AOWL Week 6: IAmBent (1-1) VS. ZeeDee (2-0) [IAMBENT WINS, 8-0.]

[Frank]

16 lines minimum, 48 lines maximum.

Verses are due SATURDAY 3/23 at 11:59 PST.

Extensions are due SUNDAY 3/24 at 11:59 PST. NO LATER!!!

You MUST check in.

You must vote on at least 4 other battles. For every absent link, you will be deducted ONE vote next week.

If you no-show, you will be removed from next week and have to sign back into the league

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TOPIC: ''The Relic'' (selected by Adonis)

Good luck to both participants. @IamBenT @ZeeDee

[ZeeDee]

ok... the relic it is... a person can be a relic... hhmmm... that gives me an idea...

[King Ra.]

@ZeeDee you owe 3 votes extra this week. Any missing votes this week will count as a deduction towards the final tally of this match.

IAmBenT is clear.

[ZeeDee]

i voted on 3 matches... i don't do extra voting... especially for a no show.... and the voting times aren't posted in the matches.. i looked for it. so that's not my fault... i tried to vote on my 4th while u were closing matches...

[IamBenT]

checcing in

votes:

http://artofbattling.com/forum/showt...OPEN-FOR-VOTES!

http://artofbattling.com/forum/showt...OPEN-FOR-VOTES!

http://artofbattling.com/showthread....OPEN-FOR-VOTES

http://artofbattling.com/showthread....OPEN-FOR-VOTES

[King Ra.]

@ZeeDee actually, from what I saw last week, you only voted for one match. Rules state you must vote on 4 matches. So this week you owe 3 extra. Otherwise, it counts as a deduction for each vote missing. Should have voted on time.

[ZeeDee]

i voted on 2.. and u closed one as i was voting and there is no voting due date.. which is the main point of what i'm saying.. i still don't know when votes are due and i've seen that change weekly... but whatev... im not votin on extra matches...

and i'm ready when u r Mr Bent

[ZeeDee]

Topic: "The Relic”

The Son of Julius Cesar and Cleopatra – The Religious Relic

Some shape their minds from ancient times with religion and relics
Their history tells myths
of false facts that founding Christians embellished
Using this with Jewish tax systems made capitalism perfected
And this gives them erections for the raping of every indigenous section

Material wealth was in Africa and Asia, so Europe began evil details
When the world decided gold and diamonds had worth;
giving a meaning for Hell
Europeans impaled religions backed by money and rules
Then expanded with Judaism for funding their tools by governing dues
Jews established the banks, which created a higher balance of ranks
Soon after that came Christians and Muslims leaving Africa drained
Since Jews are passive in nature,
their nomenclature wasn’t attacking for acres
They collected and taxed them for favors
and this lead to more radical saviors
Romans sided with Jesus and their so the called “God,”
Cesar died for these reasons
After having a basturd child with Cleopatra while
they claimed Egypt divine from impeaches
Historically, this happened around 30 BC or so
But before the genesis flood, humans lived to be 300 years old
The basturd child, “Son of a God,” was thought to be seeking the throne
And he ruled Egypt as Ptolemy Cesar;
an engineer who taught peace in his home
These teachings are known as Christianity; just basic civilities that we hold
For all people and sowed
into humanity as natural rights to live free; uncontrolled
So Jesus was no mystical force,
what he did was much more than his father could hide
So magically he’s made a martyr refined,
who turned water to wine
And his legacy’s used
to embellish the rules of his father’s combined
With the same old Jewish principals and new twists that authors designed
Evil was spread, beating some dead with no peace as they read….
Divine orders to supply borders to govern financial regions for bread
Asia wouldn’t be so misled and devised a counter force to be homage
With women in servitude
and mirrored the work of Jews within a course called Islamic
In proving this point, both Christians and Muslims follow Masonic codes
Which were based on the roles of astronomy; infusing faces from those
Saturn was the favorite they chose and that’s how Satan arose
Which is why, the rings we exchange and give toast
to marriage are in this phase; made of gold
Masonic and Satanic have the same basic flow and created the rest
Which is why even God’s evil if you’ve evaluated the text
Basing on this; God is Satan and Satan’s a planet with rings
Not a family scheme to control every man and his dreams
And planning this seems to be the most wicked scam I can think
Which makes it foolish in why some do this when we can amicably think
I didn’t write this to debate humanity’s flaws or to brandish a cause
But that might happen naturally when understanding it all
I welcome you to examine my thoughts
and compare them to what some parents have taught
If this makes you abandon a cause,
I’m sorry, but there’s even collateral damage in law
If you think I’m blasphemous for passing this expansion to yall
That can be resolved and I’ll just plea the insanity clause

