Timeless vs JESODIST - Jeso 5-1

[sral]

Ginger Snaps

"Wrists are for girls. I'm slitting my throat."
@JESODIST

[timeless]

I see

[JESODIST]

The Lycanthropic Life

Ever since billions of years ago my transformation is in tune with Cycles of the Moon,
Paintly waiting Daylight for everything to become frightful and Shadowy Soon,
Spiteful Doom there is no need to put a Rival in Tomb,
Mutual Muscles and Skeletal System mutating through the Spectacular Phases,
Olfaction keener than the average Human Elevating undergoing Glandular Changes,
Polymorphing Capsular Cases from Supernatural Races,
Ocular Glazes Trance you like Arcane Incantations from Oracular Mages with Scapular Braces,
aim to wipe out all Granular Traces inside these Triangular Mazes,
Look deep into my eyes and when you See the Spark you Been Marked,
My deligh begins every night when the skies get Real Dark,
They find my victim Stipped in Parts with Incomplete Hearts,
My Cranium is harder than Uranium Walls, Jaws are Hackers like Titanium Saws,
Pack of wolves that scared to Brawl Only Gaze in Awe as i'm Feasting on Brains Raw,
A Wes Kraven Forsaken Existence getting buffer and buffer got them Scared like some Chickens,
Licking lips after Each meal getting rougher , See me and escape just to appear Quaking and Stricken,
Vividlly Swift, A close encounter leaves you looking like being thrown on top of Blades Gyrating and Spinning,
Butchering Massive Bulls including stupid mastives too for exposing their Mean Bark,
My claws are sharper than Jagged Cleats to Slaughter and Chop Meat,
Across Creeks Roaming on the outlandish unexplored mountains Tracks and Fields...

[timeless]

I first met my nemesis at an assemblage of the class.
Task : remembrance of the past, collect the evidence.
Bred for severance, unruly with the fluorescence of an axe.
There's a message on the map that outlines debt for veterans.
Medicine? Check. Unless you left your mind at home,
Then you're better off dead, lost to what you find. Unknown.
Onward through the cellar door to develop more,
Of a perception of what exactly a zealot mourns..
Like an embellished whore, there's beauty that's short-lived.
Even if Hell is worn, the dress is made up of porcelain.

@sraL @Adonis @JESODIST

[Exis]

JESODIST - From start to finish this is nice with it, some of your concepts & imagery is raw...word usage is tight...good shit man.

My Cranium is harder than Uranium Walls, Jaws are Hackers like Titanium Saws,
Pack of wolves that scared to Brawl Only Gaze in Awe as i'm Feasting on Brains Raw,
A Wes Kraven Forsaken Existence getting buffer and buffer got them Scared like some Chickens,
Licking lips after Each meal getting rougher , See me and escape just to appear Quaking and Stricken,
Vividlly Swift, A close encounter leaves you looking like being thrown on top of Blades Gyrating and Spinning,
Butchering Massive Bulls including stupid mastives too for exposing their Mean Bark,
My claws are sharper than Jagged Cleats to Slaughter and Chop Meat,
Across Creeks Roaming on the outlandish unexplored mountains Tracks and Fields...

^^Fire.

timeless - Pretty short verse, I liked it though...had a good vibe to it whilst readin' it, thought the first have was nice, rest was solid...would of loved if this was longer though, felt like it endly abruptly...I wanted more dammit! Lol.

I first met my nemesis at an assemblage of the class.
Task : remembrance of the past, collect the evidence.
Bred for severance, unruly with the fluorescence of an axe.
There's a message on the map that outlines debt for veterans.
Medicine? Check. Unless you left your mind at home,
Then you're better off dead, lost to what you find. Unknown.

^^Chea.

My vote is for JESODIST...just had a stronger verse.

Stay upwards.

