critique my bars

[Chyeahhh!!!]

I recently came out of retirement briefly and dropped some bars for a few cats. Tell me what you think.

first up



vs Orc

checked the BA, saw your lack of shows, and was met with disappointment
I'd say your days we're numbered, but you’re so bad with calendars
I’m surprised you kept, dis appointment
You backwards hall of famer, don’t be shocked that I showed up
If we traveled back before your concepts,son, you’d be in or on crO’s nuts
heard that coke habit got you broke captain, I’ll just make it brief
all that blow n your nose got you open wider than a hanger, chief
blammin’ for the title, I’m harder than seeing a person/age
and I'm keep'n it a hunned when I say your 1 in 99 for chances of survival
I’m John Rambo, you more like John Stamos, we can bar tango
Fluck what ever guard he in....
I’ll put my foot in your ass at odd and akward angles and arch my ankle
Say I’m not stable? congrats on win'n the "obv award" of the day
I named every one of my guns after a bad bitch….that'll blow every last one of yours away
I bêt when Lama contacted you about HOF and doing your highlights
You were mixing llama extract juice for your face mask and doing your highlights
I'm at you in less than 24, you know the god's bars come heavy
suttin like your period, not to mention we all know pretty boys take long to get ready

[Sharp]

IMO - take or leave what I'm saying, I won't be hurt lol

vs Orc

checked the BA, saw your lack of shows, and was met with disappointment
I'd say your days we're numbered, but you’re so bad with calendars
I’m surprised you kept, dis appointment
Cool idea, a little too wordy to hit for me. Maybe it's just that I'm newish to text but I kinda learned less is more with wording. Kinda like telling a joke tbh
You backwards hall of famer, don’t be shocked that I showed up
If we traveled back before your concepts,son, you’d be in or on crO’s nuts
Conception tie in is cool but the way it's done wasn't as good. Helps to make a whole phrase that works both ways, but again I learned jokey shit
heard that coke habit got you broke captain, I’ll just make it brief
all that blow n your nose got you open wider than a hanger, chief
Unless I'm missing something this was kinda basic delivery. 'like or as' shit ain't bad but isn't quoted too often unless there's some dope hidden stuff
blammin’ for the title, I’m harder than seeing a person/age
and I'm keep'n it a hunned when I say your 1 in 99 for chances of survival
Thought this was cool tbh. Some dudes might have an issue with the rhyme scheme but fuck em. Only thing I'd change would maybe be '1 n 99' to make 1 in 99 connect more to 1 and 99
I’m John Rambo, you more like John Stamos, we can bar tango
Fluck what ever guard he in....
I’ll put my foot in your ass at odd and akward angles and arch my ankle
my guess is youre referncing something called the guardian, i dont get it but its a clear refence
Say I’m not stable? congrats on win'n the "obv award" of the day
I named every one of my guns after a bad bitch….that'll blow every last one of yours away
alright, there isnt much here since the connection is bad bitch to bad bitch... iunno, probably your weakest bar
I bêt when Lama contacted you about HOF and doing your highlights
You were mixing llama extract juice for your face mask and doing your highlights
nice idea, but probably could've been worded better, its kinda statementish
I'm at you in less than 24, you know the god's bars come heavy
suttin like your period, not to mention we all know pretty boys take long to get ready
kinda all over the place tbh, was the punch the period thing or calling him a pretty boy?


dun