If you don’t agree, that’s cool, but understand the skills that are lead
In dropping these flows with the topic invoked to reveal what I’ve said


48 lines… the breakdowns are for flow… they’re not complete lines. It’s just a formatting choice..... and since he due date is Saturday now.. i'm no doing anymore ext... yall are good wirters and good writers don't wait til the last second to write...

[IamBenT]

"Behold the Lamb...", spoke the holy hand, fingers stretched out
Beneath the stony glance of the lonely man, his wet mouth
Inches from the mutton, when in a sudden, came a-tappin
Upon the door - it was his whore.. but something happened...

"Quick! Custodian, if my favors you would savor, do not waver,
Hurry, labor to the men whose rattled sabers, battle rapiers,
Swing to gut me, for thy neighbors falsely claim I am a thief
Scurry, please- your holy speech should bless me with relief"

And as he streaked, into the night, mutton grease in his right,
She easily spied St. John's Arm, outreaching the Light,
Which she heaved in delight, to redeem her silvery prize
From a merchant with sin in his heart and deceit in his eyes...

The initiate asks...
"If none of the Saints surpassed John the Baptist
Where are the miracles he should have practiced?

"Sheriff, this indeed is the women who has bothered me
Arrest this trash, for thus trafficking in her harlotry!"
And with that, they dragged the wicked vixen in a stupor,
Betrayed, dismayed he used her, just to claim his filthy lucre...

He swaths John's Arm in the violet robes of Jesus
Then gone!, Far off, in a silent home he ceases
His sojourns, and in a stone urn, the Relic rests,
Pressed into the roof's legs, when blessings manifest...

After a decade's test, the merchant's wealth blooms
Jealous respect grooms this new prince whose health croons
The tunes of God's shine, assumed he's God's kind,
Imbued with all signs of truth from God's mind...

The master replies...
God doesn't rely on miracles, but wisdom,
Needs no assistance, its established in His system

Lost in thought, they haunt his shop with reports of flames
Such a shock when a shrug's his response to the scorching blaze
"What a calm this man has as the city burns to ash...!
We sift in filth and trash...the Merchant's palace has no scratch.."

Envy burgeons as a heavy burden on the wealthy merchant
His enemies' empty purses steady urging stealthy searches
He's heard of a certain hermitess, who's under duress
"She'll safeguard the Arm, while I suffer the rest"

He pledged her a treasure, went and fetched her a hefty measure
This pressure to sever with the relic met her with deadly pleasure
With her door as a shield, the floor as her field, The ARM!
At last, for her vengeance, she bore it to wield...

And before he could feel,... any respite*, at his desperate try
To hide the pride of John that strived to find the Light of Precious Christ
He was arrested.. "WHY?!" They had divined what he was hiding
From the biting lips of the witch in whom he was confiding...

...but, the spinster!? he evinced his faith and she betrayed him quick!
That's correct, for the wicked pay, and must be shamed for it...
See, as years passed, her tears gashed a face left grieved
In defeat...
... ahhh... the self-same HARLOT he deceived!

