AOWL Week 7: Vulgar (0-0) vs. Witty (2-2) [VULGAR WINS, 11-0.]

[Split]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum.

Verses are due SATURDAY 3/30 at 11:59 PST.
Extensions are due SUNDAY 3/31 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!!

You must vote on at least 4 other battles and post links. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.
Voting ends TUESDAY 2/2 at 11:59 PST. (Unless otherwise it may be extended another day at the most.)

You MUST check in.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league.


TOPIC: Humanity defies cruelty, because cruelty defines it.


Good luck to both participants. @Vulgar @Witty

[Vulgar]

Hey Wit, good luck.

[Witty]

Sup, same to you man.

[Vulgar]

Cruelty is no alien concept.

Was their ever life on Earth? The alien race frolicked at first
Grey, weightless bodies, inert...
Data sponges sucking up human history for all it was worth
Their research highlighted all of the worst, from nuclear war to genocide
Of course, pesticides were abhorred, & generalized as lawless cause if pressurized
These visitors from the Northern Gemini’s were universally lauded, and recognized
As the most empathetic race in the multiverse:
Their disciplines auroraboreal, not perennial
They’d stop imperial flocks with glossy mandibles, & aiming rocks from Zanzibo
Tonsils locked in harpist acid tones, sounding like a Maharashtra anecdote
Even the death of a planet was given the option of cremation or proper burial
They were simply immaterial, in peaceful existence, ancient, compelled
To preserve every nation of health at every far corner, solar system or atrium belt
and so through their info-technology and patient intel…
They studied human fate as it spelled H.A.T.E. in this latent matrix of hell
Why the destructive ace had been dealt; the reasons why civilizations would melt
Transmitting the bizarre occurrence known as the Holocaust…
The alien race crowed so loud that their tracheas swelled,
Henceforth, it was a nightmare to compare this dreadful species to their sapient selves
For these “people” outer life was misunderstood,
their most prided authors were lame in tongue - many were strange, debunked
War of the Worlds, giant squids, flying saucers and laser guns?
Farewell, humankind. Or as the Spanish tribes said, “Sionara, your day has come!”
In some novels, they’d strike the “Taurans” with blades and grunts
Exterminate entire planets in some cases, their tridents garnished with native blood
“The fruits of their labor was war, our fruits are enlightment, fauna & Gaelic plums
They can’t rewind Rwanda, nor the Third Reich, Crusades or the famine plunge”
Massacres weren’t far in between, but close in succession
Potent aggression was the negotiable weapon. Hope was the antidote for progression
Take for example the Cambodian death stints, or the Romans, the Hessians
A bunch of test tube children who’d dump dead schools into oceans of brethren
When the Inquisition was unearthed, the aliens decided to leave promptly
As they began to see through wet beady eyes what evil could be, possibly
Excommunicated library archive of the extinct: a ferocious breed
Who compulsively composed debris, and ate themselves to death so hopelessly
At war with another like termites, ants and a grove of bees; shrimp of immobile seas
While alien laws for galactic grace firmly stated: Existence is poetry.
On the spiritual coasts of peace…their screens fizzed, began to palpitate fumes
Meanwhile, back on their home planet, “Ancient Humans” was about to debut

[Witty]

gonna need an ext if it's cool.

[Vulgar]

Ext granted

[Witty]

Yo, I started writing then just hit a wall...sorry dude. Posting what I got instead of no showing. Signing out for a while though.

Looking at the world from a multi-screen in the core, I can see them explore
Tress shedding leaves, I see disease...I see each beast as they roar
I see people feast, I see evil preaching deplore
I see every beach, every shore...every lease, every store
The police on the beat, the deceased and the born
I see our beliefs being torn, I see the feeble and sore
I see everything but peace...that's one thing I don't see anymore
Sitting back to flick the channels, searching for a show
The love channel isn't working, there's church but no one goes
No wonder humanity's berserk, when hurt just overflows
Channel jumping, til the glowing panel hands me something
I think I can see someone through the static...running...

...Channel 247

Her hair dances lazily in the breeze of a hazy spring night
It's dark, but the rays she radiates from her face will bring light
She seems to fly as grace paints her wings white

[Xces]

Well.... I honestly kind've have no choice but to vote for Vulgar here.....

Vulgar - this piece is really well written though does lose grace in a few places it tends to pick back up fairly quickly and rebuild the flow that it loses pace with. So I have no strong worded things to point to you right this instant without re-reading it a few times.

Witty - Repetition can build strong cues within a verse or song, but when over used will KILL the energy of a verse. This is what happened with your repetition of "I". There needs to be separation between repeatedly saying the same word or it becomes dominant within the verse. It is okay some places where it is intended as it helps paint the picture, but I feel as though even what you have so far here, could be improved by a bit of re-wording to reduce the repetition.

