No show verse ~Rise of Satan

[Adonis]

Writing Exercise Week #3
~Rise of Satan~

I sliced a path out this cavity,
Doc said “don't push” in fear of casualty,
Moms majesty, a light skinned brown boy,
Olive in tone as mom's gracefully sown,
A dirty blonde under grown, still a sound choice,
Born early but surely I'm loved and found grace,
I save face, I mean my heart's filled with love,
Yet the hole it still... Must be plugged,
I feel the lust of drugs, I murmur a peep,
A slight sound mustered as lungs shriek,
A whispering fiend –
More then wanting the dosage to wean,
I hope it's a dream....

Doc said “don't push”; How ironic,
Chronic opens up gateways, The path will forsake babe's,
Relapse to re-taste base. I'm honest...
Needless to say I relate, a church goer Sundays,
But night raised –
A hot headed heathen as the black rock bubbles the troubles away,
I fumbled...I mean I dropped the prick,
The needle on this record doth skip,
I must quit writing just to resonate,
But it's hard to stop as the resin takes the pain away,
Wrap it up with Codeine, infuse it with Morphine,
Forgotten knowledge as my veins are coursing...

So Angelic once upon a time,
I've lost my clock and watched the hands of time,
Shiver down my spine, I'm sucha waste of mind.
Took a state designed... For happiness by god,
And Sullied his name, I selfishly applaud,
A demon left in awe. A heathen on a cross,
I cost my soul a lot, but you kept my soulless wings,
Stored them in a lock and awaited my maturity,
I'm not sure, but think a thanks is orderly,

I'm Satan’s knight.
But tonight and to the death of afterlife I'm by your side,
Forever in debt for admittance of these gates that I'm inside,
You gave this godless man a plan harnessed,
Pproving demons float to heaven, cause your love withstands...
Untarnished.

And For That I Thank You.

[Certain]

This was a solid take on a truly wretched challenge verse. The Damien theme wasn't original, but you brought it out OK because the pacing on your verse was solid. I think you could have leaned more on concrete, real-world imagery to solidify your characters. Also, your mechanics seem to come and go, from portions where your rhymes and flow are perfect to others where they seem secondary or even missing entirely. But this was a good verse. And it sprung from a really bad one.