Fin

*the word is pronounced "reh-spit"

[zygote]

ZeeDee when going for a non-fiction topical writing it feels as if you needed be more focused to make it work. Reading it and found myself wavering because the focus of the subject matter was moving around too much. Perhaps you tried to take on too much within the line limit, from the rise of Roman Empire to the rise of Masonic order, it seemed too ambitious. Best section was when you were directly focusing on describing a narrow series of events, such as "Ptolemy Caesar" line to the "authors designed" line. It was impressive and personally always enjoy these non-fiction approaches.

IambenT, a great part was the change of writing in the speaking quotations the whole "do not waver, Hurry, labor to the men whose rattled sabers, battle rapiers," section gave a rich mental image of a crusader knight. Only criticism is the word "Sheriff" seems inconsistent with the time setting, because Sheriff seems more suited to Western Americas era. But that is just a very minor criticism. Voted for IambenT.

[Cereal_Killa]

zee:
This was dope.. I love the ideas you worked with in this verse, piecing together events outside of the box to make an extremely interesting story.. See i believe there is no single or definite answer for anything; even Lewis Carroll's nonsensical riddle has more than one answer.. To me things are made/done for a combination of reasons and the beauty of this piece is,
though your personal take on religion, from its birth to its existence was the good ol' common (power and greed) the story you told to back this up was magnificent..
You pieced together, slot by slot events that clearly show your point - that "in god we trust" really is worth what its printed on.. so if you don't mind knowing every time you spend it, it was built on the blood of others.. You should have a grand time keeping this shin'dig called capitalism alive :)

I think flow was on point in this opening stanza but started drifting.. I mean its tough you did have a lot to say..
Vocab strong and point of view, writers voice and impact was fucken A grade..
Your transitions where the main flaw, and not for all of it just by half way.. It was jumping from thought to thought towards the end like you where dot pointing me a presentation.. lol
But like i said as a reader you clearly get the message, it just turns into a bumpy ride halfway.. Ultra cool verse non the less bloke..


Bent-holio:
Umm god daem what an absolute fucken gem of a title.. Im just saying.. Now i got that out of the way what a brilliant and colourful tale.. I mean shit dude despite your vibrant use of the old English language in a modern format, you flowed the tits of this bull so to speak.. Hit for hit - word for word as a reader i was overwhelming trapped inside your environment and the events that took place.. the rhythmic pace and development of the story progressed at a solid level.. The structure was hot.. Originality on story hot, with the underlined "eye for eye" with a holy arm as the connection/relic..
Man you crazy..

vote = iambent

Wow straight up this was an amazing battle - like im just throwing it out there, writers like both of you are what will help develop this league into something ungodly.. yet ohh so beautiful :)

Tight job peeps..

[Zen]

I was gonna vote tomorrow but after reading this shit I have to vote now. Mad props to both of you fellas forreal.
ZeeDee: Loved the take on the topic. Hands down extremely creative take on the topic, but as zygote said it seemed as if the topic moved around allot and it was hard to stay focused on one subject. But nonetheless you displayed great mechanics here. Top notch writing and although the topic moved around a little bit too much for my taste, I enjoyed this really.
IAmBent: I'm not sure I've read a piece by you in the league yet but you're fucking talented man. Props. You made this piece truly come alive and once I started reading it, I was literally unable to stop. I can honestly say only a few pieces in the league this year is on par with this piece imo. I literally have nothing negative to say about this. Great story, excellent mechanics displayed throughout and virtually no hiccups that I can recall. Once again props.

So my vote goes to IAmBent. To ZeeDee still mad props. BOTW with VOTW given to IAmBent imo.

[veritas]

I am bent's story resonanted extremely well with me. not to take away from zee.....but I think that the mechanics were equal but Bent's story was just dope.

