"Origin of Language"

Lars · 01-30-2014, 11:19 AM

"Origin of Language"

Let’s start with the day our protagonists met:
For arguments sake, we’ll call ‘em ‘Alpha’ and ‘Bet’.
Two Neanderthal men at the evolutionary cusp
form a hunter-gatherer friendship in pursuit of the hunt.
Food is a must, so in tandem they work
with a mutual trust in an absence of words.
Hands are their first tool, signals made with the fingers,
so an understanding’s asserted to be relayed at a distance.
With a waving of digits and signed interaction
a basic depiction of what’s required is established.
It’s vital for catching prey – their ordinate nature
a survivalist tactic to warn them of danger.
Their calls and behaviour grow ever-expressive
and forge their relationships strength in dependence.
It lends to expression, though their conveyance is blunt,
a succession of gestured sounds made with their tongues.
Replacing the grunts and guttural roars
they are accustomed to trusting before.
Adjusting accordingly, they share with their group
the functioning orders of various tools.
The pair of them use this form for announcing
the areas new food sources are found in.
As more is recounted and usage increases
it also has grounding in grooming and teaching.
Due to this reason adaptation excels
in the communicative region they’re creating themselves.
These basic, but central, components combining
as each stage is essential for homogenising.
The protocol rises, trust’s further cemented
in a social environment through the emergence of friendship.
Working together authenticated the bond
as they learn from endeavours, which makes it so strong.
As communication prolongs, so the larynx does in the throats,
and they place an importance on trusting their own.
The hunter’s are vocal in where and when to attack,
as one studies for opening’s they’re aware their enemies have.
The hair descending his back stood as he heard a deafening bellow
that dared to tremble the canopies with its prevalent echo.
It was meant to let ‘Bet’ know of a new situation -
a threat to the threshold the two were engaged in.
‘Bet’ pursued it to aid him, lengthened his stride,
with no clue what awaited and his chest filled with pride.
He swept at the vines that appeared in his path
expecting to find a clearing at last.
When the searing impact of a blade struck in his chest
hand-engineered from a flat stone, just like the hunter possessed.
The blood unrelenting, a sign of abatement,
he looked up to question and eye his assailant.
‘Bet’s life had been taken by his ally and his friend
with the first lie in creation, ‘Alpha’ brought his life to an end.
The guy he depended on most had attacked
to try and affect dominance over their pack.
The stone still cold in his hand, he waited in watch,
content with knowing the fact -
the ‘Alpha’ male had resumed his place at the top...

Thanks to words, we have been able to rise above the brutes; and thanks to words, we have often sunk to the level of the demons. -Aldous Huxley

Xces · 01-31-2014, 06:47 PM

I really love this piece, it flows smoothly, there are a few small stutters off of the path but it regains pacing back very quickly and the change up at the end really rounds it off well, I have no real "Constructive" criticism this was well written. Peace.

-X

Frank · 01-31-2014, 07:10 PM

Ay brute

Read Aqua Velva to see how a young chap bloke young blood does it

Exis · 02-01-2014, 08:29 AM

I expected this to be short so Ima come back thru shortly and edit this with a few quotables...I read it tho, and yeah shits nice with it.Your flow/multies are seriously sick...content be tight man, I'll break things south better when I return.

Aight so as I was sayin'...before alcohol took me out of reality and threw me into a vomitin' fit.

"Origin of Language"

Food is a must, so in tandem they work
with a mutual trust in an absence of words.
Hands are their first tool, signals made with the fingers,
so an understanding’s asserted to be relayed at a distance.
With a waving of digits and signed interaction
a basic depiction of what’s required is established.

^^That's fuckin' dope.

Their calls and behaviour grow ever-expressive
and forge their relationships strength in dependence.
It lends to expression, though their conveyance is blunt,
a succession of gestured sounds made with their tongues.

^^Chea.

