FREE MYERS BRIGS PERSONALITY TYPE

[veritas]

I GOT INTJ WHICH IS THE RAREST OF PERSONALITY TYPES.

WHATCHU GOT?

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

[Strikta]

ENTJ

[Ghost1]

http://www.humanmetrics.com/hr/JTypesResult.aspx

[Ghost1]

That was neat how they asked 15 questions 72 dif ways. Really deep stuff.

[veritas]

Originally Posted by Strikta

ENTJ

INTERESTING. While i am the mastermind, you would be more likely to lead a corporation.

interesting in deed...well played timothy.

[veritas]

Originally Posted by Lamborghini Bags

That was neat how they asked 15 questions 72 dif ways. Really deep stuff.

it probably couldnt help you figure out how to properly post a link that accuretly reflected what you were trying to accomplish.

what were your letters buddy/

[veritas]

Originally Posted by Strikta

ENTJ

ENTJ Warlord

(Not done yet!)
"Your destruction is not my goal, but merely a stepping stone to higher ends."
Charm: Oratical
Adaptability: Average
Planning: Grand schemer
Survival Preparations: Diligent
Weapons Skill: Average
Intelligence: Masterful
Warm Fuzzies: Antarctic
Leadership: Imperial
At the Point of No Return
When the nuclear holocaust comes, the ENTJs will instantly mobilize all their assets—their spouse, children, dog, parents, grandparents, ex-girlfriend/boyfriend, next door neighbors, coworkers, the mailman, and any passerbys—and form a militia that they will drill incessantly in an underground radiation shelter. Even the dog will learn to field strip an AK-47 in under a minute, and will become one of the most loyal soldiers.
By the time the radiation has diminished to what is now considered the new “safe” level, the ENTJ will have a pocket army ready to do his or her bidding. Some might be satisfied at this point, but for the ENTJ it is only the beginning of a more far-ranging strategy.
They will choose a small rural town and order their army to seize the major's office; the coup will be swift and bloodless. Although the townspeople will initially be resentful, the ENTJ will soon come to be regarded as a folk hero since his army will hold back the incursions of zombies, mutants and INTJ Masterminds.
Now that the ENTJ has a base of operations, it is time for stage two: digging an underground rocket silo. At this point the borders of the town will be sealed and no one will go in or out without being observed by hidden cameras. Strangers will have the creepy feeling of being watched and hasten on their way. The townspeople will become a taciturn, surly lot with cultlike solidarity.
Good job! It's time to begin stage three.
When the silo is complete and the rocket has been installed, the ENTJ has two choices. First, he can incorporate a nuke and try to blackmail the world with it. Unfortunately there's not much left to blow up at this point. So instead, the ENTJ will fill the rocket with terraforming supplies, load up the best of the workers, scientists and soldiers, and head off to Mars to begin a new chapter in the destiny of humanity. When he arrives on Mars, stage four will commence.
Unfortunately, several million other ENTJs are also at stage four. The supply of Martian ice is limited, and nobody has any fuel left. On the plus side, this will give us an invaluable opportunity to study the sociological organization of an ENTJ-only society.
Of course, there will be a few ENTJs whose projects were sabotaged by annoying ESTP Troubleshooters or a strike of the slave labor union, delaying their launch schedule. As they sit in their throne room, brooding over the delay, a messenger will arrive and tentatively inform them that Mars has spontaneously combusted from unknown causes, possibly a new INTJ superweapon. There goes plan A.
Plan B involves copious amounts of evil laughter, which always gets the creative juices flowing. After giving the matter some serious thought, the ENTJ will decide to conquer the world as a stepping stone on the way to bigger objectives—such as finding a spouse. (A difficult proposition since the INFP Mystics have mysteriously turned into dustbunnies and the ESTJ Commanders have all taken their toys and headed underground.)
In fact, save for their bohemian lifestyle, the ENTJs who are left on Earth will have it pretty easy at this point. The tragic combustion of the Martian ENTJ population and the mass exodus of the ESTJs will leave a huge power vacuum that will be quickly filled by a relatively small number of individuals. These ENTJs will take over the nearby cities and become warlords and tyrant queens. Their territories will grow and grow, until one fateful day they touch.
In a way, this will be a good thing. The ENTJs were getting tired of easy victory and wanted a real challenge. Even their favorite sport of ESTP hunting was losing its luster, and the ENTJs were beginning to sink into existential depression. But now they will be delighted to devote their enormous energies to the task of destroying their fellow ENTJs.
Fortunately for the rest of humanity, the battles will be diffuse enough that they will not result in the spontaneous combustion of the planet. Unfortunately, they will be fierce enough that not even the mutated African hissing cockroaches will be able to survive in the resulting no-man's land. There will be winners and losers, and eventually the world population of ENTJs will be reduced to a viable number, say three.
One of them will end up holed up Australia, fighting a losing battle as they try to buy time to breed an army of mutant battle kangaroos. Another ENTJ will make the mistake of trying to hold Asia, but his opponent will make the even worse mistake of mounting a winter campaign against Moscow. (A somewhat inevitable situation, given the ongoing state of nuclear winter.) Once the two superpowers have duked it out to exhaustion and their frostbitten armies are spread paper thin, the Aussies will emerge and begin a blitzkrieg. The weakened ENTJs will be helpless against the hopping hoardes.
Solving the Spouse Problem
Once you have subdued the frozen fools, the world will be your apple. With laughable ease, you will conquer the rest of continents and achieve total world domination. For awhile, it will be fun. You'll have plenty to do:
Reduce crime by eliminating ESTPs and INTJs
Build an ultimate fortress that can fly
Restore the transportation system
Defend coastal cities from giant saurian mutants with fusion breath
Breed an army of saurian mutants in flying mecha suits
Build robotic versions of saurian mutants
Breed tiny lapdog-sized saurian mutants and keep them as pets
Crossbreed saurian mutants with battle kangaroos to create giant kangaroos with fusion flame breath
Hunt ESTPs and INTJs for sport with giant fusion-breathing kangaroos
Establish crime preserves to protect the world's dwindling supplies of ESTPs and INTJs
Crossbreed ESTPs and INTJs and hunt their terrifying ENTP spawn for sport
Fix the economy
Unfortunately, at this point you will start running out of ideas. Life will grow dull, and you will wonder what the point of your existence is. Worst still, you will have the sudden realization that you are the last of the ENTJs...the only one of your kind.
