WK2 : Kannon(1-0) vs. NYCSpitz(1-0) [NYCSPITZ wins, 6-0.]

[timeless]

Verses will be due Thursday Oct. 9th at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. There are no Extensions. No Exceptions.

Verses must be a minimum of 10 Lines and maximum of 48 Lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by both competitors.

Votes will be due Sundays at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK .

View Other Rules Here

Goodluck @kannon @NYCSPITZ

Topic - "For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled."

[NYCSPITZ]

A Tale B.C.


The sun drenched atrium yellows her toga; this estate is immaculate
as Hera Maximinius thinks - their mercenaries were raided in Nazareth
her husband Severus, the general; his war plans soar at the zenith of art
...but men never fight their hardest when the prize is just the greed in their hearts
slaves scurry past Severus, and arcs of water, flowing from cherubs of four -
with his wife by a fountain - leisurely teaching her the merits of war:
"When the barbarians came from the East in order to attack Rome and her majesty
the Republic called upon me to quell this...inane moment of savagery
Riding upon my mighty steed, with seven legions of soldiers -
I was disturbed to meet their shocking numbers and evil composure
Their leader was a rugged man known as Theodus Jinn
who comported himself with the gait of a nobleman wearing a vehement grin.
They torched a particular brush, native to the soil of their land
surprising us with arrow volleys from the core of their clan
I led a frontal rush - aided by skilled swordsman of superior heritage
and expert archers. Led by horse in our myriad chariots.
Their front lines fell - our men the best from Rome, Carthage and Gaul
but the air...quivered with question as our whole crushing carnage devolved."

"and what of the merits of war?" asked Hera.

He noticed her head's beautiful movements and the supple curve of her breasts
firmly grasping her right hip, he swiftly alters the purr of her breath
"the merits of war? Learning to fight for something greater than wealth.
A lifespan's fleeting. The emperor himself will soon succumb to his health-
Men musn't fight for glory - men must fight for the Republic itself."
--"He was only a torso; agonized, smelling of imminent death.
The greatest lesson I've had in sentence: listen close to Theodus Jinn's finishing breath":

--'whether we end in Purgatory, Hades, or what's left of Elysium
we only fight so as to hold more of our next experience
Men die of ignoble causes - vice, weapons, deceit...
but as hearty men...it's our fate to make these epochs of peace.'
"There I stood, my sword a guillotine in this divisive melee -
emasculated, I beheaded my wise foe at the height of his heyday.
In seconds, the barbarians stated to rally 'round Theodus Jinn
Sensing his death, they roared madly in the feverish din
pushed back, my soldiers slaughtered, I stopped and stared from a summit -
and began the ride home, feeling an oddly strange despair in my stomach."

"Passing lepers, various country crusaders and crews
we trekked home - by the grace of a force greater than Zeus
with half a legion to spare, after that bittersweet hardened departure
I calculated what we'd need - 12 legions and a squadron of archers.
Many good men died - not for the cause of church or the evil of crimes
Many good men died for an idea - the most peaceful of times
My love, here are the merits of war: we learn that everything's connected to fate
and strong men bestow their person to the next who await."



.

[kannon]

I held my crown tight. I can rest now, the best out downright
The world renowned type, no need to have to recount twice
All competition they found died by the hand of this sound knight
The opposition now bowed before the man of the hour's eyes
A savage in battle, bound to leave the night in pronounced fright
They howled; I'm on the prowl to obtain what was vowed mine
The hand of my fair maiden, her body gowned in the proud light
Our smiles shrouded by the crowds, serenity surrounds outside

All men must fall... All kings must end dethroned
All battles must be won, and all crowns must be owned
Our greatest stories always start with all the dreams we sow
But my path to victory is paved with many lives being owed
Focused on totaling the dreams that they were hoping to see
They all, noble and woeful alike, mostly just disposable heaps
Silence their chatter and their laughter with this throat numbing scene
My own cunning in the running got me voted homecoming king

[UnbornBuddha]

Kannon verse was humorous, especially the revelation of the appointing of homecoming king to be the fulcrum of the story. A nice succinct verse. However, even with the witty humor of it all, it still did not have the qualities that NYC's had. NYC language eloquently elicited a more captivating and riveting effect.
The rhymes and images that he etched onto his stanzas were quite stunning, to say the least. The narrative based off olden times, in which the meaning of combat and valor is portayed as fighting for an ideal, rather than personal desire was well done.

VOTE: NYCSPITZ

[Cereal_Killa]

NYC:
Man I need this style of story, the way its writing especially..
“The sun drenched atrium yellows her toga; this estate is immaculate
as Hera Maximinius thinks - their mercenaries were raided in Nazareth”

OUCH!
“when the prize is just the greed in their hearts”

You turned my head into a funnel, with all prior wording and story.. and then
“I led a frontal rush”
As my thoughts drip drip.. your
“horse in our myriad chariots.”
So colourful flies off into a nice split on the stanza with your characters statement..

The character now turns into a statue.. The dying breath from Theodus was attractive just wasting his time..

ignoble : you taught me a new word by turning me into a statue.. the way you did it..

beauty couplets btw..

for an idea..

WOah dude im just sayen even the closer was hot.. well done and more than needed in my opion..

Kannon:
Thought processing intro is nice son :)

The crusade/ the mission – as the adventure begins..
what was vowed mine
serenity surrounds outside
The pain is already raw and real even by the drop of the soft sounds outside the true feeling of the opening line doesn’t leave..

All men must fall... All kings must end dethroned
All battles must be won, and all crowns must be owned
I say when you swing with that malice it cracks my cranium..

Our greatest stories always start with all the dreams we sow
But my path to victory is paved with many lives being owed

This was truly beautiful sound alikes.. suited direct to my flava..

Nice closing couple of stanzas, kinda like violent jump rope.. and the homecoming king is berry bery cute sir..
Nice verse ty

Vote: NYCSPITZ

Very nice battle guys, just for a more advanced world.. Kannon was mostly emotion.. And more so just a drop of emotion.. just like kilroy peeking over the page.. ty

[Three-Planes-Aligned]

NYCSPITZ - A level of wording, consistently true to the setting, that started solid/strong and dropped off just a little bit towards the end - sprinkled here and tehre with semi-forced stuff like "evil composure". It had a strong framework and clear idea

kannon - "recount twice" created this weird association to recount's noun form where my mind wandered off thinking "so the third count is superflous?" but yeah, that was completely random - tight flow and all, but this is criminally underdeveloped and too general in scope to hit the right notes.

Fairly obvious outcome, the more developed piece wins. Vote: NYCSPITZ

[asylum]

/v Nyc - magnificent story. Solid mechanics. Great progression. Enjoyed thr word choices. No complaints. Epic piece.
Kannon - did not see that coming. Good read, came together at the end.. opponent just destroyed it too much

[Adonis]

NYC up 4-0

[Frank]

Vote: NYCSPITZ

Greater ambition & a more piercing passion that penetrated the monitor. Kannon effort was concentrated like Tropicana Juice, still had some corn syrup though. NYCSPITZ went for the jugular; Kannon saved face in the presence of the more dominant writer it seemed.

[Split]

I had NYC.

Kannon had a cursory glance on he topic, comparatively. Interesting to see NYC come full form. Great schemes and figurative language. Kannon has some good lines and a decent effort, but really didn't come together with the full force of the NYC's plot. Light sketch vs watercolor landscape

[King Ra.]

NYCSPITZ wins, 6-0.