mazes

[Split]

"I think this aquarium's bigger than the last one"

every technological acheivement,
philosophical soap box thesis,
offering me no soft egress.
only thoughts like sliding pieces.
the space between the lines we shift.
breeze, timelessness, whitewash colors,
freshest style. test tube vials not uncovered.
bless you, tiles, sleep on holy linoleum with a woven bathmat,
exfoliating lab rats, shots of Stoli numb their cataracts.
they won't see or feel the lack of meaning,
with every sip fleeting from just the tip of what we feed em.

Science is not fear in numbers but application of your demons.
walk down your favorite city street. tell me what you see...
paper chaser dreams taped paper over in betweens,
the blackness of alleys- cardboard walls tacked to fallacy.
shards of stone, torches, holy tomes, null practicality.

paintings in blood in France of coarse song and dance...
what forced the hand to snap the evolutionary chain?
trapped in solutions, jewelry hangs, tax elusion high and low,
blacksmiths of polluting, dressed to kill in pastel clothes.

I walk the Paxil road. Packs tipped for looseys. Facts corrode,
But fictions atone for ages. Windermere, dog-ear pages-
Alcohol spills fears. Obsessions.
She manifests them in the rear of Malcolm's Cavalier.
talcum tears, can't adjust to candle scents and velvet either.
help is here. screwdriver, two timer- takes advantage, that's clear.
symptoms have expanded, faster than we can take it,
The divide between effect and cause, cure and vaccination,
fades to a haze in the speakers' gauze. insert your interpretation.

"keepers, hold them dear", me? Or notions of the dagger's teeters?
Packed in theaters. Potion from bottles, drags of ether,
They can't kill us just quite, full throttle to white lights... we're the deer.
But deer know their fate. Aristotle's plight, am i right? Hold my beer.
A toast to cheers... No one knows what it means. Posterchild for numbing cheese.
Silly, broken homes've become thr start it seems, endemic- a plague, disease,
Deer know their end, and I fail to comprehend the faded seams in place behind the trees.

Deja vu comes in twos and ancient falling dreams. Now is never,
It scrawls on the patient's schemes in graphite letters.
It's all for the better. Not for us, for the life we invented.
Cover tucks, sleep tight under the knife of intentions.
Pall Malls and vacant stays, not literal... the phase we delayed,
Cardboard walls. Familiar traipses rearranged. A single match away....
Freedom in death. Facts are facts, burn the path
we all die as rats.

[Split]

anyone who'd be kind enough to feed this, I'll gladly RTF with the best feed I can muster... I put a lot of effort in this even if it doesn't seem it

[Nigma]

I really enjoyed this Split. There was awesome imagery you incorporated, for some reason the bath mat reference really stuck with me, maybe because I'm pretty baked, anyways. You also used a really unique rhyme scheme that I liked a lot. There are times when you can almost predict the way a scheme is going to go but you kept the reader guessing. One of my favourite parts of the verse were the allusions to the flaws of humanity. They were strung throughout the verse and were well thought out concepts that fit in where you put them. And finally, you had some thought provoking lines that were memorable. I'll finish with an example, and one of the better lines of the verse IMO,

"The divide between effect and cause, cure and vaccination,"

[Flow]

Originally Posted by Split

"I think this aquarium's bigger than the last one"

every technological acheivement,
philosophical soap box thesis,
offering me no soft egress.
only thoughts like sliding pieces.
the space between the lines we shift.
breeze, timelessness, whitewash colors,
freshest style. test tube vials not uncovered.
bless you, tiles, sleep on holy linoleum with a woven bathmat,
exfoliating lab rats, shots of Stoli numb their cataracts.
they won't see or feel the lack of meaning,
with every sip fleeting from just the tip of what we feed em.

Love that opening verse...

Split I dig on the vocab you using, it gives you a great route into some interesting rhymes schemes.
It flows nice and there are some interesting thoughts running through there, some nice concepts that may be lost on some niggaz.

Going with the above I have to say that the bath mat/cataracts line sticks in mind after reading. Not sure what it is about it cus i aint baked like the above ;) but its some well wrote shit. You can tell this aint a rushed peice or just some random ramblings, its polished and you can tell that from how well it reads.