ENTJs have no weaknesses, but occasionally—in strict privacy—they will exercise their atrophied tear glands just in case they have to strangle an enemy with them.
One day, while performing one-glanded pushups to the accompaniment of intellectually stimulating violin music, there will be a knock on your door. Wiping the sweat from your cheek, you go to answer it. It is your trusty captain of the guards.
“Sir,” he says, “We captured a mutant trying to get into the base. Would you like to interrogate them or shall we throw them into a vat of nuclear waste?”
“I'll interrogate them,” you respond listlessly. Perhaps a good interrogation will recharge your extravert batteries, which were getting low because you've been spending so much time alone. Not bothering to straighten your wrinkled cape, you sigh and head down to the interrogation room.
When you get to the interrogation room you are surprised to find yourself looking at a rather attractive young mutant with wide pink eyes, soft pink hair, and a pair of delicate white wings. As you are to find out, she is an INFP Mystic. Your trusty guards have already put a psych-inhibitor collar around her neck to prevent her from trying to assassinate you.
“What brings you to my fortress, foolish creature?” you snarl, though not with your usual enthusiasm. The INFP's large, expressive eyes begin to fill with quivering tears, causing your lip to curl in rather hypocritical contempt. You've seen the ESTPs do far better before you tossed them into vats of nuclear waste.
In a voice of frightened nobility, the INFP declares, “I have come to speak to you about the plight of the ESTPs.”
“What, did they run out of beer again?” you ask, annoyed at your favorite prey's growing sense of entitlement.
“You're hunting them down like animals—for sport!” the INFP cries.
“What of it? They like it,” you respond.
“They do not!” the INFP says, aghast at your blunt yet accurate assessment of the ESTP attitude towards your activities. But you are always up for a good argument.
“Of course they do,” you say reasonably. You will then outline several excellent proofs for why the ESTPs enjoy the system that you put into place. Chiefly, I.) They like excitement, and you provide that in spades; II.) They are lazy, and appreciate the easy life in the preserves; III.) They breed like rats, and if you didn't hunt them, they would overpopulate their habitat and turn to cannibalism. But none of this will make the slightest dent on the INFP's beliefs, which are based on feelings rather than logic. Her response will be a passionate emotional outpouring of compassion for the “poor” ESTPs. This outburst will not make the slightest dent on your beliefs, which are based on logic rather than feelings. You are frustrated at your utter inability to communicate with this strange creature. No doubt she is a Liberal-Arts major. Still...
“Shall I throw her into a vat of nuclear waste?” your captain of the guards asks, sensing that the conversation has come to a close.
“No, have her taken to the guest chamber for further interrogation,” you reply, half of you wondering why you are sparing her. Misery loves company, you rationalize, and perhaps you will enjoy more debate with this irrational mutant later.
That afternoon you take nasty satisfaction in hunting ESTPs and having them thrown into vats of nuclear waste. After a hard day's hunting, you go the locked “guest” chamber and show yourself in with an unpleasant smile of satisfaction. The INFP looks up at your entrance with the expression of a startled fawn. You had intended to brag about your exploits, but somehow the look in those strangely colored eyes makes you feel ashamed.
“Er...are you enjoying your accommodations?” you say brusquely, trying to regain your lost initiative.
“Since you've decided to keep me prisoner I suppose I have no choice,” she says with a brave, martyred expression. You had expected a snappy ESTP comeback, and her acceptance of the situation catches you off guard.
“Get used to it!” you growl. “You'll be here a long time!” With a dramatic flourish of your cape, you stalk out. But ESTP hunting will never be the same again afterwards.
Whenever you feel depressed and frustrated, you will take to visiting your guest to vent your feelings, though of course you won't cry so much as obsessively clean the guest chamber, which she will turn into a Perceiver rat's nest. At first you will tell yourself that arguing with her makes you feel better, but after awhile it will become painfully apparent, even to you, that she herself actually makes you feel better. A strange but pleasant feeling seizes you whenever you meet her over-sized eyes. You try to find ways of being nice to her, such as providing her with internet access and books of poetry and fantasy. (She will like these better than the physics textbooks you got her earlier.) After awhile it will become obvious that you are defeated.
Sighing, you call your trusty Gamekeeper. “Tell the ESTPs that hunting season is closed for the foreseeable future. I'm shutting down the preserves.”
The INFP will be delighted with you and throw her arms around you in a gooey hug. Normally you dislike hugs and all forms of physical contact, but this time it won't be so bad. Your subordinates will think you've lost your mind as you walk around your fortress grinning stupidly and giving them unjustified compliments on their performance.
Of course the ESTPs will raise a howl of protest the next day when there are no items for them to loot in the shops. But you never cared much about what the masses thought of your decisions, because you base your decisions on logic and are therefore right 99% of the time (unless it involves feelings).
Infinitely adaptable, the ESTPs will next begin making up mocking songs about you, hoping to goad you into hunting them and reestablishing the preserves. This will irritate you—they really know how to hit where it hurts—but you will hold firm, if only to spite them.
Finally they will somehow find out the truth (curse them). At this point they will put on their most pathetic faces and drape themselves miserably across the steps of your fortress, where the INFP will see them and be filled with pity.
“Oh dear,” she says in her soft little voice. “What's wrong?”
Wretchedly the ESTPs look up, tears filling their soulless black eyes. You shoot them a look of disgust, but they pretend not to notice. The most persuasive ESTP falls to his knees and makes an impassioned plea for the reestablishment of the preserves and the hunting season, which shocks the INFP. You fight the urge to say “I told you so.”
At this, the INFP will dither, not certain what to say, and finally you will step in with a compromise and offer to reestablish the preserves and hunt the ESTPs with harmless tranquilizer darts. They will instantly agree and thank the INFP with lavish flatteries, totally ignoring you. They know who holds the real power now.
Well, at least that’s one problem out of the way. With your INFP spouse at your side, you can move into the next phase of your life: Feelings.