V/ Vulgar

[Aesthetic]

Vulgar

I really like your vocab; Some rare ass words lol

auroraboreal
Excommunicated
palpitate
Maharashtr
perennial

Your storytelling was meaningful and actually read like a story which lacks in the forum at times, from my own hand aswell. I wish you had more abstract and deep meanings rather then summing everything up into 1 deep meaning; That was my only "real" problem with the piece.


Witty

Yo man, potential for the piece was fucking buzzin. Too be honest im dissapointed, I really hoped for atleast a short read rather an incomplete one. After Channel 247 though I was losing interest so I can see the wall thing you mentioned; Probably woulda got it if you backspaced 3 bars.

Looking forward to your return.


V/Vulgar

Shit was doper all around but Witty has a reasonable defence.

Nice fucking artwork Vulgar!

[IamBenT]

Fascinating battle.

Vulgar - Dope, the flows were nice, the vocab is interstellar lol and the concept of aliens coming back to be appalled at how we fucked up, it's been done before but i really liked your creative imagery on it, a little more development on the race itself, and the fact that you kinda left out Slavery bothered me lol but that's nitpicking. The message came in strong and you really explored the topic in a powerful and interesting way, plus the ironic ending made me laugh in a sad way. Great verse.

Quotes:

Originally Posted by Vulgar

Cruelty is no alien concept.

The alien race crowed so loud that their tracheas swelled, great image here

Henceforth, it was a nightmare to compare this dreadful species to their sapient selves
For these “people” outer life was misunderstood,
their most prided authors were lame in tongue - many were strange, debunked
War of the Worlds, giant squids, flying saucers and laser guns? so funny and dope


Meanwhile, back on their home planet, “Ancient Humans” was about to debut great end

Witty - Mad potential here, just too short to get it done this week. It almost seemed like the start of two disparate verses and I would really like to see how you were going to bridge the gap here, as it may have led to a really interesting exploration on beauty being destroyed by our penchant for cruelty, but i digress. Kind of a Watcher vibe too, from the Marvel comics lol. The flow was strong to this, as I am beginning to expect from a Witty verse, and the imagery was nice too.


Vote -Vulgar

[Red glare]

witty; in the words of the immortal vulgar; do you. you may be getting caught up into trying to fit in with the growing masses. shall not worry; for you are capable of demonstrating stellar penmanship with the best of them. your voice appears in the end; for then it is too late. don't be ashamed to back-space like a fellow voter mentioned. sometimes your energy will severely suffer if you miss your cue. in other words; when it doesn't feel right; it probably isn't.

vulgar; good to see you over here from pr. by the book; for the book would sum up the quality-quantity quotient of your writing. it resonates a renaissance. your pieces tend to veer towards the highest order of ranting at it's finest. you are a person of the people. the heart beat of commonality. verse was all over the place for me; but isn't that the point? you are the human smorgasbord.

overall; v/ vulgar

[Que]

Vulgar - Good to see you again my RF brethren. Anywayz. You my friend are an Alien ok. Your creation of odd-worldly mysticism just fascinates me. Though sometimes you break off into these tangents and begin speaking a whole different language. But then you quickly set another tone of understanding.

Vulgar -

"For these “people” outer life was misunderstood,
their most prided authors were lame in tongue - many were strange, debunked
War of the Worlds, giant squids, flying saucers and laser guns?
Farewell, humankind. Or as the Spanish tribes said, “Sionara, your day has come!”
In some novels, they’d strike the “Taurans” with blades and grunts
Exterminate entire planets in some cases, their tridents garnished with native blood
“The fruits of their labor was war, our fruits are enlightment, fauna & Gaelic plums
They can’t rewind Rwanda, nor the Third Reich, Crusades or the famine plunge”

^^This whole section was just crazy...so much imagery to soak up. You managed to stay within the bounds of the topic. Cool Shit



Witty -The way you were setting it off was way cool. I was diggin it. Wished it could have been a complete piece cuz the story line and the imagery was vibrant. I do give you this tho...at least you didn't NS and more than that, you gave people a glimpse into what could be an terrific drop.

With that being said

V-Vulgar

[veritas]

got to vote for vulgar....no choice...damn witty, I respect you for not no showing, but you and I both know it was an unfinished product compared to lines such as these:


They’d stop imperial flocks with glossy mandibles, & aiming rocks from Zanzibo
Tonsils locked in harpist acid tones, sounding like a Maharashtra anecdote
Even the death of a planet was given the option of cremation or proper burial
They were simply immaterial, in peaceful existence, ancient, compelled
To preserve every nation of health at every far corner, solar system or atrium belt
and so through their info-technology and patient intel…
They studied human fate as it spelled H.A.T.E. in this latent matrix of hell
Why the destructive ace had been dealt; the reasons why civilizations would melt
Transmitting the bizarre occurrence known as the Holocaust…
The alien race crowed so loud that their tracheas swelled,
Henceforth, it was a nightmare to compare this dreadful species to their sapient selves

dope! that flow was impeccable, the near rhymes were literally amazing. I look forward to a battle with you, i might actually try for a change lol!

mvgt to vulgar

[Split]

WOW.