The pair of them use this form for announcing
the areas new food sources are found in.
As more is recounted and usage increases
it also has grounding in grooming and teaching.
Due to this reason adaptation excels
in the communicative region they’re creating themselves.
These basic, but central, components combining
as each stage is essential for homogenising.
The protocol rises, trust’s further cemented
in a social environment through the emergence of friendship.
Working together authenticated the bond
as they learn from endeavours, which makes it so strong.

^^Great section.

He swept at the vines that appeared in his path
expecting to find a clearing at last.
When the searing impact of a blade struck in his chest
hand-engineered from a flat stone, just like the hunter possessed.
The blood unrelenting, a sign of abatement,
he looked up to question and eye his assailant.

^^Nice bro.

Closer was solid also...just a really good read Lars, loved the imagery you laced this with, liked how you didn't drift at all and kept shit so fluent in doin' so...great piece.

Stay upright.

Smooth · 02-01-2014, 09:19 AM

Two Neanderthal men at the evolutionary cusp
form a hunter-gatherer friendship in pursuit of the hunt.
Food is a must, so in tandem they work
with a mutual trust in an absence of words.

what a neat start - already digging this topic

It’s vital for catching prey – their ordinate nature
a survivalist tactic to warn them of danger.
Their calls and behaviour grow ever-expressive
and forge their relationships strength in dependence.
It lends to expression, though their conveyance is blunt,
a succession of gestured sounds made with their tongues.
Replacing the grunts and guttural roars
they are accustomed to trusting before.
Adjusting accordingly, they share with their group
the functioning orders of various tools.

ahahah whaat? crazy shit right here bro

It was meant to let ‘Bet’ know of a new situation -
a threat to the threshold the two were engaged in.
‘Bet’ pursued it to aid him, lengthened his stride,
with no clue what awaited and his chest filled with pride.
He swept at the vines that appeared in his path
expecting to find a clearing at last.
When the searing impact of a blade struck in his chest
hand-engineered from a flat stone, just like the hunter possessed.
The blood unrelenting, a sign of abatement,

Very descriptive man, i'm glad you went there because this part strengthens the piece immensely.. brings it to another level. Now its a story we can see and hear. Awesome.

The guy he depended on most had attacked
to try and affect dominance over their pack.
The stone still cold in his hand, he waited in watch,
content with knowing the fact -
the ‘Alpha’ male had resumed his place at the top...

Real nice way to end it, with a slick rhyme scheme.

overall this piece is NASTY man.. great topic, loved this

Lars · 02-07-2014, 11:21 AM

Much respect, ladies!

Lars · 02-15-2014, 04:12 PM

Could I get a couple more?

Frank · 02-15-2014, 04:18 PM

Young chap, hell of a verse vs vulgar young boogar, if i dont says so myself tally whacker, bloody good job squirt, young lad you've shaped up to be a kind young fellow, now run along, represent as the wankers say it

D12world - oh jolly good fellow

Lars · 02-15-2014, 04:25 PM

lmao I talk exactly like that, its uncanny

Brenn · 02-17-2014, 03:49 AM

this was deep for an OM piece if had a poetry feel to it yet the flow to the whole thing was very nice... i felt like this was something a poetic history teacher might say.... overall this was a dope drop for what it was and it showed your vocabulary and story telling abilities.

Dove Dozer · 02-19-2014, 05:19 PM

Dope piece here lars.

zygote · 02-21-2014, 11:48 AM

Remember voting on this, you were in a contest against the user Certain. The story with the 2 characters at the beginning and the end wasn't really the selling point for me, it was more the physiological descriptive stuff and the evolutionary social focus parts in the middle that were really interesting and enjoyable. Also, the rhyming was excellent, liked the technical-ish words that you rhymed, and some introduction to new words like 'conveyance,' if one small criticism maybe this is incorrect but homogenizing may not be pronounced according to your multiple rhyme, I think it is more like homod-genizing.

