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05-16-2013, 12:33 AM
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#1 |
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The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 59349682   |
The Build Up
Oh how we dance this hideous dance
we speak of adventure...love...romance it..defeats the purpose..the leads are worthless the dance is the same..so is the world kid... the world is as cruel as it could get... and if not for people like us...who would live? who would live my child, is it..us or them what do we find when it comes to lust or sin? they succumb to wit...their brain works sluggish Ooo how I love it, the process is somewhat methodical phenomenal, why the long face...is something.. wrong with you?? of course not, the hilarity will ensue shortly and we will all see where the new course leads... I hate to make it public...but I'm not to be fucked with I'll drown your whole family in an illegal substance blame society and daddy for what happened and you thought it was all fun and games...it's a distraction they'd never see it coming...they'd never understand it and that's.....that's the challenge :) |
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05-16-2013, 01:41 AM
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#2 |
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Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 88
Battle Record: 0-1
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Rep Power: 38   |
Damn right with that title...Since I've been back on netcees I have fed a lot of shit from u. Love ur technique and style...Very netcee ish but still has its own flavor...Which is dope tbh IMO...Lol this was good man but u had me craving more...
I was so enthralled by u actually attacking with substance...Then you go and leave me hanging like that...Not cool but for real this was good...Just next time out making it longer and let the topic lead into something beautiful cause what u had here could of been that...You defly got skills man I will say that...I know u can write longer I got faith in u... Keep droppit homie
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Delirious Nomads
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05-16-2013, 02:03 PM
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#3 |
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( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,868
Battle Record: 17-32
Rep Power: 52474192 |
Enjoyed the closure to the verse, it made think abit more about the shit you said. Short and sweet verse. I thought it would also build up in terms of the rhymescheme as the verse progressed as well, but it didn't. It's cool with a simple rhymescheme but personally I would have liked to see a little bit more on that department. I read it more as a poem the way it is now. Either way; The content was cool enough and easy to grasp, allright concept but it lacks that little extra imo. Keep dropping.
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I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o |
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05-21-2013, 09:26 PM
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#4 |
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The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 59349682 |
thanks fellas
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05-22-2013, 06:59 AM
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143 is here....
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 31
Battle Record: 0-1
Rep Power: 37 |
*Going to the Police for a restraining order*
This is vivid as fuck. the flow and the structure greatly highlights the build up in this. At the end you make it as plain as white bread to summate your drop. This drop is as abstract in places as it is in your face. Hard to pull that off as a writer but you did it...Nice
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 I stay an Infeckted Pen.... |
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05-22-2013, 01:35 PM
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#6 |
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Arm the Homeless
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,102
Battle Record: 22-24
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 35079722 |
it..defeats the purpose..the leads are worthless
the dance is the same..so is the world kid ^Damn. Nice. The other guys have said the same thing and I've said the same thing to you plenty of times, write a longer piece man. You get us into this piece and then it just ends. No bueno. You've got some nice skills man I just only wish your pieces were longer. |
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05-26-2013, 03:32 PM
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#7 |
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The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,046
Battle Record: 35-45
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 59349682 |
O_o well I have a page coming out soon
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.....laugh....and the world laughs with you |
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05-26-2013, 03:44 PM
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#8 |
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Junior Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 27
Rep Power: 137477 |
Oh how we dance this hideous dance
we speak of adventure...love...romance it..defeats the purpose..the leads are worthless the dance is the same..so is the world kid... Like how you started out your drop... nice flow I hate to make it public...but I'm not to be fucked with I'll drown your whole family in an illegal substance blame society and daddy for what happened and you thought it was all fun and games...it's a distraction I liked these lines as well...nice work overall.... |
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