WEEK FIVE: MASTER ROCK (2-2) vs BLUE BAYOU (1-3) ROCK WINS

[Adverse]

AOWL Season X WEEK FIVE

Verse Due: TUESDAY APRIL 26TH @ 11:59PM EST
@Master Rock @Blue Bayou

Line min: 10

Max: 60


Rules: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=150311

This week’s topics are song titles by my favorite band, The Wonder Years.

Topic:
“I DON’T LIKE WHO I WAS THEN”


GOOD LUCK

[Master Rock]

Fred be Savage!

[Master Rock]

Distantly gone are the days to where I once lamented upon the pain
where I placed my worth on others to sustain
the beatings of confusion strolling down memory lane
while I'm scooping up the discovery of concepts that I couldn't fully explain
or maintain
the art of conversation, yet it struck me as quite the intriguing game
while jealously poked out its head and envy bled through each moment and I couldn't perceive the stain
I saw the joy of others and sledgehammered their frame
stomped on butterflies because the responsibility had to die
reflected in a puddle and a monster stared me dead in the eye
yesterday didn't know how friends should play
destruction and mischief burned it down, dumb played... with fire
unaware of its effects towards the home, the trailblazed and set
I can't justify my stance but childhood trauma is a like a slave trapped in a cage
while being forced to dance with the devil disheveled while depraved
I hate how I was conditioned,
the flashes are back to the past where it was never commissioned
so I had to pull myself out of my own hell to understand my automated decisions
on my path to growing up, I looked down at my faults lines through self-mastery and murdered the habits
addicted to self control the lack of discipline I had it
I'm not who I once was before
but I still hear the demons and angels clashing their weapons at war
it all began when I noticed my actions and I question what for?
on top of that I was left scratching my head asking who am I?
reflecting on why the pain will not subside
so I pry open my skull to analyze my engine contrived
illuminated by the conclusion on how I arrived

[Adverse]

I mean this was clearly rushed in at the last second for the easy NS win but it seems like every time you drop there are outlines of gems in even your most rushed work. Cool visuals here and even though the rhyme scheme was kind of generic throughout, you didn’t take too many chances (nor did you have to) you were still able to paint vivid pictures. My critique for you is the same as it is any week, you’re going to have to find time to slow down and flesh out your work if you’re going to beat any of these top tier writers, but the greatness is there, and I believe you could write with the best of them on any given day.

My favorite segments were
“ I saw the joy of others and sledgehammered their frame
stomped on butterflies because the responsibility had to die
reflected in a puddle and a monster stared me dead in the eye”

“ addicted to self control the lack of discipline I had it
I'm not who I once was before
but I still hear the demons and angels clashing their weapons at war”

Striking visuals and a dope meaning. Thanks for showing up