It's Not So Bad Afterall

AndyHiro · 09-29-2014, 05:03 AM

Dreamin bout that Ruth Chris with supermodels.
with like a 6 splitting combos at McDonalds.
Then it's back to the condo, hope she swallows.
I'm scratchin lottos. Gotta pay that rent tommorrow.
I'm a broken man motherfuckin broke man.
A young ass man talkin like he a much older man.
I got no plans with this job I got no chance.
Might need to sell dope, or go ham at a close bank.
Plus my boss an asshole, he can catch clap off a fat hoe.
Bar fight fedor emelianenko, break his neck or elbow and or ankle.
But still to God I'm thankful, for my quick wittedness
How I flow wickedness and my big dickedness.

For real that shit ridiculous.

Listen · 09-29-2014, 04:19 PM

Hey,

This has spots that are very well-written and others that don't maintain the same depth as other lines. Almost like you emotionally capped off and couldnt/didnt want to develop that thought.

Example:

I'm a broken man motherfucking broke man.

I would have left out the next line, at the very least left it for later, and continued that thought.

I like some of your concepts and expressions of emotion just found the lack of consistency in that thought or feeling to take away from the power of the piece.

Much respect,

Look forward to more.

theMuzzl3 · 09-30-2014, 06:12 AM

its not the fault of the adderall...
After all, bad isn't bad until good is considered good.

Your flow was tight, my first two lines was just a stupid reply to the title.

09-29-2014, 05:03 AM	#1
AndyHiro Yeah Im kinda like that Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 107 Rep Power: 0	It's Not So Bad Afterall Dreamin bout that Ruth Chris with supermodels. with like a 6 splitting combos at McDonalds. Then it's back to the condo, hope she swallows. I'm scratchin lottos. Gotta pay that rent tommorrow. I'm a broken man motherfuckin broke man. A young ass man talkin like he a much older man. I got no plans with this job I got no chance. Might need to sell dope, or go ham at a close bank. Plus my boss an asshole, he can catch clap off a fat hoe. Bar fight fedor emelianenko, break his neck or elbow and or ankle. But still to God I'm thankful, for my quick wittedness How I flow wickedness and my big dickedness. For real that shit ridiculous.

09-29-2014, 04:19 PM	#2
Listen Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 41 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 3760711	Hey, This has spots that are very well-written and others that don't maintain the same depth as other lines. Almost like you emotionally capped off and couldnt/didnt want to develop that thought. Example: I'm a broken man motherfucking broke man. I would have left out the next line, at the very least left it for later, and continued that thought. I like some of your concepts and expressions of emotion just found the lack of consistency in that thought or feeling to take away from the power of the piece. Much respect, Look forward to more.