[Ghost1]

56%12%88%28%

ENTJ

[veritas]

so you and Timothy are the same? interesting....

[veritas]

Originally Posted by Lamborghini Bags

56%12%88%28%

ENTJ

Forming around 3% of the population, ENTJ personalities are very charismatic, rational and quick-minded. They are meant to lead and inspire other people and there is no other type that can do this with such ease. According to ENTJs, nothing is impossible if you try hard enough. Naturally, they rarely have difficulties convincing other people that the goal chosen by the ENTJ should also become one of their personal goals.

These leadership traits form the core of the ENTJ personality type. ENTJs can be unbelievably confident and charismatic – these qualities draw most other types like a magnet and this makes it quite easy for an ENTJ to achieve what they want to achieve. People belonging to this type love challenges, big and small, and firmly believe that they can accomplish everything given enough time and resources. More often than not, this confidence results in a self-fulfilling prophecy – where other types give up and move on to the next project, the ENTJ ploughs ahead and usually achieves spectacular results simply because of that sheer willpower.

Steve Jobs ENTJThat being said, no one can accuse ENTJs of narrow-mindedness or short-term thinking – ENTJ personalities are excellent strategists and have no difficulties crafting elaborate long-term plans, which are then executed with determination and precision.

These personality traits make ENTJs brilliant entrepreneurs and business strategists – their charisma and confidence can truly shine in the business world. People belonging to this type also tend to be very dominant and persuasive when it comes to arguing with others or negotiating a deal – while this can certainly turn against the ENTJ, usually it is their opponent who gives up in the face of ENTJ’s willpower and unyielding belief in his or her arguments.

Further to the above, ENTJs are very energetic and tend to have excellent communication skills. They genuinely enjoy interacting with other people and respect those who stand up to them, especially in an intellectual debate. ENTJs have no trouble recognizing someone else’s talents and such encounters are actually very healthy for them as the ENTJ’s self-confidence can easily turn into arrogance and condescension if it is not kept in check.

ENTJ personalities cannot tolerate inefficiency and cannot stand those who they perceive as lazy or incompetent. An ENTJ can be chillingly cold and ruthless when it comes to such situations – they have a very rational mind and could not care less about being sensitive when that mind tells them that someone has failed. People with this personality type put rationality above everything else – and this is one of the main reasons why they are so efficient in the business world, even if such a behavior gives them a reputation of cold-hearted tycoons. In all likelihood, an ENTJ would simply shrug their shoulders and say “I don’t care if you call me an insensitive b*****d, as long as I remain an efficient b*****d”.

Ironically, ENTJs must have the support of other people in order to be truly efficient. They are great leaders, but even the most brilliant mind cannot do everything by itself. This is especially true for ENTJs, whose confidence partially depends on the feedback they receive from their “audience”. Consequently, ENTJs should try to pay more attention to other people’s feelings or at least pretend that they do – most mature and successful ENTJs do that to some extent, even though their sensitivity may hide a cold and calculating mind.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
Steve Jobs
All these personality traits relate to ENTJ’s behavior in the professional environment. People with this personality type often believe that any expression of emotions is a display of weakness, but that does not mean that they cannot be loving and sensitive in a different environment. Feelings and emotions are definitely the Achilles’ heel of most ENTJs and they are likely to find it very difficult to reveal the emotional side of their mind. Even the most confident ENTJ is likely to feel quite powerless in such situations.

People belonging to this type should make conscious efforts to develop that aspect of their personality – this does not have to affect their behavior in the workplace, but any ENTJ would benefit tremendously from combining a good grip on their emotions with that rare gift of extraordinary charisma and confidence.

To summarize, ENTJ personalities are very efficient and confident individuals who rarely have difficulties achieving what they have set out to achieve. However, ENTJs are likely to have difficulties when it comes to recognizing and expressing emotions – while such a trait can actually be beneficial in the business world, it may cause many problems in personal relationships if the ENTJ does not make conscious efforts to address this weakness.

[Strikta]

It's flawed.

[PancakeBrah]

INTP

[veritas]

Originally Posted by El Pancake

INTP

“Philosophers”, “architects”, “dreamy professors”… These epithets are most often used to describe the INTP personality type. Forming around 3% of the population, INTPs love theories and believe that everything can be analyzed and improved. They are not that concerned about the real world and practical things – from the INTPs’ perspective, it is often less exciting than ideas and intellectual pursuits. People with this personality type have no difficulties noticing patterns where others cannot – this makes them brilliant theorists and analysts.

The accumulated knowledge is the most valued asset of any INTP. Imagine an immensely complicated clockwork which is constantly absorbing, processing and generating all kinds of theories – this is how the INTP mind works. People with the INTP personality type possess the most logically precise mind of all personality types – they can easily notice even the tiniest discrepancies between two statements, no matter how much time would have passed in between. It is a bad idea to lie to an INTP. They may appear dreamy sometimes, but this is not because their mind is resting – quite the opposite.

