It Should Be Expected...

Rawn MD · 03-21-2014, 11:51 PM

Short Swag n Flow verse

Musically, I'm So charged...
No farce, Im fluidly Harpo Marx w joke cards, and a gold harp
A fluently tone sharp Amadeus Mozart mixed with van Gough drog art
In a boneyard of ubiquitous Ozarks, being split with a trochar
Skin thick as a grown shark, resistant to solar, sickness and sonar
They don't know war, I'm Carl von Clauswitz, on the fritz
Draped in a nondescript coat with Vutton imprints taking vodka sips
Innately lost hope; confident in how glock's kick n roger grips
with a bitch, strapped to load on that bondage tip, who wants the dick
I'm donned 'The Prince,' my code of omerta is hold, or fair tough
At home in the harshest weather, since polar bear rugs and arctic winters
My heart hits tempers that cause octave timbres in odd offences
Raise'n cop suspicions, parlay in yachts for business with pocket stipends
drinkin liquors they stop dispensin'

http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=59225
http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=60038

Certain · 03-22-2014, 12:07 AM

Why would you brag about being Harpo Marx? He was No. 3 in his own family. Most of this didn't make sense. "Boneyard of Ozarks"? "I'm donned The Prince"?

PancakeBrah · 03-22-2014, 11:22 AM

Average at best.

razor wayans damon blades · 03-22-2014, 09:42 PM

ithink the feed is harsh. cuz of lack of depth!

There is a few discrepancies I noticed

"My heart hits tempers that cause octave timbres in odd offences "

That is a far stretch of words! You heart hits tempers(?) (?) that cause octave timbres, that's a far fetched pitch but, it isnt bad, its just the end that throws me off a tadbit! "odd offences" ? Hmmmm! Explain that one

the opening was a bit all over the places trying to intermingle rhyme schemes with words from previous stanzas, or over enunciate assonance like vowel undertones, in this case the "ui" monosyllabic extension is used but the line itself, seems a bit forced, causing the rhyme 2 suffer!!

"Musically, I'm So charged...
No farce, Im fluidly Harpo Marx w joke cards, and a gold harp "

oh my, youre all over the place rawn! But this isnt bad. It was a relaxed swaggy piece. keep on brethren

03-21-2014, 11:51 PM	#1
Rawn MD Get MacDon Join Date: Dec 1969 Posts: 2,168 Battle Record: 3-7 Accomplishments - OM HOF Rep Power: 0	It Should Be Expected... Short Swag n Flow verse Musically, I'm So charged... No farce, Im fluidly Harpo Marx w joke cards, and a gold harp A fluently tone sharp Amadeus Mozart mixed with van Gough drog art In a boneyard of ubiquitous Ozarks, being split with a trochar Skin thick as a grown shark, resistant to solar, sickness and sonar They don't know war, I'm Carl von Clauswitz, on the fritz Draped in a nondescript coat with Vutton imprints taking vodka sips Innately lost hope; confident in how glock's kick n roger grips with a bitch, strapped to load on that bondage tip, who wants the dick I'm donned 'The Prince,' my code of omerta is hold, or fair tough At home in the harshest weather, since polar bear rugs and arctic winters My heart hits tempers that cause octave timbres in odd offences Raise'n cop suspicions, parlay in yachts for business with pocket stipends drinkin liquors they stop dispensin' http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=59225 http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=60038 __________________ FFC>FCC A. bove T. he R. est Last edited by Rawn MD; 03-22-2014 at 01:12 AM.

03-22-2014, 12:07 AM	#2
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	Why would you brag about being Harpo Marx? He was No. 3 in his own family. Most of this didn't make sense. "Boneyard of Ozarks"? "I'm donned The Prince"? __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

03-22-2014, 11:22 AM	#3
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	Average at best. __________________ Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder

03-22-2014, 09:42 PM	#4
razor wayans damon blades Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Posts: 43 Rep Power: 3501591	ithink the feed is harsh. cuz of lack of depth! There is a few discrepancies I noticed "My heart hits tempers that cause octave timbres in odd offences " That is a far stretch of words! You heart hits tempers(?) (?) that cause octave timbres, that's a far fetched pitch but, it isnt bad, its just the end that throws me off a tadbit! "odd offences" ? Hmmmm! Explain that one the opening was a bit all over the places trying to intermingle rhyme schemes with words from previous stanzas, or over enunciate assonance like vowel undertones, in this case the "ui" monosyllabic extension is used but the line itself, seems a bit forced, causing the rhyme 2 suffer!! "Musically, I'm So charged... No farce, Im fluidly Harpo Marx w joke cards, and a gold harp " oh my, youre all over the place rawn! But this isnt bad. It was a relaxed swaggy piece. keep on brethren