Loving the rat close, an what i also liked was how the opening verse was so good its not hard work to keep reading, but the fact you kept that going the whole way through...


Dope drop be keepin an eye out for more.

[PURE ENERGY]

This by far was my favorite section:

I walk the Paxil road. Packs tipped for looseys. Facts corrode,
But fictions atone for ages. Windermere, dog-ear pages-
Alcohol spills fears. Obsessions.
She manifests them in the rear of Malcolm's Cavalier.
talcum tears, can't adjust to candle scents and velvet either.
help is here. screwdriver, two timer- takes advantage, that's clear.
symptoms have expanded, faster than we can take it,
The divide between effect and cause, cure and vaccination,
fades to a haze in the speakers' gauze. insert your interpretation.

The whole piece was fire, but this section really stood out to me. Just had some real and empathetic elements. On point, son. Holla...

[Nice]

This was dope, ill go further into detail when i get to my computer, hopefully this evening. I want to give the proper feed in return for you feeding my piece. Appreciate it. Uppin for now

[Mike Wrecka]

no doubt split. I really liked what you did here. as always it was the vibe u created that I enjoyed.

the structure of your bars is sometimes confusing to me tbh. you have inner rhymes and sometimes the ending of each line doesn't rhyme with the last word of the preceding line but it rhymes with other parts. lmao. it mostly works out in the end but it feels like ur a long bar head formatting in short bar. or maybe ur just trying to be too complex. it flows really well just doesn't read smooth to me if that makes any sense.

but with that being said I could see the talent shining through. ur choice of rhymes and words is strong. and content wise im always digging ur stuff man. great imagery. and this was like machine gun rap. meaning its an fast paced meter. and I like that.

good stuff split. I enjoyed this.

[Nice]

I got you on this today split.. Uppon for now

[Zen]

Damn @Split I scrolled through to see how long it was but I enjoyed it all the way through man. One of the best drops I've read on here so far. It had everything in this drop, dope concept, flow, vocab etc. Definatly a nice piece and keep droppin some more shit. I ain't read much of you since I was new to nc but keep droppin them here fam. Much love on this thinkin this might deserve an HOF nom...
And I'd appreciate feed here when you get the chance holmes.
http://artofbattling.com/forum/showt...hp?398-ZenLand

[Split]

thanks for the read/ kind words everyone. and the bath mat line was a reference to God's Bathroom Floor/ chemical dependency, ill translate that one lol

Originally Posted by Mike Wrecka

no doubt split. I really liked what you did here. as always it was the vibe u created that I enjoyed.

the structure of your bars is sometimes confusing to me tbh. you have inner rhymes and sometimes the ending of each line doesn't rhyme with the last word of the preceding line but it rhymes with other parts. lmao. it mostly works out in the end but it feels like ur a long bar head formatting in short bar. or maybe ur just trying to be too complex. it flows really well just doesn't read smooth to me if that makes any sense.

but with that being said I could see the talent shining through. ur choice of rhymes and words is strong. and content wise im always digging ur stuff man. great imagery. and this was like machine gun rap. meaning its an fast paced meter. and I like that.

good stuff split. I enjoyed this.

Word I feel you... Thanks for the constructive advice. I wrote this all in a go from my phone when I couldn't sleep, so I think there were places where I had a rhyme in mind, went back to reread to figure out my direction, then came back and took the next line a different way lol.

[Split]

last bump 3V3R

[Camp Bell]

"keepers, hold them dear", me? Or notions of the dagger's teeters?
Packed in theaters. Potion from bottles, drags of ether,
They can't kill us just quite, full throttle to white lights... we're the deer.
But deer know their fate. Aristotle's plight, am i right? Hold my beer.
A toast to cheers... No one knows what it means. Posterchild for numbing cheese.
Silly, broken homes've become thr start it seems, endemic- a plague, disease,
Deer know their end, and I fail to comprehend the faded seams in place behind the trees.

dope as fuck, the deer concept was great
it also flowed smooth, the multis were tight
there were a couple lines in the beginning that
was dope also..the lab rat line and the cause/effect
cure/vaccination line was crazy!!! good drop fam