Mc Hype · 03-02-2014, 09:41 PM

"Food is a must, so in tandem they work
with a mutual trust in an absence of words.
Hands are their first tool, signals made with the fingers,
so an understanding’s asserted to be relayed at a distance.
With a waving of digits and signed interaction
a basic depiction of what’s required is established."

Wow man the whole piece was a great read ^ that was my favorite part though...
Loved how you wording and how descriptive you got was great man. Overall well written I see no flaws in this piece.

Exoduzt · 03-03-2014, 10:48 AM

Damn very well written. I was feeling this from top to bottom. Very descriptive writing and you maintained a steady flow throughout.

"Bet’ pursued it to aid him, lengthened his stride,
with no clue what awaited and his chest filled with pride.
He swept at the vines that appeared in his path
expecting to find a clearing at last.
When the searing impact of a blade struck in his chest
hand-engineered from a flat stone, just like the hunter possessed."---loved this part rite here

great drop

Saracen · 03-05-2014, 12:20 PM

Fuck that was nice

03-05-2014, 03:41 PM

@Lars

This piece was fucking dope, tbh. I mean the flow and choice of words provided such vast imagery, it's awesome. Nice smooth read as well. Keep writing dude, 2nd piece I've actually read from you and enjoyed, man. I think the other piece was in that Tourney. Keep writing dude.

01-30-2014, 11:19 AM	#1
Lars PROVEN BITER Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Wolverhampton Posts: 1,588 Battle Record: 5-0 Champed - The Winter Topical Rep Power: 1809298	"Origin of Language" "Origin of Language" Let’s start with the day our protagonists met: For arguments sake, we’ll call ‘em ‘Alpha’ and ‘Bet’. Two Neanderthal men at the evolutionary cusp form a hunter-gatherer friendship in pursuit of the hunt. Food is a must, so in tandem they work with a mutual trust in an absence of words. Hands are their first tool, signals made with the fingers, so an understanding’s asserted to be relayed at a distance. With a waving of digits and signed interaction a basic depiction of what’s required is established. It’s vital for catching prey – their ordinate nature a survivalist tactic to warn them of danger. Their calls and behaviour grow ever-expressive and forge their relationships strength in dependence. It lends to expression, though their conveyance is blunt, a succession of gestured sounds made with their tongues. Replacing the grunts and guttural roars they are accustomed to trusting before. Adjusting accordingly, they share with their group the functioning orders of various tools. The pair of them use this form for announcing the areas new food sources are found in. As more is recounted and usage increases it also has grounding in grooming and teaching. Due to this reason adaptation excels in the communicative region they’re creating themselves. These basic, but central, components combining as each stage is essential for homogenising. The protocol rises, trust’s further cemented in a social environment through the emergence of friendship. Working together authenticated the bond as they learn from endeavours, which makes it so strong. As communication prolongs, so the larynx does in the throats, and they place an importance on trusting their own. The hunter’s are vocal in where and when to attack, as one studies for opening’s they’re aware their enemies have. The hair descending his back stood as he heard a deafening bellow that dared to tremble the canopies with its prevalent echo. It was meant to let ‘Bet’ know of a new situation - a threat to the threshold the two were engaged in. ‘Bet’ pursued it to aid him, lengthened his stride, with no clue what awaited and his chest filled with pride. He swept at the vines that appeared in his path expecting to find a clearing at last. When the searing impact of a blade struck in his chest hand-engineered from a flat stone, just like the hunter possessed. The blood unrelenting, a sign of abatement, he looked up to question and eye his assailant. ‘Bet’s life had been taken by his ally and his friend with the first lie in creation, ‘Alpha’ brought his life to an end. The guy he depended on most had attacked to try and affect dominance over their pack. The stone still cold in his hand, he waited in watch, content with knowing the fact - the ‘Alpha’ male had resumed his place at the top... Thanks to words, we have been able to rise above the brutes; and thanks to words, we have often sunk to the level of the demons. -Aldous Huxley __________________ PROVEN BITER