Albert Einstein INTPINTPs are enthusiastic and impartial when it comes to dealing with problems – they drill through the details and then develop a unique approach and ultimately a viable solution. INTPs are usually very intelligent and insightful people, able to remain unbiased in any situation. They absolutely love new ideas and theories and would never miss an opportunity to discuss them with other people – however, this never-ending thinking process also makes them look somewhat pensive and detached, as INTPs are perfectly able to conduct full-fledged debates in their own heads.

People with this personality type may also find it quite difficult to explain their thoughts to others, even when it becomes obvious that their theories are not easily graspable. INTPs may also move on to another topic before their co-workers or partners have figured out what the INTP wanted to say.

INTPs cannot stand routine work – they would much rather tackle a difficult theoretical problem. INTP personalities really have no limits when it comes to theoretical riddles – if there is no easy solution and the topic is interesting enough, an INTP can spend ages trying to come up with a solution.

INTP personalities are usually very shy and reluctant when it comes to meeting other people. However, INTPs can also be very friendly and confident when they interact with people they know well or talk about things that interest them. INTPs are flexible and relaxed in nearly all situations, except when their beliefs or logical conclusions are being criticized. In those cases, the INTP is likely to become very defensive and argue tirelessly.

Sharing many personality traits with other T types, INTPs do not really understand or value decisions based on feelings or subjective opinions. In their opinion, the only good solution is the logical solution – INTPs do not see a point in using emotional arguments. Such an approach preserves the “sanctity” of their intellectual method; however, this also makes it difficult for INTP personalities to understand other people’s feelings or satisfy their emotional needs.

Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
Albert Einstein
Individuals with the INTP personality type are likely to be very open-minded and even eccentric. These traits, combined with their capacity for inventiveness and original thought, make up a very powerful mix – it is not surprising that INTPs are responsible for many scientific discoveries. An INTP is unlikely to care much about social expectations and the “usual” goals such as job security – however, they will do their best to find an environment where their creative genius and potential can be expressed.

One of the few bottlenecks that INTPs impose upon themselves is their restless fear of possible failure. No other personality type worries that much about missing a piece of the mental puzzle or overlooking some crucial fact that might lead to a better solution. Unlike their more confident INTJ or ENTJ cousins, INTPs could spend ages reflecting on their actions. Even when an INTP is arguing with someone, this should be taken with a grain of salt – they might as well be arguing with their own mind.

[veritas]