[2tripple0]

okay I thought jesodhist was a bit difficult to read and because there were so many rhymes throughout his verse it just made it hard to follow the subject and topic....whereas on the other hand timeless came with a verse that reminds me of a lot of his work that I have seen I realize it was short and could have used more to expand on the themes in his piece but for me I enjoyed his verse better for that matter of fact kind of lines that he came with.......jesodhist is new here and from what ive seen him drop hes got his style quite consistent with this post here but I just felt like a lot of it took away from the overall piece.........so yeah im giving my vote to timeless


vote: timeless

[asylum]

Jesodist – started off pretty good and I really enjoyed it up through the middle. The phrase “real dark” just wasn’t very strong for me. And the crainum/uranium/titanium flowed well but I think it sounded a little generic. From there it kinda fell apart. Extremely generic battle piece at the end. Not sure you kept your topic in mind for too long. However, you had some good mechanics throughout and the flow was above average. I think the line beginning with vividly swift was uncharacteristically long. Meaning it felt out of place. My favorite lines..
Mutual Muscles and Skeletal System mutating through the Spectacular Phases,
Olfaction keener than the average Human Elevating undergoing Glandular Changes,
Polymorphing Capsular Cases from Supernatural Races,
Ocular Glazes Trance you like Arcane Incantations from Oracular Mages with Scapular Braces
That was really strong. Definitely my favorite part. I particularly enjoyed “arcance incantations from oracular mages.” I thought you really nailed the Halloween feeling with this one, and I appreciate that. Some solid character development or perhaps a more direct relation to your movie’s poster would have helped a bit.

Timeless - I liked your verse a lot, well, what is there. Your flow was excellent and rhymes were very fluid. You kinda danced around the topic at the end, which I appreciate, but we’re both fully aware this was a noshow piece. Thanks for showing anyways man. At least jesodist got some feed.

/v jesodist – he wrote a more developed piece but if timeless had written a couple more lines and stuck to the topic with them he would have taken it.

[The Law]

Jeso- did a good job describing the phases of changing to the eating towards the end. It flowed well and had okay word usage and imagery in some areas. On the flip side I thought you could have took the same imagery approach into the change more, describe it exactly as you see it happening. You have enough there for the reader to understand the change but not to paint it completely. I also thought in a couple of bars were forcing vocab in there, whew I feel the verse would have been smoother by just being a bit simpler. And the ending didn't feel complete. Overall a decent verse that could've been worked on more.

Timeless - short and incomplete. The flow and readability was real nice though. It had a certain rhythm that it maintained. I can see where you took it off of the topic but as I said this just felt incomplete to me.

Mvgt: Jeso - a more complete verse.

[Nigma]

Another very close battle here. Jeso you continue to impress me with your topical prowess. Your ability to focus on a single topic has improved drastically over the years and the growth is nice to see. Mechanics has waves of uncertainty however it reads smooth for the most part. I preferred the mechanics, angle, and content direction of timeless however he cut himself short with the length he chose. If it were double the length this would have been a tougher choice but with what was posted Jeso had the more enjoyable verse.

[Mr. J]

@JESODIST: good to see that you are actually writing some verses around these parts
sadly you could have been one step closer to rising in the league if you actually showed last week
but enough of that...this was a slick short verse, good job at keeping it short as well...
I thought your verse started out nice, this seemed to work better for you as far as topics go
a bit towards the end though it seemed like you worked in a weird scheme with the chickens & other lines
otherwise I felt that you had some decent ideas that work together with the overall concept
perhaps we will meet in the playoffs and I will make it worth the challenge for you.
@timeless: Sometimes I feel like you are lost among your own ideas & have trouble translating your thoughts
this time around you had a decent amount of focus on your behalf, which shows but due to the length of your piece theres a lot missing.
Its cool watching you progress further in the league & sometimes pull an upset over peoples eyes though.
I liked the general plot of your story but then towards the end I feel like it was a waste.
I felt like you could have shelled it out more to make the read enjoyable as we progress.
But for adding a decent amount of life to the piece i shall applaud you...

v/JESODIST I feel like he came ready to win this match this time around
his story was more prepared and he brought the full potential of his topic
timeless had a lackluster effort but he still brought a reasonable presentation
either way this was a cute battle...nice work girls