would have most likely taken this. mvgt - Universe

06-16-2020, 04:34 PM	#8
Johnny 6 feet Storyteller Join Date: May 2020 Posts: 446 Battle Record: 8-4 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League Rep Power: 5558444	Universe- normally I feel my attention starting to wander when I read a piece this long but you held my attention from start to finish. was speckled with one liners with shine in a different light once we know the ending to the piece. This is kind of like if Superman got the Joker treatment and gets big points for originality because of that. The rhyme scheme was straightforward for the most part but not simplistic. Good choice of vocab throughout. The narrative flow was what really made this an entertaining read. Well done. Scar- Another superhero theme tied in with this but a different direction to give it originality. I related to the escapism the main character had which stood in sharp contrast to the reality he was stuck in. The parallel of swinging free as spiderman and him leaping out of the window was an inspired touch. Your use of imagery painted a clear picture. Rhyme wise it got the job done. The ending was unsurprising but appropriate given the context of everything that came before it. I would've liked a deeper exploration of the parents but that's a minor point. Nice work. Vote- Universe, preferred his take and some of the mechanics. Good battle guys.

06-17-2020, 10:39 PM	#9
Artifice Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2016 Posts: 269 Battle Record: 17-9 Champed - Art Of Writing League - GWL Picture Challenge Rep Power: 3944946	honestly too tired right now to type out a whole response, but enjoyed both takes. I think Universe got it as his piece feels like it has a little more meat on it, and had some twists that grabbed me more. I'll give a full breakdown for next week's mag to make up for such a short vote here... thanks for the read guys. v/ Universe