Goin In

Advocate · 06-20-2013, 07:52 PM

I stunt like I’m acrobratic
Smoove as linen fabric
No Vladamir
If these bytches keep stallin imma have a beer
And I don’t drink so I’m think I’m just out the atmosphere
As it appears, I been here for years, betta be glad I’m here.
My double entendras intact like a black Honda
Cruisin in a Civic to be specific in my pajamas
They sittin there livid cuz I live it how I wanna
Bytches like Yolanda want my comma, comma, comma
Screamin karma, karma, karma
I didn’t mean to harm ya
You don’t like the way I switch it, I suggest you switch ya genre

Please tell me what you think!

Advocate · 06-20-2013, 08:00 PM

All feedback is good feedback.

Geno · 06-20-2013, 10:41 PM

Liked this silly ass shit for some reason. The civics gotta go tho man lol

Cruisin in a Civic to be specificin my pajamas

Thought it was really simple content wise. Had a smooth flow though, easy read and entertaining at least cause I just wasn't reaally sure what you were gonna toss out there next.

I suggest working on your concepts. Don't be so baasic, what I mean is this, I dug the fact that your shit had a sort of unpredictable feel to it, but the stuff you were saying just seemed teenager-ish, or like childish almost. Get more wicked with it. Use less frequently touched words/vocab. Think outside of the box.

Keep posting. Thanks for showing other posts love, good work

Advocate · 06-20-2013, 10:56 PM

Haha much appreciated! Imma keep everything you had said in mind.
Thanks again for the feedback, it seems like that's something hard to get on alot of these forum sites.

Geno · 06-20-2013, 11:14 PM

Ya. Its off and on around here. Were still working on more feedback to go around. But trust me man. The more you write and get seen -the more people will start fucking with you. Best thing you can do is try to pm other members and get some collabs going, that's always a good way to introduce yourself and catch some buzz. Keep doing you. Ill holla. 1

Vulgar · 06-21-2013, 08:13 PM

This was cool... lol @ "karma karma karma" - had a nice ring to it and you put a personal spin on the tone of the content which I liked. You seem like you have good instincts. Keep it up.

Eŋg · 06-22-2013, 11:34 PM

I thought it was pretty cool on some laid-back shit, like you ain't care really if some of your shit came off as nonsense. So this was quite scattered but showed you have a little something in terms of ability you could probably work with... Do so.

06-20-2013, 07:52 PM	#1
Advocate Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Harlem, NY Posts: 57 Rep Power: 37	Goin In I stunt like I’m acrobratic Smoove as linen fabric No Vladamir If these bytches keep stallin imma have a beer And I don’t drink so I’m think I’m just out the atmosphere As it appears, I been here for years, betta be glad I’m here. My double entendras intact like a black Honda Cruisin in a Civic to be specific in my pajamas They sittin there livid cuz I live it how I wanna Bytches like Yolanda want my comma, comma, comma Screamin karma, karma, karma I didn’t mean to harm ya You don’t like the way I switch it, I suggest you switch ya genre Please tell me what you think!

06-20-2013, 10:41 PM	#3
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	Liked this silly ass shit for some reason. The civics gotta go tho man lol Cruisin in a Civic to be specificin my pajamas Thought it was really simple content wise. Had a smooth flow though, easy read and entertaining at least cause I just wasn't reaally sure what you were gonna toss out there next. I suggest working on your concepts. Don't be so baasic, what I mean is this, I dug the fact that your shit had a sort of unpredictable feel to it, but the stuff you were saying just seemed teenager-ish, or like childish almost. Get more wicked with it. Use less frequently touched words/vocab. Think outside of the box. Keep posting. Thanks for showing other posts love, good work __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

06-20-2013, 11:14 PM	#5
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	Ya. Its off and on around here. Were still working on more feedback to go around. But trust me man. The more you write and get seen -the more people will start fucking with you. Best thing you can do is try to pm other members and get some collabs going, that's always a good way to introduce yourself and catch some buzz. Keep doing you. Ill holla. 1 __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

06-20-2013, 08:00 PM	#2
Advocate Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Harlem, NY Posts: 57 Rep Power: 37	All feedback is good feedback.

06-20-2013, 10:56 PM	#4
Advocate Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Harlem, NY Posts: 57 Rep Power: 37	Haha much appreciated! Imma keep everything you had said in mind. Thanks again for the feedback, it seems like that's something hard to get on alot of these forum sites.

06-21-2013, 08:13 PM	#6
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	This was cool... lol @ "karma karma karma" - had a nice ring to it and you put a personal spin on the tone of the content which I liked. You seem like you have good instincts. Keep it up.

06-22-2013, 11:34 PM	#7
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,150 Rep Power: 0	I thought it was pretty cool on some laid-back shit, like you ain't care really if some of your shit came off as nonsense. So this was quite scattered but showed you have a little something in terms of ability you could probably work with... Do so.