Thoughts of a killer

Natural · 05-26-2013, 02:59 AM

The very last line i was lazy on. Trying to practice descrIptiveness. Love horrorcore been awhile since ive done it.

Patrolling the corners of corridors in order to find a victim to torture
Run and hide but a whore struck in horror ill find to chop into Quarters
Blood sludge on my body its never in shortage its a ritual an I record it
The stiff feel of a body in real rigamortis cold steel on cold flesh to forage
Fecal release upon death a trickle of piss and the last exhale of hott breathe
Expression goes blank stare becomes stretched breasts harden next
Color becomes blue an unusual hue and suddenly i feel reborn fresh
I strip the body of all material objects and doust her in a chemical complex
Tendering the body for my plan to dissect and satisfy my phycotic desires
Candles lit burning blue flame i pause to stare at death and i do admire
I make the first slit in her frail frame just above the chin to remove the lips
Her name was amanda bane but she was just a useless bitchh grew up rich
I cut the right tit to deflate her whispering i hate her hoping she's in hell
Cheeks begin to swell and and body begins to smell foul as well but I love it
Demented morbid and rugged i love to cause these hussies to suffer from it
I was treated like a pile of shit mixed with hummas by everybody before This

Just Write · 05-26-2013, 11:23 AM

This was cool. I think a little too wordy vocab wise for horrorcore but still definitely above average. I feel that horrorcore needs to be goryas fuck. I wouldnt mind doing a horrorcore collab with you though. Overall i did really like this though. Bravo man. And thanks for always feeding my shit. Ill get to your other one later

Objective · 05-26-2013, 11:58 AM

Enjoyed the read, decent drop overall.

Nitpicking: A thing I would do if I was you is to proof-read before posting to remove typos and shit like ''phycotic'' and remove excess words like here; ''Cheeks begin to swell and and'', and add some punctuation to help the reader abit more and make the verse seem more complete and polished.

If you want to get better at ''descriptiveness'' a good idea might be to write some shit about a TV being thrown out a window to the ground (or something along those lines, or a vulcano eruption, whatever..) and make it as descriptive as you possibly can. Perhaps it's not OM-worthy, but I guess it's a great thing to do to become better at it.

You're still a fucking bitch for talking shit in our collabo tho'. Peace. ^^

Natural · 05-26-2013, 03:37 PM

Lol Appreciate the feed write and obj

Get over it ur lame ass crew member provoked it. Your leaders looking for drama.
careful watcha ask for cuz you just might get it. @Objective

Bump

InCizion · 05-26-2013, 03:40 PM

Very nice flow to it, easy to follow.. I've never really written any Horror type pieces..but this was a good read... good imagery overall...

05-26-2013, 02:59 AM	#1
Natural Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 659 Rep Power: 0	Thoughts of a killer The very last line i was lazy on. Trying to practice descrIptiveness. Love horrorcore been awhile since ive done it. Patrolling the corners of corridors in order to find a victim to torture Run and hide but a whore struck in horror ill find to chop into Quarters Blood sludge on my body its never in shortage its a ritual an I record it The stiff feel of a body in real rigamortis cold steel on cold flesh to forage Fecal release upon death a trickle of piss and the last exhale of hott breathe Expression goes blank stare becomes stretched breasts harden next Color becomes blue an unusual hue and suddenly i feel reborn fresh I strip the body of all material objects and doust her in a chemical complex Tendering the body for my plan to dissect and satisfy my phycotic desires Candles lit burning blue flame i pause to stare at death and i do admire I make the first slit in her frail frame just above the chin to remove the lips Her name was amanda bane but she was just a useless bitchh grew up rich I cut the right tit to deflate her whispering i hate her hoping she's in hell Cheeks begin to swell and and body begins to smell foul as well but I love it Demented morbid and rugged i love to cause these hussies to suffer from it I was treated like a pile of shit mixed with hummas by everybody before This

05-26-2013, 11:23 AM	#2
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997617	This was cool. I think a little too wordy vocab wise for horrorcore but still definitely above average. I feel that horrorcore needs to be goryas fuck. I wouldnt mind doing a horrorcore collab with you though. Overall i did really like this though. Bravo man. And thanks for always feeding my shit. Ill get to your other one later __________________

05-26-2013, 11:58 AM	#3
Objective ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º) Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,868 Battle Record: 17-32 Rep Power: 52474192	Enjoyed the read, decent drop overall. Nitpicking: A thing I would do if I was you is to proof-read before posting to remove typos and shit like ''phycotic'' and remove excess words like here; ''Cheeks begin to swell and and'', and add some punctuation to help the reader abit more and make the verse seem more complete and polished. If you want to get better at ''descriptiveness'' a good idea might be to write some shit about a TV being thrown out a window to the ground (or something along those lines, or a vulcano eruption, whatever..) and make it as descriptive as you possibly can. Perhaps it's not OM-worthy, but I guess it's a great thing to do to become better at it. You're still a fucking bitch for talking shit in our collabo tho'. Peace. ^^ __________________ I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave, So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o

05-26-2013, 03:37 PM	#4
Natural Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 659 Rep Power: 0	Lol Appreciate the feed write and obj Get over it ur lame ass crew member provoked it. Your leaders looking for drama. careful watcha ask for cuz you just might get it. @Objective Bump

05-26-2013, 03:40 PM	#5
InCizion Junior Member Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 27 Rep Power: 137477	Very nice flow to it, easy to follow.. I've never really written any Horror type pieces..but this was a good read... good imagery overall...