The Will for Revenge

[Mercy]

PART 1

We looked him in his eyes as he was once a good kid.
Went mad when his mom died, and got into hood shit.
Became straight-A student, who quickly fell of the map.
We tried to help his struggles, but he's well in it's trap.
He was pushed to his limits.. then went over the edge.
He's got demons screamin', tryna' cope with his stress.
No matter what we do with him, it's "kill to the death".
Lemme give my friends' story 'bout his will for revenge.
...
It was a quiet day in August, he was minding his own.
When a gunmen had ran up, sending nine at his dome.
He felt no pain, but had noticed blood on his shoulder.
He was shocked at the sight he saw, as he looked over.
Seeing what seemed unreal, was right before his eyes.
And though he tried to hold it in, he had to force a cry.
Looking back, he had wished the gunmen shot another.
Though it was aimed for him, the bullet got his mother.
...
He was only 21 when he had watched his mother pass.
He tried to forget it, but 'til he dies, that memory'll last.
When I heard the news, my jaw dropped, I felt hurt too.
It still hurts me as much as him just to step in her room.
Every single time I see him, he's always out on his porch.
Sitting where hid mother died, just crying more and more.
I felt he deserved justice, so this idea came to my mind.
That we get revenge on the man who had dealt this crime.


And, not only do I regret this, but I bet he does too.
This is around the time that his brain twisted in loops.

PART 2

We got our friends together - me, him, then David and Sam.
As we plotted revenge, he kept saying "stay with the plan".
It took many hours to track this guy, but we soon succeeded.
We gathered all the weapons, I knew we were soon leavin'.
But then as soon as we left, I felt my heart skipping beats.
I felt I took a wrong turn in what I thought was living free.
I guess I threw it all away, just to help avenge the fallen.
For what it's worth, this kid's my brother and I'm here always.
...
We were close to the house, and we were ready for action.
We all looked at each other like: "Let's go level this halfwit".
For some reason, David looked the most excited to shoot.
I've never seen someone happy to put one's life into doom.
We turned onto the street, and I was nervous n' frightened.
I can't believe that this will be the way that my night went.
And the more we get closer, my heart beats at rave pace.
But it dropped as soon as I saw we were at Dave's place...
...
He turned slowly, with the devil's eyes giving David a stare.
That's when David laughed and laughed, without giving a care.
Distraught, he got out of the car, but David came with him.
And said "Get your revenge! Killing your friend makes no difference!".
He pulled a gun from his jacket and said "Will this 'nine' do it?
You wanted revenge but won't fight? Huh. Aight.. screw it.
This is what you get for bullying me in high-school, bitch!"
That's when I saw my best friend die... by taking nine to the ribs.

He's gone but not forgotten.
Especially for his will for revenge.

[Kin]

This was real...no doubt...better as a recorded track...kinda basic for.a text drop...

But.the story held.it down


Good shit

[Mercy]

not really basic, used many multies throughout it. this is one of my older pieces where i hadn't begun to use internals. thanks for the feed

[AndyHiro]

Damn. Why is everyone sleeping on this? It's a fucking travesty. Made a motherfucker actually register to give a decent review. Them people at Netcees should give Mercy a big thank you.

First off this is probably my favorite drop on the first page right now. The pacing of the narrative made it feel like I was reading a short story. I have no quotes to put up as my fave because this isn't a one liner piece and to single out a quote would cheapen it.

I do however really like the reveal when it's David. And I love how the theme of revenge comes back around to put your friend into his grave. Actually that sounded really wrong. You know what I mean.

Also I really fucks with this type of rhyme scheme, I noticed some of the drops here use real advanced schemes but I'm finding them to mostly be distracting from the message rather then enhancing it for me. Or maybe its just cuz i'm near illiterate I dunno.

I like this type of natural flow especially the scheme in part 1. Part 2 feels a little more forced for me in some parts but not enough to be a major thing. If I were to pick out the most distractingly awkward part for me however it would probably be

"I guess I threw it all away, just to help avenge the fallen.
For what it's worth, this kid's my brother and I'm here always."

It seems a little weird for me here. I feel it could be cleaned up a bit. Then again I bet Jay Z could make that sound real cool so what do I know.


Anyway. You got skills Mercy. I'm real jelly.

[Mercy]

Thank you for the feed!

[Witty]

It was quite basic tbh some of the wording was a little wooden which gave the piece an awkward flow at times. You told your story well tho, and held my attention throughout.

Cool verse.