LuminoCITY [MUSIC VIDEO]

Joel Venom · 08-18-2013, 12:34 AM

Something new. LuminoCITY

FreezyCT · 08-18-2013, 07:59 AM

the song itself is dope man...presence is top notch, everything is polished...just not really feeling the video...i felt there could have been so much more going on visually

Joel Venom · 08-18-2013, 02:47 PM

thanks for the feedback man, appreciate it. i mean i don't know anyone out here as of yet so i had to do this all by myself as well as the editing. but thanks for checking it out!

FreezyCT · 08-19-2013, 01:12 PM

where you located?

Joel Venom · 08-19-2013, 07:27 PM

right now i'm located in north carolina

Vulgar · 08-20-2013, 12:07 AM

@Joel Venom

Alright, my audio critique will be odd and maybe somewhat harsh but just know that I'm honest about what I like and don't like, and I have unorthodox taste in hip hop.

Concept: Seemed like what I'd expect rappers nowadays to try and experiment with to break into the mainstream, tbh. Left fieldish beat, Nikki Minaj feel, bippety boppety style delivery...just not feeling this type of stuff. Just to give you an idea, I don't listen to Jay-Z, Kanye or Kid Cudi, or Lupe. This sounded like a funky brainchild of all of those guys.

Vibe - A bit corny/silly. Something about you shining...and drugs...and hoes. Really glittery.

Beat, pretty catchy sounding but is lacking oomph, like the bass isn't turned up enough.

Lyrics, the Gain line was really bad. You did have some good moments, but in general, the wordplay wasn't really impressive. You might've been better off making pronounced statement type of lines, sharing your philosophy directly. I liked the second verse better.

Delivery, meh. Second verse was smoother. The farewell lines were nice.

Video, was ok.

Enjoyment/Replay value: Minimal. I'd give the song a 6.8/10. I'm just very picky man... it really matters what you're trying to say in a track for me as a listener. If I'm not hearing truthfulness in some form I don't feel a connection. Still not a bad track.

I think you enjoy rhyming too much for your own good. Example: you rhymed particles with article...that's just bad, man. You're too experienced to lay that down on a track. There's so much more to say.

hope this helps

Keep doing you

Joel Venom · 11-24-2013, 10:37 PM

appreciate the feedback bro!

e11even · 11-25-2013, 05:25 AM

I think for you to have helmed this on your own was cool.

I'm not gonna do a Vulgar breakdown, but I will say that this song as a breakout song would be a bad fit. IMO this would be better as an album/mixtape filler. If mainstream is you target audience, you might wanna go for a little less grungy, a little more bass, and a better hook definitely. The video just lacked better imagery and imagination. The combo of music with video didn't really match to me. I like your flow tho. Just try to be above mainstream status quo.

Just think: So many people are doing audio. Wat makes you different? Capitalize on that.

Nice work overall. I should start making videos. BTW where in NC? I just left in July.

Edit: I see you're from Raleigh. Is this song poppin off out there?

08-18-2013, 07:59 AM	#2
FreezyCT Shoot4TheStars Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Connecticut Posts: 11 Rep Power: 37	the song itself is dope man...presence is top notch, everything is polished...just not really feeling the video...i felt there could have been so much more going on visually __________________ https://www.soundcloud.com/freezyct

08-19-2013, 01:12 PM	#4
FreezyCT Shoot4TheStars Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Connecticut Posts: 11 Rep Power: 37	where you located? __________________ https://www.soundcloud.com/freezyct

11-25-2013, 05:25 AM	#8
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	I think for you to have helmed this on your own was cool. I'm not gonna do a Vulgar breakdown, but I will say that this song as a breakout song would be a bad fit. IMO this would be better as an album/mixtape filler. If mainstream is you target audience, you might wanna go for a little less grungy, a little more bass, and a better hook definitely. The video just lacked better imagery and imagination. The combo of music with video didn't really match to me. I like your flow tho. Just try to be above mainstream status quo. Just think: So many people are doing audio. Wat makes you different? Capitalize on that. Nice work overall. I should start making videos. BTW where in NC? I just left in July. Edit: I see you're from Raleigh. Is this song poppin off out there? __________________ Ahem. Last edited by e11even; 11-25-2013 at 05:28 AM. Reason: added text.

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08-18-2013, 02:47 PM	#3
Joel Venom Galaxy Child Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Raleigh, NC Posts: 137 Rep Power: 37	thanks for the feedback man, appreciate it. i mean i don't know anyone out here as of yet so i had to do this all by myself as well as the editing. but thanks for checking it out!

08-19-2013, 07:27 PM	#5
Joel Venom Galaxy Child Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Raleigh, NC Posts: 137 Rep Power: 37	right now i'm located in north carolina

08-20-2013, 12:07 AM	#6
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	@Joel Venom Alright, my audio critique will be odd and maybe somewhat harsh but just know that I'm honest about what I like and don't like, and I have unorthodox taste in hip hop. Concept: Seemed like what I'd expect rappers nowadays to try and experiment with to break into the mainstream, tbh. Left fieldish beat, Nikki Minaj feel, bippety boppety style delivery...just not feeling this type of stuff. Just to give you an idea, I don't listen to Jay-Z, Kanye or Kid Cudi, or Lupe. This sounded like a funky brainchild of all of those guys. Vibe - A bit corny/silly. Something about you shining...and drugs...and hoes. Really glittery. Beat, pretty catchy sounding but is lacking oomph, like the bass isn't turned up enough. Lyrics, the Gain line was really bad. You did have some good moments, but in general, the wordplay wasn't really impressive. You might've been better off making pronounced statement type of lines, sharing your philosophy directly. I liked the second verse better. Delivery, meh. Second verse was smoother. The farewell lines were nice. Video, was ok. Enjoyment/Replay value: Minimal. I'd give the song a 6.8/10. I'm just very picky man... it really matters what you're trying to say in a track for me as a listener. If I'm not hearing truthfulness in some form I don't feel a connection. Still not a bad track. I think you enjoy rhyming too much for your own good. Example: you rhymed particles with article...that's just bad, man. You're too experienced to lay that down on a track. There's so much more to say. hope this helps Keep doing you

11-24-2013, 10:37 PM	#7
Joel Venom Galaxy Child Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Raleigh, NC Posts: 137 Rep Power: 37	appreciate the feedback bro!