Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Forum > Open Mic Section
Register FAQ Community Calendar Today's Posts Search

User Tag List

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-18-2013, 04:15 PM   #1
Just Write
Senior Member
 
Just Write's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,709
Battle Record: 9-12



Rep Power: 4997617
Just Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant future
Default Devotion to script (personal made public)

they said to touch base on some more emotional shit
so i decided to comply & entitled this "devotion to script"
the potentest written ive ever wrote in this bitch..
so if you read it, just feed it an accept it for the openness in it..
i've always seen my hope slowly diminish, so corrosive; acidic.
it doesnt help when yourself is standing as your own, lone worst critic.
my ex wife wont admit it, but she hurt me for some broken decisions
that I made, so she played me & let a different dick slip in her clitoris.
my kid was three ft away, autistic; sittin in her crib in the living room
walked in early from work w/flowers (instantly livid from this sick individual.)
funny how pain can be gained from something so simple and miniscule;
caught in a rage i displayed what i chalk up as man being instincual.
with clenched fists, gritting my teeth & seething, he was beat to a pulp,
do I regret this? - i would have but redemption voided my feelings of guilt.
pushing me to the hilt, trying not to cry as my vision was blinded,
kept hittin him till the police came and hauled me away for the violence.
court date came, sat ever so silent awaiting to pay for my crime spent
till the judge placed my sentence.. (in jail is were i began to start writing)
spent 11 months crying, fighting denial, complying to gaurds
...so much for this war hero, a purple heart and a few golden stars.
they say devilish men are from mars and devient women from venus
completely different worlds but both have a heart which is their similar weakness
and i'm not here for preaching ill leave that to hypocrits in the synagogs
not very religious, too much corruption in the world for me to believe in god
this is a collection of thoughts brought on by me connecting the dots
if they say we're ALL sinners then definitely my perception of heaven is off.
this has now became my injection of raw, unfiltered and sincerest emotions
now that i let it out on the page i dont care if you even feed it or quote it.
__________________

Last edited by Just Write; 04-18-2013 at 06:53 PM.
Just Write is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-18-2013, 09:05 PM   #2
Mike Wrecka
WOW
 
Mike Wrecka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,591
Battle Record: 29-25


Champed
- Writing Challenge League I

Rep Power: 82779338
Mike Wrecka has a brilliant futureMike Wrecka has a brilliant futureMike Wrecka has a brilliant futureMike Wrecka has a brilliant futureMike Wrecka has a brilliant futureMike Wrecka has a brilliant futureMike Wrecka has a brilliant futureMike Wrecka has a brilliant futureMike Wrecka has a brilliant futureMike Wrecka has a brilliant futureMike Wrecka has a brilliant future
Default

dope. a lot of emotion put into this piece. true story huh? seemed like it.
flow wise it was ok, but you had a strong use of words

and i'm not here for preaching ill leave that to hypocrits in the synagogs
not very religious, too much corruption in the world for me to believe in god
this is a collection of thoughts brought on by me connecting the dots
if they say we're ALL sinners then definitely my perception of heaven is off.
this has now became my injection of raw, unfiltered and sincerest emotions
now that i let it out on the page i dont care if you even feed it or quote it.


best part. good stuff . pz
Mike Wrecka is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-19-2013, 02:45 PM   #3
Zen
Arm the Homeless
 
Zen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,102
Battle Record: 22-24


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 35079722
Zen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant future
Default

Rottweilers are the Shook One's that Mobb Deep was referring to.

Now to the feed lol. Very good piece here JW. Seriously. Great sorta autobiographical story of yourself that paints the picture of who you are, well maybe not who you are but what the actions of your life made you become. Beautifully written.

i've always seen my hope slowly diminish, so corrosive; acidic.
^^Loved this line.
You're coming into your style very well and I think most people would agree with me. Your voice is there and the emotion comes from that when you're honest with yourself and true to your style. Beautiful piece imo. Keep droppin em man.
Zen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-19-2013, 03:01 PM   #4
Dove Dozer
loose leaf bruce lee
 
Dove Dozer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,077
Battle Record: 7-6



Rep Power: 1853216
Dove Dozer has a brilliant futureDove Dozer has a brilliant futureDove Dozer has a brilliant futureDove Dozer has a brilliant futureDove Dozer has a brilliant futureDove Dozer has a brilliant futureDove Dozer has a brilliant futureDove Dozer has a brilliant futureDove Dozer has a brilliant futureDove Dozer has a brilliant futureDove Dozer has a brilliant future
Default

Unreal dude. Flow was stretched on this, cause i try spitting this over a beat and its difficult. However that being said, the untapped emotion on this is crazy. I fucking love this. Heartfelt to the core of it. I wanna see more of it. Without a shadow of a doubt you are one of my favorites on this site.


Soldiers only. Hooah!
__________________
Dove Dozer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2013, 08:57 PM   #5
Just Write
Senior Member
 
Just Write's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,709
Battle Record: 9-12



Rep Power: 4997617
Just Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant future
Default

up.. all feed returned
__________________
Just Write is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:52 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2025 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+