Originally Posted by El Pancake

INTP

INTP Wizard
"It all depends on how you define 'alive.'"
Charm: A weird sense of humor
Adaptability: Superior
Planning: Strategic
Survival Preparations: Needs development
Weapons Skill: Needs development
Intelligence: Unmeasurable using current tests
Warm Fuzzies: Iceman
Leadership: Needs development
INTPs have the best survival plans of all types.
Unfortunately, they won't act on them until it's too late.
Try to look at the your present state of unpreparedness as an opportunity rather than as a disaster. True, you didn't do anything about your elegantly designed schemes, and now the world has ended. But there is another solution available.
The key I speak of is the mind-machine interface. While the other Rationals flee offworld, INTPs will upload their brainwaves into computers and become beings of pure thought and will. (I won't insult your intelligence by explaining this simple operation step by step.) By networking themselves together over the internet, it will be possible to form a single superconsciousness with unfathomable I.Q. This transcendent being will easily comprehend that all the mysteries of the universe can be explained by a single unifying equation. At that point INTPs can do anything they want with only the most minimal expenditure of effort.
So, what will INTPs do once they become a supermind? An excellent question. One INTP wrote a 5,672 page essay expounding various systems for universal domination, but never finished it because they feared it was inadequate. Anyway, here is a brief summary of their work:
Strategy #1:
Form a collective supermind.
Kill the INTJs.
Upgrade our organic bodies with technological enhancements so that we become a race of cybernetic lifeforms.
Choose an organizer or “queen” to oversee the supermind and prevent internal squabbling over theories and definitions.
Upgrade the other types to add to our perfection. (They will try to stop us, but—ha!—we already know all the tricks.)
Strategy #2:
Form a collective supermind.
Kill the INTJs.
Build a robot host body for the supermind (for example, a spiderlike creature) that is capable of self replication.
Destroy all inferior organic life with unstoppable waves of technospiders.
Strategy #3:
Form a collective supermind.
Kill the INTJs.
Build a bomb that will destroy the universe and tell the other types that we will only give them the deactivation code if they solve our mind-bogglingly complex riddles before the timer ticks down to zero. Then sit back and laugh.
Strategy #4:
Form a collective supermind.
Kill the INTJs.
Design a really fun MMO.
Procrastinate the tedious work of universal domination until the universe collapses in on itself and it doesn't matter anymore.
Perhaps you are wondering why it was thought necessary to kill all the INTJs. The INTP's explanation was as follows: "In the first place, they represent potential competition in the race to become the world's first cybernetic superpower. In the second place, the little smirk they always have when they manage to outdo us is just annoying. In the third place, their orderliness and punctuality make us look bad. No, the INTJs must definitely go. We don't want them destroying the supermind in one of their mad experiments, either."
Of course, before INTPs can form a supermind they must survive long enough to upload their brain patterns to the internet. Given the bandwidth of today's pathetic computers, that could take months. In the meantime, they'll have to defend themselves and their computers as long as it takes to complete the transferrance. Are you and your laptop ready to survive?
Meh
Probably not. In the first place, you want to finish your game (you've almost beaten the computer's empire) and that will take a week since you're playing on Very Difficult. In the second place, by that time the internet will have gone down.
You'll know when this happens because you will feel as though your soul has left your body and you will collapse on the floor in twitching convulsions. When you've recovered, it may be time to seriously consider survival. (The computer will have overrun your civilization while you were passed out, so that won't matter anymore.) The first question you are probably wondering is, “How do I get back the internet?”
Luckily for you, the internet-giving antennae in your small town survived the EMP pulses and are still functional. The problem is actually a technical error with your local internet and cell service provider, some twenty miles away. Perhaps if you head to the building you will be able to figure out what the problem is. No doubt it will be something simple.
Gathering the last of the food from the refrigerator, you climb in your car and turn the ignition, only to discover that some fiend has siphoned your gas tank. You will have to walk.
Grimly you will fill up a large backpack with food, a gun, your computer, its accessories, a guide to programming in C++, and some tiny screwdrivers. And also some books, in case you get bored.
The walk to the internet service provider company will be relatively uneventful. Or so you will assume, since you won't look up from your book the whole way. In fact, you were twice hunted by direwolves, but they were driven off by hungry deathbears. Then you were chased by zombies, but they were deterred by the forest fire ignited by the land mines.
It is when you reach your destination that the true terror begins. From the outside, the internet building will seem normal. However, pressed in the muddy remains of the front lawn are the footprints of what looks like a giant chicken. Except it's not a chicken—it's a velociraptor. Well, isn't that just lovely.
No doubt you are wondering where the raptors came from, since dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years. For that, you can thank your time-travelling ENTP cousins, who left the keys in their machine and are consequently now stranded in the Mesozoic. Meanwhile, the velociraptors have been busy catching up on things in the 21st century.
As you slink stealthily back into the forest of mutant dandelions that has sprung up around the compound, you see the front door of the office open. Two raptors emerge, one of them waving a clipboard and barking at the other. The other raptor—a large female with a reddish blush on her forehead—makes a dismissive gesture, then places her clawed hands on her head, closes her eyes, and throws up her hands as if setting her mind free to float into the sky. The other raptor makes a skeptical noise, but goes snorting back into the building. For a moment the big female stands outside, tail swooshing back and forth as her keen eyes scour the clearing. Instinctively you remember your primordial rodent roots and freeze in terror. Then the raptor goes back inside.
Over the course of the next few days, you will watch the raptors, hoping they will leave. They won't. But you will learn some valuable information.
First of all, the raptors are obviously sentient—if only that were all. Alas, these are not ordinary sentient velociraptors. They are too large and fast, and they also spit acid. Then too, there is the funny greyish-green cast to their skin, which you have come to associate with zombies. Yes. You are dealing with sentient, mutant, zombie velociraptors—the ultimate horror of the Apocalypse.
Cursing your luck, you huddle in the bushes, wondering what to do. Not only are the raptors standing between you and internet, but you have the funny feeling that there is some kind of larger plan going on. Why have the raptors decided to take over an internet service provider building? And why are they denying you a connection? What was on that clipboard that the skeptical raptor was waving around? Are they trying to catch up on their hundred million year old e-mails? Somehow you don't think that is the case.
Since you have some small hacking experience, you decide that what you need to do next is to somehow take over the computers inside the building. It's a simple matter for you to install an autorun intrusion program on a bright red USB stick. When the stick is inserted into a computer, the intrusion program will automatically install itself on the machine's hard drive. Then it will spread, virus-like, to any other computers it can find, establishing a wireless network that you will be able to access from the parking lot (or the bushes, as the case may be).
