no one knew how to write an obit for the dead art of writing essays

[Split]

Dear Mr. Vernon,

The real Mr. Vernon. The sad statement, stranded behind
the lab table caricatures. That decaf stained, glass-paned bachelor's
pad is no home at all. Living inside a wrinkle in time.
Wearing your suit like your students sheets,
torn from the top at the morning bell, dressed in a bunching scrawl.
Badly ragged, the classic 'sad bespoke.' Metallic tone dulled & tempered.
Living outside those margins, red doodles in a yellowing memo book.
An empty masters- the room you left, and maybe wake up from...
& return to, day in, day out, a daydream that has lost its appeal,
and wear on your fourth wall, a pin through a purple heart. You wouldn't know.
You gaze at the ceiling, happily in the dark if only for a few moments.
"If only" for your entire life- every period marked by a rude awakening.
I see now, our generation of rebels that set out to be unlike
any of those that came before, accept that laziness
is what makes us uncrumple those balled up sheets
in solemn defeat, and pour over old notes in hopes of the answers.

Though you haven't taught a day in your life, Mr. Vernon,
you never told us (like the others) that "teaching is a noble pursuit"
yet we were convinced you were bent on
making our lives a living hell.
I have since learned otherwise & want to thank you
for the education.

Sincerely,

no-one, in particular

[dead man]

ATTENTION @Split

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[Certain]

That's the first time I have ever seen dead man reply to an Open Mic verse.

[Split]

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=101947

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=100042

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=101443

[dead man]

Originally Posted by Certain

That's the first time I have ever seen dead man reply to an Open Mic verse.

negged for blatant inaccuracy

[Split]

I can confirm, I was Miss Mezzaluna overlapping her fuselage

[zygote]

This is good free form and less rhyme-centric writing. Only one critique for the use of the two "I's." Somehow the omnipresent narration felt much stronger than when you switched to that kind of disinterested first-person. The little sign-off at the end only further makes these two I's feel out of place. The character is a nice three dimensional being, I especially enjoyed the nuanced maturity with which you enmeshed his personal life and his professional life. E.g., "Living outside those margins, red doodles in a yellowing memo book. An empty masters- the room you left, and maybe wake up from..." It is quite sad, I understand that strange feeling of respect mixed with pity (I guess?) when you know someone who is seemingly completely dedicated to their work to the exclusion of other interests. You really elicited this balance between respect and pity (again, I'm not sure if pity is right, but I can't think of a better word for it). This could have so easily been condescending or unintentionally mean-spirited but it wasn't. It maintained that level of respect throughout, and that was the key for the strength of the overall writing here.

[Mr. J]

I enjoy the living outside the margins build up, that was nice
this whole letter written poem of anxiety and such was sweet
it made me feel the urgency to continue reading and I did...
in fact as I kept reading..then

An empty masters- the room you left, and maybe wake up from...
& return to, day in, day out, a daydream that has lost its appeal,
and wear on your fourth wall, a pin through a purple heart. You wouldn't know.
You gaze at the ceiling, happily in the dark if only for a few moments.

very interesting work Split...keep it up

[Wise Wiggles]

Shit was cray cray mah nig

Stay street

Liked the start, the shit stain bachelor maxi pad or whatever

Listen to:

Love and Light - you're the reason why
Ruff Hauser - Flossed
Thriftworks - caduceus
Sugarpill - we will never know
Ibenji - broken box
Jphelpz - clipz, Low frequency
Anything "Heyoka" has ever made. Airy Dub is my favorite track by him. Purgatory dub is sick also. All his shit is bonker bass tho.
Coffi has sick shit also. Stoned funk is a sick track him. Along with mushroom kingdom VIP ..

Edit: just found this sick fuck named Ry Legit. Only listened to "down lower" and "lock in" but they are bananafucknuts.. pce

Re edit : Ry Legit - Wobbulator will blow your subs. my god

[PancakeBrah]

This was great. Probably one of your best five open mics/verses, I'd think. From 'If only' on was just top tier stuff.