It (The ramblings)

Zen · 10-26-2013, 11:36 PM

Touch the sky. Feel it's presence. It's here. It's essence, seared its message in the tears of the peasants. It's pierce, it nears. Effervescent - appears as a series of questions. I adhere. I fear if the drastic passions I passed, I asked if havin drastic, seizures was average procedure of that which was above my mind. I love to dive from the clutch of time. I rubbed my eyes with a brush of lye with blushing pride. I nudged beside the gushing tide that punched a tribe of something by corruption of the loveless type. It's touch. It's enough. It's up, it's right. It's nothing nice. I fall. I skelter. I cough these letters all together because applause is better when it's dissolved and weathered. I call - it better - deliver. In this dream I'm with her. All things considered it seems, I figured, I need a sitter. I see a river deep in the midst of feet littered with bitter leaves. I'm with her. I kiss her. I get her on her knees. I picture her figure. It's known to me. A moment of peace blows beneath the lonely defeat at least it's supposed to be. I hold my keys. It's only me. I know, you see? I closed my dream from emotional things and soaked my brain with loath. The pain, it's choke, it came. The noose is loose and strangled the hope so I flew at noon away from home and prayed for smoke. My gaze is old. The notes lay in the laymen's home way down the road. I'd stay, but folks I'm late. Adios.

Concrete · 10-27-2013, 01:02 PM

Yeah, this was cool. This brick of text format definately suit the style you got going on here. I get the feeling that the more or less intricate rhymes progressed the content in smooth way, as it stay coherent. Overall a good read this was.

Sho Money EMG · 10-27-2013, 05:55 PM

Dope flow my dude... Sick multies. Structure is diff but I like it, think u pulled it off good... Figured I'd check ur shit out ur always giving good feedback and stuff u deserve it in return... This was dope man def enjoyed this... U got a good complexity and u deliver it perfect...

Real nice drop here man, keep it up Zen

. I rubbed my eyes with a brush of lye with blushing pride. I nudged beside the gushing tide that punched a tribe of something by corruption of the loveless type. It's touch. It's enough. It's up, it's right. It's nothing nice.

^ sick shit homie

Zen · 10-28-2013, 12:33 AM

This is best read high. Just a warning. I was speeding titties writin this shit.

Objective · 10-28-2013, 01:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zenland

This is best read high. Just a warning. I was speeding titties writin this shit.

Perhaps it is best read when high.. But even sober I was feeling this shit. Kinda been dealing with this stuff lately myself. Definitely felt this part;

''I nudged beside the gushing tide that punched a tribe of something by corruption of the loveless type. It's touch. It's enough. It's up, it's right. It's nothing nice. I fall. I skelter. I cough these letters all together because applause is better when it's dissolved and weathered.''

It's dope af man. Doesn't matter what substance you were on when you wrote it, shit's quality.

Zen · 10-28-2013, 01:31 PM

Much obliged Objective.

CopyPat · 10-30-2013, 12:06 PM

hahaha sup zen. cool to see someone new at paragraph type style giving it a go. overall i liked it, and this formatting definitely worked with how u wrote this one. lots of cool slanting rhyming going on, tons of overall rhyming which was cool to read and good for the flow. i didn't really see the point of what you were trying to say though till "In this dream I'm with her." then it started to make sense. before that part it kindof seemed a little random and all over the place. almost like u tried so hard to format this differently that u got away from what u were trying to say and just rhyming shit.

so yeah second half was much better to me. keep at this style it will be cool to see u get better at it, just remember to stay on topic

Zen · 10-30-2013, 02:01 PM

Yeah this was just me speeding titties. God damn adderall lol. Appreciate the feed.

Geno · 10-30-2013, 10:59 PM

Dope shit
I see you've adorn the paragraph steez lately. How nice
I've always been a fan of this style of writing.
Well done, hadd some cool internals and dope syllable play here and there

Up

10-26-2013, 11:36 PM	#1
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	It (The ramblings) Touch the sky. Feel it's presence. It's here. It's essence, seared its message in the tears of the peasants. It's pierce, it nears. Effervescent - appears as a series of questions. I adhere. I fear if the drastic passions I passed, I asked if havin drastic, seizures was average procedure of that which was above my mind. I love to dive from the clutch of time. I rubbed my eyes with a brush of lye with blushing pride. I nudged beside the gushing tide that punched a tribe of something by corruption of the loveless type. It's touch. It's enough. It's up, it's right. It's nothing nice. I fall. I skelter. I cough these letters all together because applause is better when it's dissolved and weathered. I call - it better - deliver. In this dream I'm with her. All things considered it seems, I figured, I need a sitter. I see a river deep in the midst of feet littered with bitter leaves. I'm with her. I kiss her. I get her on her knees. I picture her figure. It's known to me. A moment of peace blows beneath the lonely defeat at least it's supposed to be. I hold my keys. It's only me. I know, you see? I closed my dream from emotional things and soaked my brain with loath. The pain, it's choke, it came. The noose is loose and strangled the hope so I flew at noon away from home and prayed for smoke. My gaze is old. The notes lay in the laymen's home way down the road. I'd stay, but folks I'm late. Adios. Last edited by Zen; 10-26-2013 at 11:55 PM.

10-27-2013, 05:55 PM	#3
Sho Money EMG Senior Member Join Date: May 2013 Location: Zooyork Posts: 2,124 Battle Record: 7-12 Rep Power: 0	Dope flow my dude... Sick multies. Structure is diff but I like it, think u pulled it off good... Figured I'd check ur shit out ur always giving good feedback and stuff u deserve it in return... This was dope man def enjoyed this... U got a good complexity and u deliver it perfect... Real nice drop here man, keep it up Zen . I rubbed my eyes with a brush of lye with blushing pride. I nudged beside the gushing tide that punched a tribe of something by corruption of the loveless type. It's touch. It's enough. It's up, it's right. It's nothing nice. ^ sick shit homie __________________ Sho Money \| Camp Bell Team Alpha EMG This site is whack

10-30-2013, 12:06 PM	#7
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	hahaha sup zen. cool to see someone new at paragraph type style giving it a go. overall i liked it, and this formatting definitely worked with how u wrote this one. lots of cool slanting rhyming going on, tons of overall rhyming which was cool to read and good for the flow. i didn't really see the point of what you were trying to say though till "In this dream I'm with her." then it started to make sense. before that part it kindof seemed a little random and all over the place. almost like u tried so hard to format this differently that u got away from what u were trying to say and just rhyming shit. so yeah second half was much better to me. keep at this style it will be cool to see u get better at it, just remember to stay on topic __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

10-30-2013, 10:59 PM	#9
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	Dope shit I see you've adorn the paragraph steez lately. How nice I've always been a fan of this style of writing. Well done, hadd some cool internals and dope syllable play here and there Up __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

10-27-2013, 01:02 PM	#2
Concrete Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: Oslo Posts: 179 Battle Record: 5-0 Rep Power: 2158978	Yeah, this was cool. This brick of text format definately suit the style you got going on here. I get the feeling that the more or less intricate rhymes progressed the content in smooth way, as it stay coherent. Overall a good read this was.

10-28-2013, 12:33 AM	#4
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	This is best read high. Just a warning. I was speeding titties writin this shit.

10-28-2013, 01:31 PM	#6
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	Much obliged Objective.

10-30-2013, 02:01 PM	#8
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	Yeah this was just me speeding titties. God damn adderall lol. Appreciate the feed.