Straight Razor - 12 line S&F

Nigma · 05-16-2013, 06:26 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=w3GmwHc5yJE

Who Am I...

I'm 3Nigma Shaheen and I'm borderline reckless
Minds a portal-like nexus I'm exploring times depth with
Beckon Mordecai's blessing so I'm sure to find penance
Since the torment I've pent up tests an orphan childs lessons
I'm immortal, I'm death, because theres more then 5 senses
I'm a corporal flight expert that is soaring by jets
From the warmth of skies down to where the coral life's present
From a forest pine exit to the course of fine deserts within 4 or 5 seconds
I've contorted lines, bent them and then sorted like Tetris
From these fortified methods, left you horny as a porcupine sexting
I'm a war-aligned spectre, just a horrified tenant of abnormal eyes set
Designing warning signs kept within the core of my sentence hoping mortal eyes catch them...

Who Are You?...

Sharp · 05-16-2013, 06:41 PM

(Attempting to feed to make sure you get something for voting on the battles)

Groovy shit. Your writer definitely showed in a good way here, the technical stuff was all on point. Dug the whole verse being a part of one scheme, made it feel effortless and stream of thought (whether it was or wasnt) and that made it all the more impressive. Part I thought were the most effective:

I'm immortal, I'm death, because theres more then 5 senses
I'm a corporal flight expert that is soaring by jets
From the warmth of skies down to where the coral life's present
From a forest pine exit to the course of fine deserts within 4 or 5 seconds
I've contorted lines, bent them and then sorted like Tetris
From these fortified methods, left you horny as a porcupine sexting

Had that combination of a slick scheme, flow, imagery and general swaginess achieved through the concepts used. Definitely keep at it

Zen · 05-17-2013, 02:22 PM

This was some dope shit Nigma. I'm actually wishin now I would've joined the swag and flow tourney to see how I woulda faired out there, but that's completely off topic lol.
To this piece man I gotta say it really was dope. I won't quote anything because otherwise I'd just end up repostin the whole damn post man. The word choice of this piece is what really made this stick out me. Nicely done here man.

05-16-2013, 06:26 PM	#1
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,723 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595813	Straight Razor - 12 line S&F http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=w3GmwHc5yJE Who Am I... I'm 3Nigma Shaheen and I'm borderline reckless Minds a portal-like nexus I'm exploring times depth with Beckon Mordecai's blessing so I'm sure to find penance Since the torment I've pent up tests an orphan childs lessons I'm immortal, I'm death, because theres more then 5 senses I'm a corporal flight expert that is soaring by jets From the warmth of skies down to where the coral life's present From a forest pine exit to the course of fine deserts within 4 or 5 seconds I've contorted lines, bent them and then sorted like Tetris From these fortified methods, left you horny as a porcupine sexting I'm a war-aligned spectre, just a horrified tenant of abnormal eyes set Designing warning signs kept within the core of my sentence hoping mortal eyes catch them... Who Are You?...

05-17-2013, 02:22 PM	#3
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	This was some dope shit Nigma. I'm actually wishin now I would've joined the swag and flow tourney to see how I woulda faired out there, but that's completely off topic lol. To this piece man I gotta say it really was dope. I won't quote anything because otherwise I'd just end up repostin the whole damn post man. The word choice of this piece is what really made this stick out me. Nicely done here man.