01-31-2014, 06:47 PM	#2
Xces Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 66 Battle Record: 2-0 Rep Power: 38	I really love this piece, it flows smoothly, there are a few small stutters off of the path but it regains pacing back very quickly and the change up at the end really rounds it off well, I have no real "Constructive" criticism this was well written. Peace. -X __________________ "A culture is only as great as its dreams, and its dreams are dreamed by artists." -L. Ron Hubbard

01-31-2014, 07:10 PM	#3
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853347	Ay brute Read Aqua Velva to see how a young chap bloke young blood does it __________________ *VETWORK*

02-01-2014, 08:29 AM	#4
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	I expected this to be short so Ima come back thru shortly and edit this with a few quotables...I read it tho, and yeah shits nice with it.Your flow/multies are seriously sick...content be tight man, I'll break things south better when I return. Aight so as I was sayin'...before alcohol took me out of reality and threw me into a vomitin' fit. "Origin of Language" Food is a must, so in tandem they work with a mutual trust in an absence of words. Hands are their first tool, signals made with the fingers, so an understanding’s asserted to be relayed at a distance. With a waving of digits and signed interaction a basic depiction of what’s required is established. ^^That's fuckin' dope. Their calls and behaviour grow ever-expressive and forge their relationships strength in dependence. It lends to expression, though their conveyance is blunt, a succession of gestured sounds made with their tongues. ^^Chea. The pair of them use this form for announcing the areas new food sources are found in. As more is recounted and usage increases it also has grounding in grooming and teaching. Due to this reason adaptation excels in the communicative region they’re creating themselves. These basic, but central, components combining as each stage is essential for homogenising. The protocol rises, trust’s further cemented in a social environment through the emergence of friendship. Working together authenticated the bond as they learn from endeavours, which makes it so strong. ^^Great section. He swept at the vines that appeared in his path expecting to find a clearing at last. When the searing impact of a blade struck in his chest hand-engineered from a flat stone, just like the hunter possessed. The blood unrelenting, a sign of abatement, he looked up to question and eye his assailant. ^^Nice bro. Closer was solid also...just a really good read Lars, loved the imagery you laced this with, liked how you didn't drift at all and kept shit so fluent in doin' so...great piece. Stay upright. Last edited by Exis; 02-01-2014 at 08:57 AM.

02-01-2014, 09:19 AM	#5
Smooth Member Join Date: Jan 2014 Posts: 32 Rep Power: 0	Two Neanderthal men at the evolutionary cusp form a hunter-gatherer friendship in pursuit of the hunt. Food is a must, so in tandem they work with a mutual trust in an absence of words. what a neat start - already digging this topic It’s vital for catching prey – their ordinate nature a survivalist tactic to warn them of danger. Their calls and behaviour grow ever-expressive and forge their relationships strength in dependence. It lends to expression, though their conveyance is blunt, a succession of gestured sounds made with their tongues. Replacing the grunts and guttural roars they are accustomed to trusting before. Adjusting accordingly, they share with their group the functioning orders of various tools. ahahah whaat? crazy shit right here bro It was meant to let ‘Bet’ know of a new situation - a threat to the threshold the two were engaged in. ‘Bet’ pursued it to aid him, lengthened his stride, with no clue what awaited and his chest filled with pride. He swept at the vines that appeared in his path expecting to find a clearing at last. When the searing impact of a blade struck in his chest hand-engineered from a flat stone, just like the hunter possessed. The blood unrelenting, a sign of abatement, Very descriptive man, i'm glad you went there because this part strengthens the piece immensely.. brings it to another level. Now its a story we can see and hear. Awesome. The guy he depended on most had attacked to try and affect dominance over their pack. The stone still cold in his hand, he waited in watch, content with knowing the fact - the ‘Alpha’ male had resumed his place at the top... Real nice way to end it, with a slick rhyme scheme. overall this piece is NASTY man.. great topic, loved this __________________

