I'm back..

C Raw · 12-17-2013, 03:33 PM

Left the scene to try to record some tracks but I'm offa that
My assorted raps in the booth can't compare to these distorted raps
I'm restoring facts

People tell me I can't rap but I can type and rhymes words as I do it
So I support my movement. I'm more influenced by opportunist who make a killin off giving their two cents I'm ruthless

Gun bars are for the weak minded
If you look inside of the person I've been
You might be surprised when
You find that my life reflects the reason y'all speak of dyin

But I've outgrown the perception of adolescents
Talkin bout weapons don't make you any less than..
..a nigga reachin to explain god with science.

Warming up an playin around.. I'll link feeds if necessary

Figgly Wiggly · 12-17-2013, 08:38 PM

the first stanza was dope. maybe you shouldnt lay offa the track recording though because this writing style is more suited for actually rapping

I didnt know how to read the second stanza. the flow seemed like it ran on, but you know... it probably doesnt

Quote:

Gun bars are for the weak minded
If you look inside of the person I've been
You might be surprised when
You find that my life reflects the reason y'all speak of dyin

didnt like the redundancy of the last two lines. like how you repeated the "you"
im nitpickin bra

the last line of the final stanza is a concept you should expand on and make it the focus of a piece. focus being the keyword for you, sir
pretty cool. keep writing

Wise Wiggles · 12-17-2013, 09:54 PM

smooth stuff for a warm up..

Frank · 12-18-2013, 02:01 AM

Chill, they not ready

12-17-2013, 03:33 PM	#1
C Raw Facts Only Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 119 Rep Power: 0	I'm back.. Left the scene to try to record some tracks but I'm offa that My assorted raps in the booth can't compare to these distorted raps I'm restoring facts People tell me I can't rap but I can type and rhymes words as I do it So I support my movement. I'm more influenced by opportunist who make a killin off giving their two cents I'm ruthless Gun bars are for the weak minded If you look inside of the person I've been You might be surprised when You find that my life reflects the reason y'all speak of dyin But I've outgrown the perception of adolescents Talkin bout weapons don't make you any less than.. ..a nigga reachin to explain god with science. Warming up an playin around.. I'll link feeds if necessary __________________ RareBoyz

12-17-2013, 09:54 PM	#3
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	smooth stuff for a warm up.. __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

12-18-2013, 02:01 AM	#4
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853347	Chill, they not ready __________________ *VETWORK*