DEADMAN - Door in the Wall / RIFT

[dead man]

I.


terra incognita. capricorn, aquarius and libra
objects free of consequence or parody or Visa
great mother, Gaia, teacher. stripping Mary and Theresa
all hail, Queens of stone aegis - Elizabeth, Latifah
let the names come secondary and experience prime
impression sans empirical mindset, Being Dasein
we all know appearances lie. so here is the time
to compromise all paradigms and make it alive
like, we learn to write and utilize our language to rhyme
but its nothing more than symbol, indication, and sign
there's no spirit involved. watch the formula fall
bricks are solid insofar as there's a door in the wall
a fork in the road. spoon in the bed. knife in the back
observe, record and publicize, describe it as fact
logs and graphs. toss trash, keep plastic island intact
yet we're all just plastic islands. that's how mindsets adapt
from a primal state to cyberspace to brains in a jar
sub-sarahan safari. trip face til self-awareness dissolves
and it's all the same. fortune, fame, scarab and larva
***tus skin like mandolins to Quinceaneras and salsa
yet it's relative. karma loops as choruses bridge
the pestilent, the dharma-proof, the force to exist -
forgo the foremen, livid as their masonry cracked
you stole our right to apprehend. we're taking it back
it's the information era where the click of a key
makes an expert in the field of any given degree
it's like consolidated knowledge is a prison we need
to feel informed in a world of pre-intelligent beings
mission delete, meta-memory, remember: forget
yourself inside the world. they said our system was set
to feel safe at stage 1 of our synthetical bliss
i've sacrificed my Glenmorangie for mescaline drips
pop a soma tab and listen to the feelies at 6
the world is brave, not the people. and herein lies the rift ..




- Black

[Eŋg]

i read this a few times. will read again.

those last four lines though.

word.

[Frank]

Same piece every time or is it just me?


Biomechanic writing - would like to read a story from you.

[dead man]

Originally Posted by Frank

Same piece every time or is it just me?


Biomechanic writing - would like to read a story from you.

yes

[veritas]

Last line.

[Illume]

Insane lines

we all know appearances lie. so here is the time
to compromise all paradigms and make it alive
like, we learn to write and utilize our language to rhyme
but its nothing more than symbol, indication, and sign

&

yet we're all just plastic islands. that's how mindsets adapt
from a primal state to cyberspace to brains in a jar
sub-sarahan safari. trip face til self-awareness dissolves
and it's all the same. fortune, fame, scarab and larva
***tus skin like mandolins to Quinceaneras and salsa
yet it's relative. karma loops as choruses bridge
the pestilent, the dharma-proof, the force to exist -

&

it's the information era where the click of a key
makes an expert in the field of any given degree
it's like consolidated knowledge is a prison we need
to feel informed in a world of pre-intelligent beings

& Opener.

One of my favourite pieces on netcees.

[Zen]

Originally Posted by The Mind Assassin

Last line.

I agree with this. The last line was very powerful. It was one of the few moments I've had reading people's writing and just thought damn. I'd leave better feed but I don't really know what to critique on in this really.

One thing that I've probably said before about your work is that your flow feels effortless. It's different than any other on the site I think and it distinguishes your writing from everyone else. The stops and pauses in the middle of lines helps the reader to know how YOU intended it to be read which is something that I think all other writers on the site need to work on. Especially me lol.

I do slightly agree with Frank. What I mean by that is that there seems to be an overarching theme in everyone of your works as of late giving off (in my opinion) the feeling of being disconnected with others. I remember one of your pieces you dropped earlier (but I can't remember the name of it right now) that had a line that went like, "I was lonely as ever as I followed the crowd". With the ending of this and other more subtle lines alluding to that same concept I could see how it could be apart of the same theme. This isn't a negative thing as we all write what we feel and usually we all have similar themes and emotions spread across our writing. Hell, I even took sections out of different verses I wrote and added them in random sections in separate works cuz, avant garde.

I didn't really have any critique on this work specifically so I decided to type up my feelings on your work as a whole lol. Enjoyed it as always. Peace.

[DexLabb]

loved this man, one of the only writers here that can write spoken poetry and make it sound good. last line, made me think. i have a theory that you are a high school english teacher haha. anyway, you seem to be fairly disgusted with the world and it's uniform consciousness, seems to be a reoccurring theme in what you do.

[dead man]

do the knowledge

[dead man]

Originally Posted by The Mind Assassin

Upping.

[Geno]

9+8'lkjnpop