Heaven?

[Arsenium]

A chauvinist mongrel, sick, a slaughterin stig,
drove in a hoverin' Benz, cold, caught in a wind,
walking a wall wobbling worse than a balancing ball ,
with a bomb under the palace walls, raw malice falls,
through my palms with a frost-thaw burned applause,
this claw never learned to paw, the fall was never in halt,
a calming saw, oxymoronic like oxytocin in a proximity of monks,
an ox boxing with a toxin up his nostril like my mind locked in,
with a conscious chicken pox constant infecting like a monster,
mobbing thoughts off my roster, faring worse than a Rasta, farian,
without his ganja, I'll last a minute and leave you in a cast,
who was your master? the corpse is my pasta, weird necrophilic,
Don't try to fucking steal my minute, the minister of menace,
I'm peeling off your skin with this heat that'll never diminish,
beginnin' two thousand or so years ago, a sinner gone acidic,
written down scripted on a high, higher than when Jesus lit it,
and woke up hung over, just to miss church, Is that a bit over,
the top, or is your head just under the rock that I threw at the cross,
All these fucking morals must stop, shove a knife through your bandaid,
a crackhead, crackpot and pothead gonna rampage your landscape,
run amock dancing while I murder multiple mockingbirds and say,
I rewrote literature in my ashtray, how could this have happened,
I'm big headed, shit headed, headed for the brink of the cliff
with all the medicinal acid trips I need a medic but I might slit his head with,
a tight string and behead him and leave his motorbike revvin',
''bye Kevin!'' two days after his wedding, that's my idea of heaven

Titles don't mean shit.

[King Ra.]

Welcome to the site, nigga.

This was okay, I'll take it as like your prelude to more of your work as you continue to drop (that's if you continue to drop) so I'm not gonna beat you down here. I thought you had some cool ideas that could have made this very dope. It reads as if you just threw this together as your thoughts came and went. The flow was basic, some parts it missed. I'd say the scheme you used here would be fine if you were better with the content, other than that, you'd have to make it more interesting. The beginning I wasn't too fond of. It just seemed like you were just "rhyming"- throwing words together that don't really formulate an idea or image, but as I read on, you threw some cool stuff in there, like the "scripted on high/Jesus lit it" line, which was probably my favorite from the whole piece. That little "ox" wordplay a few lines before would have been dope if it was put together better, but I liked the attempt. All in all, I'll be looking to see what else you bring to the table. Feed other pieces, check them out and become good at what you do. Holler.

[Vulgar]

All these fucking morals must stop, shove a knife through your bandaid,
a crackhead, crackpot and pothead gonna rampage your landscape,
run amock dancing while I murder multiple mockingbirds and say,
I rewrote literature in my ashtray, how could this have happened,
I'm big headed, shit headed, headed for the brink of the cliff
with all the medicinal acid trips I need a medic but I might slit his head with,
a tight string and behead him and leave his motorbike revvin',
''bye Kevin!'' two days after his wedding, that's my idea of heaven
^Haha, you get thumbs up for this part.

I started reading the verse and my first impression was that you write like you're trying to be Necro, but as soon as you settled into your groove and moved past the attempts at overly complex wording/rhyming... anyways, the ending was rugged. Welcome to the forum.

Keep doing you