02-07-2014, 11:21 AM	#6
Lars PROVEN BITER Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Wolverhampton Posts: 1,588 Battle Record: 5-0 Champed - The Winter Topical Rep Power: 1809298	Much respect, ladies! __________________ PROVEN BITER

02-15-2014, 04:12 PM	#7
Lars PROVEN BITER Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Wolverhampton Posts: 1,588 Battle Record: 5-0 Champed - The Winter Topical Rep Power: 1809298	Could I get a couple more? __________________ PROVEN BITER

02-15-2014, 04:18 PM	#8
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853347	Young chap, hell of a verse vs vulgar young boogar, if i dont says so myself tally whacker, bloody good job squirt, young lad you've shaped up to be a kind young fellow, now run along, represent as the wankers say it D12world - oh jolly good fellow __________________ *VETWORK*

02-15-2014, 04:25 PM	#9
Lars PROVEN BITER Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Wolverhampton Posts: 1,588 Battle Record: 5-0 Champed - The Winter Topical Rep Power: 1809298	lmao I talk exactly like that, its uncanny __________________ PROVEN BITER

02-17-2014, 03:49 AM	#10
Brenn Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2014 Posts: 7 Rep Power: 0	this was deep for an OM piece if had a poetry feel to it yet the flow to the whole thing was very nice... i felt like this was something a poetic history teacher might say.... overall this was a dope drop for what it was and it showed your vocabulary and story telling abilities.

02-19-2014, 05:19 PM	#11
Dove Dozer loose leaf bruce lee Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,077 Battle Record: 7-6 Rep Power: 1853216	Dope piece here lars. __________________

02-21-2014, 11:48 AM	#12
zygote Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 501 Battle Record: 33-12 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Art of Writing League (3x) Rep Power: 737828	Remember voting on this, you were in a contest against the user Certain. The story with the 2 characters at the beginning and the end wasn't really the selling point for me, it was more the physiological descriptive stuff and the evolutionary social focus parts in the middle that were really interesting and enjoyable. Also, the rhyming was excellent, liked the technical-ish words that you rhymed, and some introduction to new words like 'conveyance,' if one small criticism maybe this is incorrect but homogenizing may not be pronounced according to your multiple rhyme, I think it is more like homod-genizing. Last edited by zygote; 02-21-2014 at 11:52 AM.

03-02-2014, 09:41 PM	#13
Mc Hype Junior Member Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 27 Rep Power: 37	"Food is a must, so in tandem they work with a mutual trust in an absence of words. Hands are their first tool, signals made with the fingers, so an understanding’s asserted to be relayed at a distance. With a waving of digits and signed interaction a basic depiction of what’s required is established." Wow man the whole piece was a great read ^ that was my favorite part though... Loved how you wording and how descriptive you got was great man. Overall well written I see no flaws in this piece.

03-03-2014, 10:48 AM	#14
Exoduzt Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 39 Battle Record: 0-2 Rep Power: 38	Damn very well written. I was feeling this from top to bottom. Very descriptive writing and you maintained a steady flow throughout. "Bet’ pursued it to aid him, lengthened his stride, with no clue what awaited and his chest filled with pride. He swept at the vines that appeared in his path expecting to find a clearing at last. When the searing impact of a blade struck in his chest hand-engineered from a flat stone, just like the hunter possessed."---loved this part rite here great drop __________________

03-05-2014, 12:20 PM	#15
Saracen Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 6 Rep Power: 38	Fuck that was nice

03-05-2014, 03:41 PM	#16
Sicc Guest Posts: n/a	@Lars This piece was fucking dope, tbh. I mean the flow and choice of words provided such vast imagery, it's awesome. Nice smooth read as well. Keep writing dude, 2nd piece I've actually read from you and enjoyed, man. I think the other piece was in that Tourney. Keep writing dude.