city of man.

[Split]

"The second half of a man's life is made up of nothing but the habits he has acquired during the first half."
-Feodor Dostoevski


the surgeon thought the park was a shrine.
Among the stones and organic designs
he plodded alone, stopping to groan
while unwinding his gait. He let moonlighting taint
his ever-hard gaze, procedural focus.
Paused to whittle away at the bestial closeness
of those who remained in the wake
of humanity's smoldering opus. Fauna,
and flora, microcosmic diaspora through
the alleys and aves.
University streets.
The walks and relapses of actions that
gradually crept between sleep
and cramming for classes... packed into boxes,
habits and doctrines, that dragged at his feet-
but it was certainly sweet: grasping the document
that encaptured his knowledge. Valedictory speech,
thrown off some caps (he hadn't been that since 2003).
His study of science developed into a studying science.
In the lib, ostensibly silent with
his felt-tip outlining terms and asides,
traipsed back with a wealth of words on rewind.
Home was a house he had left. Passages walked
til he found a thought to follow again.
Like shouts in his head. Mantras mounted like death
and surrounded the bed among baubles, and pens,
water bottles and academic doctoral texts he had read.
The only company he kept was colleagues,
and all these... friends... he met all of three times a year.
So it was folly, he feared, that he pledged his life
to the art of surviving, and felt so far from alive
unless he reclined by the pond... a forgotten city of man
drawn in, silenced in sand, encroached by a miniature
ocean of a nihilist god.

[Split]

k but

[Kin]

The walks and relapses of actions that
gradually crept between sleep
and cramming for classes... packed into boxes,
habits and doctrines, that dragged at his feet-
but it was certainly sweet: grasping the document
that encaptured his knowledge. Valedictory speech,

- WHOA

that studyin' science flip was raw too... Likin' thiz...not the style I'd prefer to read but you kept me entertained an the schemes were sick..

good drop

[Certain]

This was a very direct combination of your surroundings and the topic. I never fully dug into it. I think your style works better for telling a loose story than simply developing a character, and I'm not a big fan of straightforward character sketches anyway. Here, the poetic phrasing never felt fully comfortable and engaged. And I didn't think the ending completely landed, particularly because exposition has never been your strong point, so you end on this weird note that never felt completely related to the story. I also struggled to capture a solid cadence here, though the rhymes were fine. This verse was OK, but you've been much better than this recently.

(Yes, that's exactly what I wrote in my vote. You got nine votes on that battle, from many of the best writers here. All of the votes featured detailed analysis of this verse. Why up this thread out of all of them?)

[Split]

because I want to be memorialized, Certain. Napoleon bumped all his previously praised drops.

[Certain]

I'm reading your other one now.

[DexLabb]

how do u even know the word diaspora? fk off

[Vulgar]

Excellent marks on sensitivity with words in the text. I might be missing someone but I think that you, Pancake and English (in no order) have a strong vocabulary on this forum. Back to the content, the whole thing was a home run hitter until the last few lines, I fear. I'm a mortal enemy of the word 'encroached' in creative writing because I feel like when I hear it, a mental image of a roach pops up automatically. The sound of the word even mentally conjures that. The flow was satisfactory but the care for the language is why I was paying attention.

that encaptured his knowledge. Valedictory speech,
thrown off some caps (he hadn't been that since 2003).
^lol very clever.

Home was a house he had left. Passages walked
til he found a thought to follow again.
^Very insightful.

Like shouts in his head. Mantras mounted like death
and surrounded the bed among baubles, and pens,
^Sick.

Good work, Split.

[Split]

Thanks Vulgar, great feed. lol @ encroach, I have words like that too

[theMuzzl3]

this is good.

I'd honestly have to google several words to get definitions to get the full meaning.

But, you got some talent, for sure.

[big baby]

dont like when u say 'he had read'

seems worded wackily wise