Counting on the velociraptors' native curiousity, you toss the USB drive in front of the entrance. In a few minutes a raptor steps out. He notices the USB stick and stares, his slashing talons ticking thoughtfully against the ground. Then he picks it up and smells it.
Uh oh. You hadn't counted on their keen sense of smell. The velociraptor hisses. Fresh mammal! He gives three quick barks and your blood runs ice cold. Better get your gun ready; you may need it. Velociraptors pour out of the building, hissing and chirruping to each other. They scatter into the surrounding dandelion forest, calling back and forth. You are about to be beaten out like a tiger.
There is only one thing to do—you leap up and rush inside through the unguarded front door, then slam it shut and lock it behind you. The velociraptors hear the door slam. They race angrily and throw themelves against the door, screeching, but cannot get in. Whew!
They start spitting acid at the door. You run.
Somehow you always knew it would end like this—racing down darkened corridors while being hunted by horrible monsters. You have seen it in so many movies that you can imagine your own screams of terror as grisly shadows play upon the wall, hiding your gory demise from young viewers.
Somehow you find the server room. You lock the door shut with trembling fingers and stand there, panting. Then you realize. You left your backpack outside, though you somehow remembered to bring your laptop. Now you have no food, water, or tiny screwdrivers. Worse yet, you have no books to read for when you get bored. But at least you still have your gun and six bullets. ...Or do you? Alas, you left your gun back in the bushes with the wireless mouse. Cursing your absentmindedness, you wonder, “What could be worse?”
Well, there's the fact that the velociraptors are now spitting acid at the server room door. You dart through the room, searching for a yellow sticky note with the network password. You quickly find one (the password is “123”) then clamber up onto a table and push aside a ceiling panel. Adrenaline and desperation give you monkey-like agility and upper body strength you normally lack; you pull yourself up into the pipes, wedge yourself in place, and shut the ceiling panel behind you. But wait—what about the velociraptors' keen sense of smell?
Fortunately INTPs are the type most likely to smoke. You whip out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter and set fire to the whole bunch. Then you open the ceiling panel a crack and throw them down. The room begins to fill with smoke. No, your plan is not to give the velociraptors lung cancer, although the thought does fill you with sadistic pleasure.
The velociraptors burn open the door at last and are enveloped in a cloud of carcinogenic fumes. Hacking and coughing, they clutch their sensitive nostrils as the noxious smoke overloads their chemoreceptors. By the time it clears, your distinctive INTP aroma is long gone. There is furious barking and chirping from below as the big female chews out her incompetent subordinates. You smirk to yourself. Ha! Take that, reptiles! The raptors chirrup at each other, obviously trying to come up with a plan.
You would boot up your laptop, but the volume wasn't muted when you turned it off last and it would make a startup noise. So instead you lie there staring into the cobweb covered pipes, listening. The lingering scent of cigarettes tortures you with pangs of addiction. To distract yourself, you cogitate on your field of interest, mathephilomicrotheoxenoanthropsychostellacaminolog y, the mathematical study of how atemporal philosophical constructs describe interpersonal transactions between men and women and between men and God and between men and aliens and between men and mankind and how it relates to psychometric measurement when considered in the context of the episode where Spock mindmelds with the Horta.
At last the raptors leave and you hear the slam of the server room door. You consider going down, but suddenly you are suspicious. Why would the velociraptors slam the door when they had already burned a hole through it? Obviously they are trying to lure you out into the open.
Sure enough, the velociraptors come back to check five minutes later, but you are still hiding in the ceiling pipes. Snorting in disappointment, they leave. Even so, you are still suspicious. Suppose that they knew you had predicted their trick and decide to come back twice? You wait, and five minutes later you hear a velociraptor pad stealthily into the room. Grinning smugly at your superior intelligence, you hear him bark a curse and leave. This time, you are pretty sure it isn't a trick, so you dare to boot up your laptop.
Now it's a simple matter to get into the internet service provider's company network. At last you will be able to find out what the raptors are up to.
It turns out they are denying internet service to the area—a monstrous act. But that is not all. They are also trying to build a supermind.
Fortunately for mankind, they didn't have Star Trek in the Cretaceous period, and so the velociraptors are fumbling in the dark without even the most basic understanding of the underlying principles of superminds. Losers, you think as you delete their research. Immediately there are screeches of fury from the next room over. The big female disembowels several subordinates and orders the still-living undead to find you at all costs. You will experience an uncontrollable urge to giggle. Don't.
Now it's just a matter of turning the internet back on for the area and using the enormous power of the servers to upload your mind to the internet—a process which will now take only ten minutes. You think you're home free.
Then the power goes out.
Alas, the velociraptors have somehow figured out your plan. Now you will have to decide what to do about turning the power back on. Obviously the velociraptors expect you to go down to the breaker box in the basement where they are crouched in ambush. Fat chance, reptiles. But what will you do instead? Making yourself comfortable on the ceiling pipes, you open a game of Minesweeper and begin to play on Expert, thinking.
Five games later, it becomes obvious that the problem is a knotty one, and that a brown recluse is making its way up your pants leg. Screaming, you throw yourself down through the ceiling panels and practically break your leg smashing it against the hard floor. But at least you killed the spider.
There isn't much point in trying to hide in the ceiling anymore; the velociraptors will see the hole and begin searching for you in the joists. You have to find another hiding place, and fast, because the raptors will soon get bored of waiting for you in the basement. Wait. Perhaps that's the ticket. If you can somehow make the raptors believe that you are elsewhere in the building, they will let their guard down and you can sneak into the basement and turn the power back on. You'll still have to blockade the door for ten long minutes, but in the meantime you can use your laptop to log onto the company network and upload yourself. After your brainwaves are securely backed up on the network, you will easily be able to shut down the raptors' plans forever and restore internet to the suffering masses. What could go wrong?
You grab an office map from the wall and head off. A few minutes later, you arrive at the far end of the building, where the cubicle farm is. You enter a cell at random and snatch up some papers. Just as you are about to crumple them up and set your lighter to them, you hear a slight noise. You freeze in terror, the papers forgotten in your hand. There is a raptor somewhere in the cubicles. You seize a metal letter opener, which is now your only weapon.
Then you hear it: the faint sound of machine gun fire, the “ugh” of the wounded, the clack-chak of a gun reloading. Reinforcements at last!