Vulgar's fucking here. After his moonlit sabbatical to the inner sanctum of Mexaltitlan's most revered Punjabi pit. Or some shit.

Vulgar. VOTW for me. Seamless transitions. Awesome story. Will edit quotes in later. Tore this one to shreds my feathered friend, then tarred it, slipped it in a Tardis and pretended Dr. who is watchable televison for a second.

Witty. Can't really say much about potential. It could've been an ill matchup.

V/vulgar

[Adonis]

Vote Vulgar

Witty - Decent start, i loved... "It's dark, but the rays she radiates from her face will bring light"...I see you rhyming a plenty, just be cautious as to choosing the correct word. This was a good start to a verse, nothing more....

Vulgar - "These visitors from the Northern Gemini’s were universally lauded, and recognized...As the most empathetic race in the multiverse:" Creamed my panties, you are entering delicate world that is most true so far."They were simply immaterial, in peaceful existence, ancient, compelled...To preserve every nation of health at every far corner, solar system or atrium belt"...More amazing writing here..."The alien race crowed so loud that their tracheas swelled,...Henceforth, it was a nightmare to compare this dreadful species to their sapient selves" I fear you are beginning to match rhyme with meaning. Not a good thing for the rest of us, I vote Witty in a beneficial "cock-block" fashion. "Sayonara" is not Latin."Native blood/ Blades and Grunts" Who are you??? I love the fact that you are actually "rhyming first", then meanings second. Although that gives you a disservice because you are melding them together and excreting a rather fluid, yet meaningful matter of words. A story of earth and its parasites, who have grown to create resentment from the creators..."a bug eyed" alien kind who know true peaceful knowledge. Exterminate as the cockroach vs. a boot, or however you put it, ingenious as usual, only I see a more developed rhyme pattern which I both fear and so badly want from you. Gold, thus far front runner for VOTW compared to my other 6-8 verses read.

[Cereal_Killa]

Vulgar:
Man I missed you :(

“Was their ever life on Earth?”

What an opening, such a question that holds such power.. You’re approach to me is original, completely stylish and amazing.. No one covers such a stellar delivery of lunacy quit like you.. your depiction of the universe is cover with a true unlimited amount of creativity.. and so you should :) Your stories are always so bright yet crazy, fluent yet jarring and most importantly with the correct word choice and arrangement..

Transmitting the bizarre occurrence known as the Holocaust…
The alien race crowed so loud that their tracheas swelled,

OMG.. Insane, that shit floored me..
Brilliant..

Wit:
Damn you mother fucker lol your shit was hot.. so hot I wanted to slap you in the face for making me salivate and then not delivering me my feast.. This had outstanding amount of potential and you no doubt are a massive force to be reckoned with.. Stay up mate

Vote = vulgar

This would have be a truly gruesome bout.. Nice none the less guys..

[zygote]

Vulgar, my vote may be biased due to an obsession with aliens. I don't like to give out praise and praise without giving some comment but really felt like your writing was great with no error. You were giving substance to the alien race, providing allusion to their motivations, views on humanity and their history. Also, combining these elements, while using expressive and extensive vocabulary/references. E.g., the Zanzibo -anecdote lines.

Witty, that was good thought for connecting to the topic, too often the television and media outlets provide an outpouring of cruelty to consumers. The I see repetition was good because the character was watching the television, although you could have strengthened this by perhaps having it repeated only every so often and not every line. Also enjoyed theme of hope at the end, felt like that was the "humanity defies cruelty" part of the topic, and focusing the human aspect is great when contrasting to the almost constant assembly line output of cruelty through the television. Overall voted for Vulgar.

[King Ra.]

Damn you Witty for not coming through in this match. This would have definitely been one of the premiere match ups this week. You could have definitely worked with that little you were able to put together. Lay off the drugs, son. I hope that you come back next week with some fire. Vulgar, first off, welcome to the league. I'm honestly shocked that you decided to join. Something must have sparked a flame within. Any case, it's great to see you competing. Man, what can I say. You are always able to put together dope pieces no matter the topic given. I definitely liked the alien-human perception you put together. You not only captured the thoughts of aliens toward their human counterparts, but the strong use of vocabulary to give us very detailed perspectives filled with knowledge, some history.... it all meshed together very well. You're always flawless mechanically & one of the few who can use long lines fluidly, never sacrificing the flow. Great job.

MVGT: Vulgar.

[King Ra.]

VULGAR WINS, 11-0.