but self-destruction...

[Zen]

Sometimes I think I'm withering, caving from stress. Lay me to rest where I can daydream make-believe myths. I'm waiting on something to change, please. Maybe, I guess. At work I'm angry biting my tongue, strangling my breath. A slave to reps. Waiting on a day to go fist to face and make them break their fucking neck. I'm angry because each check's just enough to save me from debt. It's my lucky day, baby you bet, because guess what? I got a delay on the rent. Waiting on more paper to print while shopping for bargain clothes. Some days are harder than most. Some days I think, why bother? I smoke to break the monotony, to cope. Until smoking becomes montonous. I'm broke. Locked in a bottomless hole that's waiting to swallow me whole. It'd be comical if the consequences weren't so ominous. A joke. Consciousness erodes when promises are spoke. The populace takes hold. They got me with hope. Documents unfold from amiable men promising new ways to save us again. I've got buckets of change, still nothing makes any sense. I took that to the bank, and they gave me a pen.

I've got no patience, shit, been drinking again. Vodka, oof, that pain going in. Swallow the craving with a cringe. Love it. Each day on a binge. Fuck, I'm crazy as shit. Lol at life. Lol at dreams. Lol at my mind taking control over me. Are we ever in control? Or was that a lie we've been told to believe? We just follow the zeitgeist in our prose when we speak. Most don't change. They don't know they're asleep. Criticize those who do to try and expose them as weak. Critics are everywhere. They even made their home Nc's. They want you prone on your knees to tell you what you're supposed to be. Lol at egos. Like they know how you feel. Change what you wrote. "Wow that's so ill!" I change every moment because I haven't found what appeals. I wrote poems. I've touted my skill. Sometimes it was nothing but randomness. I was clouded with pills, but still got props as a drug addict with no talent. Forreal. This is the realest thing I've ever wrote, and it'll still amount to nil.

Go to the mountains to chill. I see the strangeness of the world. It pains me to see it. God, war, poverty, I try to create it's meaning. Hoping if I can define it, I can make me believe it. Examine and dissect it. Write about it. Explain it in thesis. Tame it and seize it 'til the strangeness seizes. Spoiler alert! It doesn't work. It increases the pain. No appeasement. I'm estranged from friends and family because they can't handle me. I've had a hand in their agony. I turn my back on 'em. It's the only way to save them from tragedy. Give them a chance to live happily. See what they can be without me damning 'em callously. I throw my hands up, stand up, and dance off the balcony.

Goooooooood-bye.

[Certain]

This was the best thing I've seen from you.

[Vulgar]

This is a chockfull of good writing. Why must it be so... emo though? I feel like you have many stories to tell to the world and some of the alcoholic in you (there's something in us all) comes out and causes a blockage of your potential to write astounding pieces. The first stanza I liked, the second a little less and the third I wasn't feeling because it ended with a mock suicide. You did well illustrating the difficulties in the main character's life but inserting open mic writing 'never being good enough' in the equation kind of supports that paradox. If you write about writing, it's not as lasting in the long run, at least in my opinion. This medium is rewarding, yet also treacherous.

Are we ever in control? Or was that a lie we've been told to believe? We just follow the zeitgeist in our prose when we speak.
^This part was brilliant.

Don't take this as a formal critique as they're only my thoughts and reactions. It's good writing but slightly counter-productive in its tone. Take it for what it is.

Keep doing you

[dull boy]

Dear Vulgar. The way you're endlessly talking about writing as a sort of reach for perfection and what it can be is always nice to see. There are times when writing for writings sake and the never ending pursuit of perfect pieces is a goal, but for the most part I write lazily and see no shame in that. It'll all be dust some day. What you say in feedback is all feedback should ever be. I respect you always pushing other writers.

Feedback for your feedback. And I thought it kind of applied to many of my writings, as well.

Zen... I see you. Someday I'll respond lol

[Vulgar]

lol^

I respect what everyone does with their craft. I just speak my mind, I think it's the ghost in me taking hold. Writing just to write is cool with me, but don't expect me to get an erection.

[Zen]

ERECTED

[ill nik-A]

This guy dull is so sad he tries to even tell u how to feed pieces, wow

[Witty]

I don't understand what Vulgar meant by it's too emo...surely writing is about communicating your thoughts and emotions, and if those emotions are negative at the moment it is only right to reflect that in your writing?

I love Vulgar tho...I thought this was dope, I'm at work right now but I'll try and go more indepth when I'm home, but I agree with Certain that this is my favourite piece from you, which I also said last time I read one of your pieces lol that's a good thing tho, it shows you are growing with every piece and I respect that a lot, keep doing you man, you have the talent and potential to be as dope as anyone.

[Mitch]

very sick, the first paragraph was my favorite. I read this a few times, its deep.

[dull boy]

Originally Posted by ill nik-A

This guy dull is so sad he tries to even tell u how to feed pieces, wow

This was poor feedback.

[Certain]

It kind of was accurate.

[wolfdick]

first paragraph was awesome bro. The ending made me laugh yet it was some real shit so props on making it funny while still give you that "just my fuckin luck" feel. My favorite parts in this part was the
"Some days are harder than most. Some days I think, why bother? I smoke to break the monotony, to cope. Until smoking becomes montonous. I'm broke. Locked in a bottomless hole that's waiting to swallow me whole. It'd be comical if the consequences weren't so ominous. A joke."
That whole section was really well done and spoke volumes about life in general for the people below the upper and middle class

the second paragraph was more focused on one particular feeling or thought; apathy while still trying. Rare to display but very often felt. The flow trailed a bit compared to the first paragraph but was still strong and still had a lot of good points, especially again the last line. I myself have felt like this a few times, when you don't try its admired but when you do try its chastised. nothing to be chastised here.

The third paragraph really brought it all home, the flow picked up as did the emotions and thought provoking wording ie
Hoping if I can define it, I can make me believe it. Examine and dissect it. Write about it. Explain it in thesis. Tame it and seize it 'til the strangeness seizes. Spoiler alert! It doesn't work.
This really tells us all we need to know about this piece. Your examination of the world today and realizing that no matter how closely you monitor it and study it there is just some stuff so stupid, so crazy, and just plain out of your control that you'll never fully understand it. This was dope my brother, The ending was very real considering the fact the thoughts you displayed here are along the lines of plenty of people I've known personally and celebrities alike that committed suicide become of the fact that the world will not and cannot change for the better because of the want for it to.
I loved this man forreal, keep dropping....and not off of balcony's

[Coup]

dang man...what can i say about this really, only that the 3rd paragraph brought it home, like i saw something behind these words

but what could one say to this, that could offer any condolence or let the author know his readers get what's behind the word....i can only think of that life is a vapor in all the days of our vanity

[Adverse]

This is awesome, from top to bottom. You destroyed every rhyme scheme in this withour straying from the subject. It was dope, relatable, lyrical...the imagery sold me too. This could really be an anthem for a lot of us that can't seem to get our lives together, I definetly relate. Kinda reminded me of 'Rock Bottom' by Eminem. Really dope my dude hope to see more.

[bumperboy1]

that went hard as f**k....great work

[Kin]

I'm angry because each check's just enough to save me from debt
-real

smoke to break the monotony, to cope. Until smoking becomes montonous
-whoa

Criticize those who do to try and expose them as weak.
-smooth...that whole 2nd section was crazy tho'...

ending was strong on this too..

always bringin' the realest writtenz...this dude is consistent...always enjoy what you droppin' in here Zen

keep em' comin'

HoLLa