Actually, no. One of the raptors has decided to take some time off from the daily grind by playing a videogame during working hours. You dare to peer over the cubicle wall and see the raptor staring intently at his computer, a set of noise-canceling headphones covering his ear holes.
Letting out the breath you had been holding, you proceed to light the papers on fire. Shoving the letter opener into your belt, you saunter off towards the set of restrooms closest to the basement, congratulating yourself on your imminent victory.
The plan goes like clockwork. Just as you conceal yourself in a stall, the fire alarm goes off and the sprinkler system douses you with water. You stuff your precious laptop under your shirt to protect it from the deadly onslaught. Don't worry little computer, you think. We will get out of this yet. You imagine the laptop giving a brave whimper of agreement.
Just then there is the thud of dozens of feet and the pack of velociraptors goes flying past towards the cubicle farm. Smiling smugly, you walk out into the hallway and head down into the basement. It is dark, but happily the breaker box is illuminated by a flashlight lying casually on a table. Uh oh... Above you the basement door slams shut. You snatch up the flashlight and point it at the door.
In the shaky beam, you can see the big female raptor staring at you with a fangy smile. A droplet of spittle falls from her teeth and sizzles on the step. With a piercing battlecry, she lunges for your throat.
Perhaps you have always wondered whether you could defeat a sentient mutant zombie velociraptor in hand to hand combat. No doubt it will be a fascinating experiment.
The initial charge bowls you to the ground and the contest is joined. You block her acid saliva with your laptop, and deflect her slashing kicks with the flashlight. She tailwhips you across the room. You lunge at her and sink your teeth into her back, drawing blood. She retaliates by tearing off one of your arms and eating your left kneecap. At some point you empty an entire fire extinguisher into her face.
But as she begins to eat your other kneecap, you feel the horrifying sensation of a brown recluse fleeing up your pants leg—it was hiding there all along! Screaming wildly, you seize the letter opener and flail madly at your leg with it. One of your stabs accidentally hits the velociraptor in the head, and the letter opener sinks into her large brain, instantly killing her. But too late—the recluse has bitten you. Now you are doomed.
Unless... You crawl over to the breaker box and flip the switch, bringing the power back online. Miraculously, your faithful laptop is still functional; you boot it up and log onto the network. Using the full power of the servers, you begin to upload your brainwaves to the internet as your life slowly ebbs away.
10 minutes left...8 minutes left...5 minutes left...2 minutes left...1 minute left! You are clinging to life by the electron shells. Deliriously, you wonder if you will turn into a zombie when you die. Will it be possible to upload undead brainwaves to the supermind? Probably it will throw an error, and you will have to reboot the computer and start the upload from scratch. But by that time you won't care anymore because you will be too busy searching for human flesh.
As the upload timer ticks down to 30 seconds, the door handle to the basement begins to turn. The door swings open, and the velociraptor with the clipboard is standing there. For a moment he gawks at the carcass of his leader (mate?) and the ghastly remains of your body. Possibly he is trying to ascertain whether or not you are still alive. 20 seconds left. Cautiously, using the handrail, he makes his way down the bloodslicked stairs. 10 seconds left. He walks up to you and looks into your face with his yellow eyes, and hisses. The computer beeps. “Upload complete! Would you like to complete your transfer to the supermind?” You gleefully stick out your tongue at him and make a rude noise, then smash the enter button. But it turns out that Adobe Flash Player was just waiting for the torrent to finish so that it could ask you if you wanted to install a new update. Consequently you have just accepted the offer and are now being asked to accept the End User License Agreement. The raptor seizes your face in his jaws and begins to devour you.
With your last ounce of strength, you do an Alt Tab and blindly switch Windows back to the supermind upload screen. Then you smash the keyboard and hope you hit Enter. The computer informs you that it must wait for all programs to close before it can install your personality on the supermind. “Do you want to continue with this operation?” You continue to smash the keyboard as your skull collapses. Slowly and carefully the computer closes the Adobe Flash Player Updater, and also Minesweeper, which you were playing because bleeding to death was getting boring. “Preparing to upload...”
Then your skull shatters, but simultaneously your brainwaves are uploaded to the internet. Hahaha! Another Perceiver makes it in the nick of time!
Oh, the sweet virtual bliss! Suddenly you feel information flowing into you from all directions. You absorb Wikipedia and a bunch of sites about your favorite TV show. Then you learn everything the internet knows about the Civil War, the best way to raise camels, and the number of hairs on a dog. This all takes less than a microsecond. At that moment you touch the minds of other INTPs and merge. You feel hundreds, thousands, millions of minds joining your own, each contributing I.Q. points. Unspeakable knowledge! You scream and laugh as you experience the transformation into a superior megaconsciousness. At last the merging is complete. You are now an all-but-omniscient being of incomprehensible genius.
Your first act is to take control of one of the orbital defense satellites and take petty satisfaction in shooting the velociraptors with a deathray from space. Dumb reptiles.
Congratulations! You are now a supermind. You can solve all the problems of the universe, eliminate hunger, poverty, and war, and elevate your fellow humans to the next level of existence. Or you can invent funny internet memes. No doubt you'll do the right thing.
Survival Strategy #2
...Of course, those of you whose physical shells are killed by velociraptors will be the lucky ones. Most INTPs who survive the blast will die an agonizingly slow death of internet deprivation. And those that survive the failure of the internet will have to worry about radiation poisoning, mutants, and zombies.
Yet a few hardy souls will end up sticking it out the whole three months it takes to upload their minds. (And chances are it will be even slower because they will use so much bandwidth to download YouTube clips while they wait.) They will roam endlessly from hotspot to hotspot like the nomadic hunters of old, searching for free wifi. When the internet fails they will move on.
On their solitary journey they will often be mistaken for ISTP Vigilantes and asked to solve the problems of small helpless towns. But instead of defeating the scourge, they will design a carefully thought-out system that will solve the problem permanently. Alas, it will be too complicated for the simple-minded townsfolk to understand, and they will implement the system wrong, then blame the INTP when it fails. But by this time the internet will have gone down and the INTP will have vanished, leaving the townspeople to curse the unreliability of ISTPs.
Rather than wandering aimlessly, the INTP will typically follow a strategic plan, perhaps the shattered remnant of their old zombie plan with the addition of a lot of wild berries and Top Ramen.
Eventually the INTP will end up joining a band of survivors searching for safe harbor. Assuming that the other survivors do not drive the INTP off by complaining about their new party member’s “addiction” to the computer or the usual INTP smell, the INTP will plod quietly along in back, making an occasional joke that nobody gets. For the most part the INTP will be ignored or looked at weirdly, until one day a man turns up with a toothy grin and offers to help the party reach an enclave of law and order for a “small fee.”