"Envy burgeons as a heavy burden on the wealthy merchant
His enemies' empty purses steady urging stealthy searches"

^line of the battle..dope multis. dope! great battle guys. mvgt Bent

[Vinzr]

Zee i thought this was a huge step up from what i seen from you in past weeks, this was very nicely done. The concept and development through was top notch and really executed well...got nothing bad to say about that tbh. Iambent, wow this was dope. A very very thought out piece, execution wise was exceptionally well and overall very well written, i really really dug your verse this week bro. I dont think its a hard decision by any stretch but Zee did come nice, just probably not enough against Bent's dope verse

v/ Iambent

[Frank]

ZeeDee. You probably could've went 300 lines easy. Your writing is effortless. Mechanics are cool. The progression was nice. You went from a by the book lecture to your own interpretation to a "this topic is way over my head. what have I got myself into. I'm just going to segway this somehow" mode. I actually liked the last part of the rhyme cause it was almost like a step back and it showed more personality than your attempt at public knowledge. Now this is being super critical. You can write well. I may have different standards or see things another way. I thought this was straight.

IAmBent; This was some bach shit. The story was wicked man. It captivated me. It was a mezzanine view of a great play. It wasn't engaging from a front row sense. Not enough minor details in those nooks and crannies to really spell bound. You did have sections, in which, I will quote, where I felt it was awesome.

And as he streaked, into the night, mutton grease in his right,
She easily spied St. John's Arm, outreaching the Light,
Which she heaved in delight, to redeem her silvery prize
From a merchant with sin in his heart and deceit in his eyes...

Lost in thought, they haunt his shop with reports of flames
Such a shock when a shrug's his response to the scorching blaze
"What a calm this man has as the city burns to ash...!
We sift in filth and trash...the Merchant's palace has no scratch.."

MVGT IAmBent



epic battle......

[King Ra.]

The votes are one-sided but that doesn't take away the excellence in the verses that are presented in this match up. So far, this battle here has overly impressed me, and quite possibly, this could easily be the battle of the year, because you both took the topic & just tore it to bits. ZeeDee, mad impressed with your piece because it had me captivated with the amount of knowledge you strung together. The opening bit hooked me in off bat. Mechanically, you pretty much aced it. Others felt that you may have been a bit sporadic, but I honestly had no issue with your piece. The conceptual approach you took was top notch nailed in. Great job. IAmBenT, I read that someone liked the title, and I agree. The title of your piece already had my interest through the roof. But let's go beyond that. You did a hell of a job putting together that story. This is definitely the most well told topical piece I've read this season thus far. There was not a moment that lacked or threw me off. I agree with zygote in that the "sheriff" terminology doesn't fit the time told in your story, but c'mon, this was well put together. You too nailed the mechanics & the story approach made this battle that more intriguing with the two different directions taken. I remember a battle earlier this season between Nigma & dead man, where dead man took a conceptual approach and it got him a win, because he did such an excellent job in taking the image & putting together a great piece. Zee, your piece would trump most pieces from this season alone. But I feel IAmBenT story approach & the execution of it edged this match for him. This is one of the cases where a really good put together story can trump a conceptual piece, but only if it's executed damn near perfectly. Great job for the entertainment here gentlemen.

MVGT: IAmBenT.

[Inno]

CD

thought this was fire man.godam you had some thought provoking lines throught your entire piece.
and to be honest with all that content you managed to keep the flow smooth..though i felt like your
piece lost me towards the middle..felt like it was an overkill of info but more or else the fact that info
didndt relly come to a great close...left alot open..but overall this was just amazing lol..

bent

now this was fire as well godam i hate you guys...lol seriously this was dope..felt like you had the story
the mechanics and a bit of cleverness to your piece..dope story telling man your diction help with that..
great word choice..felt like you accomplished what cd tried to do in a better fashion..alot of depth with
better closure...really dope shit man...

overall...i think bent gets this simply because his story seemd to stop at a better place..i was left completely
satisfied with his story...while CD had me guessing a bit...nnot taking away from CD tho his shit was godly lol
i just think bent did slightly better..another dope match.

[King Ra.]

IAMBENT WINS, 8-0.