WEEK SEVEN CONTENDERS MATCH: FRAZE 2-0 vs DIABLO 2-0 DIABLO WINS

[Adverse]

AOWL Season IX WEEK SEVEN

@Diablo @fraze

Verse Due: SUNDAY JANUARY 17TH @ 11:59PM EST


Line min: 10

Max: 60


Rules:http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=145451[/b]

Topic:


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GOOD LUCK

[fraze]

Check. Good luck to you sir.

[Diablo]

The sun kissed the sky much in the way
he once did his wife; Its loving embrace
punched through the grey cumulous clouds.
A leaden sky stretching wide with rain tumbling down.
The pummelling shower washed over his skin
as cold and insistent as the words spoken to him.

***
“Why don’t you admit it?” Her eyes met with his own
in an expression that scolded beneath its redolent glow.
You could sense the ferociousness etched in her gaze
both incandescent with rage and set to explode.
Her eyes were embers that smouldered with white-hot intensity
and bright spots that fired off a high toxic energy.
His wife was the centrepiece his world revolved around
The earth had all but ground to a standstill as it turned before her scowl.
A burning ball of boundless blistering beige
simmering scathingly. “I didn’t,” he braved
before finishing saying “ever mean to hurt you. Trust me.”
The words enough to see her burning up until a surge erupted
in an outburst destructive enough to leave nothing untouched.
Bubbling thunderously “TRUST YOU?!” she flared up as he stood,
coloured a blood-orange, burning with an anger for days
the wrath of betrayal as concentrated as electromagnetic rays.
She shadowed him daily, following his every waking move,
even pressed his favourite suit before he left the day she knew.
The threads were graced with new holes where the pockets attached
so when the change fell through, he’d know he wanted it back.
He promised his hand in marriage, even wore the wedding ring
when he tore up everything the day he sought a petty fling.
Their shores were set adrift amongst the earth and the stars
an unjust affair of the heart only pushed them further apart.
Where once she served as his guardian, a beacon of light,
gleaming so brightly as to encourage him to reach for the skies.
A bleaker horizon beckoned now the truth was out instead
and his ball and chain sure became a noose around his neck.
She drew him to the depths of despair showing him no mercy
so with the emergence of a new Dawn;
I hope that she was worth it.

[fraze]

Thats super agressive. I'm digging the energy tho. Let's get wild.

[fraze]

All the worlds a stage, I’ll take my bow before the curtains closed,
Engaged to hold the glow, around the globe, they herd in droves.
Steer clear of the assholes, hold my nose and throw the golden lasso
Truth be told, we hope we don’t get what’s deserved, but what we ask for
Trudging forward through life’s commotion, fast asleep with eyes wide open,
Downtrodden, unprepared, these stepped on squares delight in being chosen,
Left to our own devices, grappling with our plight in dark of knight
Wrong or right, these meager pawns are sacrificed for slight promotions
Everything that lives must die, everything that dies must live
Don’t fret or fight or wonder why you’re taken, it’s your time to give

Profane gestures from jaded jester pro at feigning mockery
Lost composure, no composer, couldn’t score it properly
My play’s a proper comedy... my normalcy’s anomaly
My norm is high performance, so of course I source the bombest weed,
Demolish greens, smiling like the beams from my polished ring,
I tower on the scene like the domicile of titan teens
Powerful properties, so I stay strong armed like robberies
Big fish in any pond, the food chain stops with me
Bald ambition schemes to see the globe in my clutches.
King of all that I survey, that’s everything the light touches

So I’m making hay while the sun shines.
Got something big in line, and plenty time to let it unwind.
Reached pinnacle heights, but I’m the cynical type
Don’t claim that I peaked, I’m just beginning to fight
Send your superman, I got a plan and won’t panic,
He lives in a glass house, so I’ll throw stones from his home planet
And yet it ends in contradiction. My definition is my opposition.
Found defeat in victory, my loneliness without contrition
My hands hold the proof that all justice has died
Tied myself to the nearest star, now I’m ready to fly

[Pharaohs Army]

Lars:
A tale of a troubled marriage due to an affair, packed with imagery and dialogue. Well-written, made me want to keep reading.

fraze:
I think I voted for you in the last 2 weeks you participated (and they were good pieces) so I was expecting something more. This rhymes. But there's no story to grasp and it's more of an open mic flex if I'm being honest. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but when you're facing Lars you've got to bring an A game. This verse left me wanting more, is how I'll sum it up.

V Lars

[Master Rock]

D's verse opens in a way that reeled in my attention and left me wondering what's going on in this moment (especially with being left cold regarding his wife)? After the opener's choice in the word, " redolent" threw me off, I understand the meaning but felt it could have been substituted with another word (just a minor gripe). But once I got past that, it is a well-written story that forces you to look into a scored woman and how your choices to give in to your lust can leave you in a state of desperation. This part hit hard with emotion and placing you in the shoes of the man (especially if you are in a marriage),

"Where once she served as his guardian, a beacon of light,
gleaming so brightly as to encourage him to reach for the skies.
A bleaker horizon beckoned now the truth was out instead
and his ball and chain sure became a noose around his neck."

^^Goodness Gracious!

As for Fraze, your opening paragraph is hitting hard like a hammer bending nails (I was ready for what was to come but after the dopeness,
"Profane gestures from jaded jester pro at feigning mockery
Lost composure, no composer, couldn’t score it properly
My play’s a proper comedy... my normalcy’s anomaly",
then I couldn't find the subject matter in it until a little later).

I was looking for a relation to the opening verse and the topic and was having a hard time at times relating to the topic. The rhymes were there, the vibe, the flow, plenty of great ideas throughout:

"Bald ambition schemes to see the globe in my clutches.
King of all that I survey, that’s everything the light touches"

^Nice


"My hands hold the proof that all justice has died
Tied myself to the nearest star, now I’m ready to fly"

^ I love how this was tied together because I was wondering what's up with this superman talk??? But this was on point.

This was overall an enjoyable read from both. But due to the emotional content and ability to form a verse that cohesively blends the topic with the verse in matrimony, I'm going to have to give to D.