Week 1 - dead man vs. UNFUKWITABLE - dead man WINS 8-0

[Mike Wrecka]

Season 2

Rules

Verse Due Date - Thursday 23:59 PST

Voting Deadline - Sunday 23:59 PST

Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree

Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread , preferably edit it in the check in

If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss
If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension


Topic



Good Luck @dead man @UNFUKWITABLE

[Unfukwitable]

Recordings Of the Psycho Scientist

Is this thing on....testing...testing
aheehmm, where do I begin

People assume that I'm crazy, what a misconception
why? because I talk to my tick collection?
or because I separated each insect to a listed section with perfection?
or could it be because I skipped elections
due to not careing much for the worlds big contestants
used as fog devices.. the government trick intentions
got people like me outcasted, Its a bit depressing
Any whooo, I made a discovery today, It's so Interesting
how do I explain this.. well I was hunting for larva
came across a bunch of specimen and found nothing to bother
til I seen this silver plated bug with the touching of armor
so outta place like it was missing from home
as I take a closer look I wonder Is this a drone
I see a chip in it as big as the sim of a phone
I take it to my lab and examine the glittering shown
as I see the words top secret in script in the chrome
I place a pin in a tiny button slot & a hologram came in a spiral
it showed the comet crash in the days of the dino's,
I seen the stories that was made in the bible
How pyramids came & all the slaves making the idols,
it even showed the most ancient of wino's
then vanished in a blink as my eye's closed
but sadly no one will ever believe me since I'm labelled a psycho

[dead man]

-





they forgot about me here. there was a forested cavern
i remember, like a lightbulb popping - war & disaster
forming a pattern, much alike historical chapters
but nothing could prepare us for the After.
transmorphism, cancer - blood and bone for dessert
before i was alone in the dirt. homes to be searched
my wife had my cologne in her purse,
that's what caught aflame first,
left her a blackened skull & smoldering earth. fuck..
details are unimportant now. we turned to the news
for guidance, sanity, structure. their alerts were reduced
into flashing texts that told us where to search for recluse,
each city had an entrance point they herded us to.
ours was district 1. near what used to be Dallas,
there were shelters, elevators, dark, confusion and panic
routines that they had drilled but never put into practice
some trampled, others lost. just the usual madness
it became a competition - who ran through it the fastest
and my wheelchair put me at a huge disadvantage
so they left me. fear-stricken men will kill to survive
it was all over for most of us. it seems silly to cry,
wandering this labyrinth. i was following light
looking for stragglers. for a possible life
swung a door open, heard it lock into place
behind me. and i knew that i was out of the race
moths in a case - for days i've been tearing away
at their precious nutrition. dung beetle breakfast soufflé
lunch, dinner the same. i'll thank our military in spades
someday, for having fallout insectariums made.
so if this shelter self-destructs once they sound the alarms
at least i'll burn out, not fade away. i'm not gonna starve...





DEADMAN

[NYCSPITZ]

hahahah nassty battle. Unfukwitable I've never read but his shit was dope. Fantastic story with an up and down cadence to engage the reader. I thought the beginning rhyme scheme was pretty out there and flowed real well. Thanks for the story, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Black's story was nasty as fuck. I've never really seen black do a story like that usually it's on some subconscious mindfuck swag but it was masterfully worded. The descriptions like Dallas district 1, his wife burning to death, dung beetle was sick. Ending was lmao nice. Both great stories but black came out on top here.

V/ deadman

[Zen]

Cool battle. Two very different performances.

UNFUKWITABLE- Your verse reminded me of Old Em like SSLP Eminem. At least that's how I read it in his old voice. Overall this piece was pretty funny and written like a crazy person for the most part. The problem with it would be the rhyme selection. Throw in a multi here and there and switch to more complex words that's my trick and it makes me look smarter than I really am. But that's the only negative on this imo. Good first showing.

dead man- First off let me talk about the technical ability you displayed here. Damn near perfect imo. You laid this shit out in the way only you can. As far as the story goes, I'm getting tired of the apocalypse theme that's getting played out but this was a unique take on it. I really didn't even see this when I looked at the picture so that's great creativity. Props.

V/ dead man. Dead outdid his competitor in every way but that's just because he's on another level. UNFUKWITABLE keep it up holmes.