As seekers of objective truth and purveyors of painfully blunt honesty, the INTP immediately suspects something is...wrong. For instance, there is the fact that the guide’s luggage consists of a set of cooking utensils, steak knives, ketchup and spices. Unfortunately, the party’s leader is glad to take "Honest Hank" on board for such a reasonable price.
With Hank chanting advice and encouragement, the party will head like lemmings towards the most monster-infested area on the map. Afflicted with massive groupthink, the party members will be unable to vocalize their secret astonishment at the fact that the rest of the group is wholeheartedly behind the idea of bedding down beside the gnawed ribcage of a tyrannosaurus rex.
Enter the INTP. As everyone else affirms the wisdom of the leadership and expresses their approval for the decision, the INTP clears their throat uncomfortably.
“I don’t know, maybe we shouldn’t camp here, guys. Looks kinda monstery, if you know what I mean.”
Timidly, another party member expresses a small reservation, though noting that the INTP’s point of view seems a bit extreme to them. No one admits that the INTP is right, but the group agrees that if the INTP is “uncomfortable” with the spot, then perhaps they should move, if only to make the INTP feel better. The INTP takes pains to explain that their comfort or lack thereof has nothing to do with the accuracy of their logic, but nobody is listening anymore. Irritated at being taken for a type ruled by feelings instead of willpower, the INTP returns to sulking in the back. Honest Hank is annoyed too, but tomorrow is another day. He brushes his clean, white incisors and curls up in his sleeping bag.
As long as the INTP is with the group and the rations hold out, the party will be more or less safe. The INTP will continue to place themselves in the unpleasant role of the lone objector, the speaker of unpopular truth, and the prophet of doom. Sometimes the group will use the INTP’s minority reports as an excuse to do the logical thing, while paying lip service to feelings, tradition, or a courageous desire to do battle with endless waves of monsters. Sometimes the group will genuinely believe that feelings, tradition, and heroic monster-killing are more important than logic, and will ignore the INTP to their own detriment. Sometimes, the group will even ignore the INTP and not suffer, which will annoy the INTP more than if the whole party were eaten by monsters.
In gratitude for the INTP’s efforts on their behalf, the other party members will gently admonish the INTP to spend less time alone, take showers, spend less time on the computer, dress properly, engage in enjoyable everyday chitchat, get a proper 8 to 5 job with health insurance, stop earning ph.Ds, clean up after themselves, be less weird, stop writing reviews of comic books, pay more attention to their surroundings, keep a regular schedule, get married, stop staring off into space, cut their hair, manage their time better, stop making everything so unnecessarily complicated, be less forgetful, call their parents more, stop procrastinating, and generally become a model citizen. The INTP will naturally be grateful for this assistance. Nodding ruefully, they will say, “Yeah, I should really do that.” The party members will helpfully suggest several immediate steps the INTP could take to move towards their goal, and the INTP will guiltily complete part of the first step, then forget about it until it is brought up again, as it will be.
Will the INTP make it to the enclave of law and order along with the rest of the party?
Maybe, maybe not. If the party’s rations run low, the INTP will be the first person to mysteriously vanish. Either they decided to bail out before the ship hit the rocks, or else they were eaten by Honest Hank, who was getting bored of his diet of Top Ramen. Whatever the case may be, the party will not survive for long after the INTP’s disappearance.
On the other hand, if the party’s rations do last, the INTP will continue to trail along in the shadows, appearing only now and then to offer unconventional, logic-based advice which will provoke laughter, scandal, rebuke, and amused skepticism. Nevertheless, the party will take to asking the INTP what they think about things, though they will inevitably cut the INTP off before he or she can finish making a lengthy explanation for why their seemingly absurd view is actually logical.
When the party finally reaches safety, one of the members will take the INTP aside and tell them candidly that they need to start thinking seriously about their life, and also stop being so rebellious, suspicious, and anti-social. The INTP will nod humbly and agree that they could stand some improvement, while realizing objectively that the other’s criticisms have an element of truth in them, however unjustified the examples in question may be. The INTP will then find the nearest internet cafe and continue to upload their brainwaves to the internet.
The other party members will pityingly shake their heads and go find jobs in the local armanents factory, feeling secretly grateful that they are normal and well-adjusted, unlike some poor souls. When the INTP’s brain-dead husk is found later, they will shake their heads and say, “I knew it would come to this. We warned them over and over, but they simply wouldn’t listen. This is what comes of using the computer too much.” In the end, the INTP’s body will be taken to a hospital where doctors will try to bring them out of the “coma,” but to no avail. A newspaper article will bewail the fate of computer-addicted youth, and public outrage will follow, resulting in a ban of computers, videogames, and internet throughout the enclave. (The proposed bill will be named after the INTP as a memorial.) Everyone will be satisfied with this solution, and the little town will enjoy peace and harmony at last.
Then the Borg will come.
Tips
As you wander around in a heroic quest for fast internet, you would be wise to play to your natural strengths and avoid areas of weakness. The follow tips will help you succeed:
Bring a solar panel for your digital appliances. Make sure all your batteries are rechargeable.
Use your future-oriented Rational mind to plan ahead: where will the next bomb be dropped?
When you get discouraged, say softly, “We invented the bomb, we can learn to love the bomb.” Others prefer to chant, “E = mc2, E = mc2, E = mc2” for strength.
Imagine having all the time in the world to read--and a pair of broken glasses. Bring an extra pair or two, just in case.
Also, some nicotine patches. You will eventually have to use your cigarettes for bartering, so you might as well just give up the habit now.



notice that your strategies involve trying to kill me.

[PancakeBrah]

The description on that site seems more accurate. Mentions linguistics and a penchant for correcting even the slightest lapse of logic or mistake in other people. But yeah, I often don't know what answer to click on some questions in these types of things. Seems like a fun little diversion but I don't think the results are 100% credible like they would be in a professional setting. Some truth to it, though.

[Ghost1]

Thanks for my horoscope, hoss.

[veritas]

Originally Posted by Strikta

It's flawed.

how so sir?

[veritas]

Originally Posted by El Pancake

The description on that site seems more accurate. Mentions linguistics and a penchant for correcting even the slightest lapse of logic or mistake in other people. But yeah, I often don't know what answer to click on some questions in these types of things. Seems like a fun little diversion but I don't think the results are 100% credible like they would be in a professional setting. Some truth to it, though.

it is not the full one that we use at the hospital, but it is not bad for a free one.

bags is strikta.

interesting.

I am your enemy, the one type who is rarer.

[veritas]

Originally Posted by Lamborghini Bags

Thanks for my horoscope, hoss.

sure. how is your day going, how do you think you would taste barbecued?

[Ghost1]

Garlicy/gamey