The Joke's Still On You

Mr. J · 05-02-2013, 12:09 AM

Never has there been someone so sadistic
so sick that it's twisted, Keith Sweating my ignorance
vagabond shoes on.. with a blunt in one hand
a bic in the other..grin on my face...dick in your mother
I'm having some fucking fun annnnd...what's up son
I'll burn the same cloth that you were cut up from
gasoline bath, kerosene cash...same burning match
toss ya bird ass down to AZ as you turn to ash
ball til' you fall, you literally have to learn from that
bursting, laughter and pipes at the same damn time
bursting, laughter, as pipes burst on the main dam line
now the whole world has seen my wet dream...
how God blessed me with the sanity of a depressed me
drowning in the tears of millions...

it's fucking ridiculious

EndSane · 05-02-2013, 12:45 AM

Not bad but I thought you lost it towards the end...I love the rhyme scheme and the flow...what I miss about netcees so much is it is actually rap...rr was nothing but topicals with 20 syllable lines and I wasn't feeling it at all...seemed like it was a flex and I liked it a lot...really no qualms with anything particular just the end tbh...I understood where I were going just thought it took too long to execute it

Zen · 05-02-2013, 11:59 AM

This was pretty good. To be honest I enjoyed the first one better. I'd say really for the time being try to write one really long piece so there isn't a bunch of short pieces in the OM lol. But really this was just pretty good. Nice little flex and really nothing more to say. Keep droppin man.

Mr. J · 05-04-2013, 11:58 PM

thanks gentlemen

Natural · 05-05-2013, 05:36 AM

I differ a bit. I think it was a dope flex. The only flow hiccup i see in the entire thing is the word damn line....think it would have been better saying main line.

Minor though.
Its obvious you can spit.

I enjoyed. I don't even really have any negativees. Drop like this and ill peep.
Stay up

Objective · 05-05-2013, 05:03 PM

It was ok at best, nothing spectacular but the read was cool enough nonetheless. Felt it fell off towards the end and I couldn't really get the closure to flow well in my head. It's as if you just said ''fuck it, I'll just end this shit right here without doing anything to it..'' Decent for a vent-verse but all-in-all I'd like to see more personally.

Mr. J · 05-06-2013, 11:17 PM

indeed

Dope girl · 05-07-2013, 12:29 PM

its alright to me, nothing Creative.... you stick with topic,
& words on with it.

Just Write · 05-07-2013, 04:56 PM

this was a nice little drop, felt that you coulda smoothed it out by dropping some add on words- for instance instead of

Never has there been someone so sadistic
so sick that it's twisted, Keith Sweating my ignorance

would have come off cleaner imo like this

Never has there been someone so sadistic
so sick n twisted, Keith Sweating my ignorance

as far as everything else goes i dig the laid back rap flow. keep keyin

05-02-2013, 12:09 AM	#1
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	The Joke's Still On You Never has there been someone so sadistic so sick that it's twisted, Keith Sweating my ignorance vagabond shoes on.. with a blunt in one hand a bic in the other..grin on my face...dick in your mother I'm having some fucking fun annnnd...what's up son I'll burn the same cloth that you were cut up from gasoline bath, kerosene cash...same burning match toss ya bird ass down to AZ as you turn to ash ball til' you fall, you literally have to learn from that bursting, laughter and pipes at the same damn time bursting, laughter, as pipes burst on the main dam line now the whole world has seen my wet dream... how God blessed me with the sanity of a depressed me drowning in the tears of millions... it's fucking ridiculious

05-07-2013, 04:56 PM	#9
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997617	this was a nice little drop, felt that you coulda smoothed it out by dropping some add on words- for instance instead of Never has there been someone so sadistic so sick that it's twisted, Keith Sweating my ignorance would have come off cleaner imo like this Never has there been someone so sadistic so sick n twisted, Keith Sweating my ignorance as far as everything else goes i dig the laid back rap flow. keep keyin __________________

05-02-2013, 12:45 AM	#2
EndSane Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 88 Battle Record: 0-1 Champed Challenge Week I Challenge Week II Challenge Week III Challenge Week IV Challenge Week V Challenge Week VI Challenge Week VII Challenge Week VIII Challenge Week IX Challenge Week X Rep Power: 38	Not bad but I thought you lost it towards the end...I love the rhyme scheme and the flow...what I miss about netcees so much is it is actually rap...rr was nothing but topicals with 20 syllable lines and I wasn't feeling it at all...seemed like it was a flex and I liked it a lot...really no qualms with anything particular just the end tbh...I understood where I were going just thought it took too long to execute it

05-02-2013, 11:59 AM	#3
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	This was pretty good. To be honest I enjoyed the first one better. I'd say really for the time being try to write one really long piece so there isn't a bunch of short pieces in the OM lol. But really this was just pretty good. Nice little flex and really nothing more to say. Keep droppin man.

05-04-2013, 11:58 PM	#4
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	thanks gentlemen

05-05-2013, 05:36 AM	#5
Natural Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 659 Rep Power: 0	I differ a bit. I think it was a dope flex. The only flow hiccup i see in the entire thing is the word damn line....think it would have been better saying main line. Minor though. Its obvious you can spit. I enjoyed. I don't even really have any negativees. Drop like this and ill peep. Stay up

05-05-2013, 05:03 PM	#6
Objective ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º) Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,868 Battle Record: 17-32 Rep Power: 52474192	It was ok at best, nothing spectacular but the read was cool enough nonetheless. Felt it fell off towards the end and I couldn't really get the closure to flow well in my head. It's as if you just said ''fuck it, I'll just end this shit right here without doing anything to it..'' Decent for a vent-verse but all-in-all I'd like to see more personally.

05-06-2013, 11:17 PM	#7
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	indeed

05-07-2013, 12:29 PM	#8
Dope girl Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: I live in Florida Posts: 4,789 Battle Record: 3-8 Rep Power: 55521419	its alright to me, nothing Creative.... you stick with topic, & words on with it.