[Dove Dozer]

UNFUK- this was cool. I liked how this story went in the grand scheme of things, however I feel it could have been elaborated on, ya know? like really get deep into the topic. Like you were on to something really great. like the secret to existence. I thought you did well, but you could've really explored the topic more. if that makes sense. Still entertaining as it was. Just my two cents. pretty solid piece here.

Dead man - nice nice nice man. structure was perfect. so it carried the verse along with ease. the wording was great too. It read so narrative that it read very much like a short story. which I found so captivating in this topic. great job. Mechanically smooth.

Vote - Dead man

[patrown]

unfukwitable - nice verse, but you jumped back and forth between that creepy ass tone and a larger statement about society - so i never really got TOO into either way you were going. but i still feel it as a whole.

or could it be because I skipped elections
^ feel like that could use some rewording. sounded a little bland, compared to the rest.
all in all, sick drop still.

dead man - whoa. the entire thing is quotable.
favorite lines..

ours was district 1. near what used to be Dallas,
there were shelters, elevators, dark, confusion and panic
routines that they had drilled but never put into practice
some trampled, others lost. just the usual madness

IMPECCABLE flow. great story telling. very well executed.. killed it.

/v dead man.

[Rawn MD]

This wa pretty dope

I fux w unfukwitable on yhe flow tip, and the story was told wll too. I just wished he expounded deeper into tjr character or tale rather thrn focusing on flow. It seemed like the second quarter of thr verse kinda lacked substanc at tines to me. I did enjoy it tho.

Black came solid as per norm. At firs I thought he was goin to fall into the same trap hat unfuckwitable had but he didnt. Storyline was dope as was charcter decription while using sick mechanincs.

Gotta give it to deadman

[Adonis]

BB - never did enjoy heavy layered rhymes with ion, seems a bit easy to me. I enjoyed the tail end of this verse. But honestly only the concept. I felt the entire verse was less then stellar as far execution. "Contestants, interesting, larva, bother" flow such as this just throws me off quite a bit. "The armour, gliterin shown" were two of the sentences that just read awkward to me. I realize this entire post will be viewed as 'dickish', not my intent. Purely trying to be honest bruhv.


Black- end of the world, where a parapalegic feeds on the insect. As I write that I'm thinking, sounds stupid, but you did a decent job. I disliked the flow, flow per say was ok with slant rhymes aplenty, but the breaks in lines split between two bars...I.e - " their alerts were reduced into flashing texts that told us where to search for recluse" is one sentence yet broke into a bar. I've always hated this as it throws my flow while reading completely off, never understood it, and I think its a easy way out of finding rhymes. Although you were at least consistent.

V/Black

To be blunt, I'm not a big fan of either verse, but Black's held more depth and detail imo, including some gore in the middle which I loved and wish you went a bit more into detail about.

[Mike Wrecka]

cool battle. to a cool picture.

unfukwitable - nice verse. you took an approach to the topic that was creative. the bug was a robot that has been recording the history of the planet. one would assume put here by aliens. really like that idea. BUT you only really skimmed the surface of this concept imo. It was getting good and you just cut it short. this verse needed to be much longer. the rhyming was kinda basic tbh. it was good and the flow and structure was clean but I would have liked to see some multis in there. and the tion rhymes are just to easy and usually annoy me as a reader. overall though you brought a concept that was real strong, if it was a movie I would watch it. matter a fact I want someone to make a movie of it so I can watch it.


deadman - I think you also had a very creative concept. which is usually your weakest point imo. but you didn't take the mad scientist approach like most people would have. you looked at the picture in a different way and I found the story to be intriguing and engaging. you added elements from the picture in it , like the sector one that is written in the background on the wall, I enjoyed that. the writing was very very good. flow was clean as fuck. one complaint ,

my wife had my cologne in her purse,

wish you would have used perfume. it made me stop and say why does she have cologne in her purse. but ya that's just real real minor imperfection in a otherwise perfect verse. something to think of if you ever post this in a OM.

both brought great storys. unfuckwitable felt incomplete though. deads mechanics are and were overwhelming to most opponents.

vote= dead

[Vulgar]

UNFUKWITABLE - lol, this was nicely done. Light, to the point, slightly humorous. Didn't take itself too seriously. Hit the topic. Not the best strategy considering who your opponent is, but it's an enjoyable verse.

dead man - Hah, simplistic and sick. Good approach, and I liked the way you ended it differently than I would've thought. The insectarium part impressed me most because you led up to it with a cool head, no foreshadowing. The mention of it told me you thought about this theme a lot before you decided where to place your hat and call it a day.

Vote - dead man