Week 6 - Vulgar (3-0) vs. Certain (4-1) - CERTAIN WINS 7-0

[Mike Wrecka]

Season 2

Rules

Verse Due Date - Thursday 23:59 PST

Voting Deadline - Sunday 23:59 PST

Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree

Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post.

If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension.


Topic :** You must use this quote as the last line of your verse.**


"And I never saw her again"


Good Luck @Certain @Vulgar

[Certain]

The imprints of tears appear like a time lapse of past fights.
Her lipstick is smeared on the wine glass from last night,
but she's gone now.
She came into my life like a rainbow,
all colors and sugar and spice.
I let my pain go. It's not the same, though,
rubbing the glitter from eyes.

This was day seventeen since Eternity
by Calvin Klein
had flirted me into trying this mountain climb.
I hadn't known she'd existed.
I liked her clothes.
She liked my cheekbones and how they rose when I grimaced.
We went to clubs. I never went to clubs before, reclusive-type
whose evenings usually concluded in Four Roses fused with ice.
I needed more open room to write.
She needed the party life and attention.
So we went to clubs and danced while others offered blind resentment.
They couldn't see us. They only saw her,
as she basked and glowed.
She stood six-two in those heels and swayed like Axl Rose.
And so we danced. From Thicke to Thin Lizzy,
we'd spin, dizzy —
engaged in a personal Sin City.

She started coming home late, with the scent of men's cologne
faintly lingering on the small of her back.
The emptiness of home kept me from calling her tack
even if I'd have been better off alone instead of swallowing acts.
And this all was just that.
I knew it somewhere, beneath the frilly dresses.
But when we'd hit the town, nothing seemed to kill her essence.
Charisma consumes all in its path.
I was becoming obsessed.
We could sit for hours, soaking in the rush of her zest.

There's a quiet silence in watching yourself disappear.
My identity slipped at an untenable clip.
Enveloped in tears,
I stared at the face in the mirror through opal contacts.
The blonde wig reeked of cigarette smoke and cognac.
The mascara was trickling over pointed cheekbones.
The legs were shimmering in the light from streaked hose.
I looked into the mirror. I looked at a Perfect 10.
I shattered it with a single blow,
and I never saw her again.

[Vulgar]

One of the car bombs peeled the lawn, then the smog cleared up
Anton stood palmin' a beer mug, molotov in his pocket, balaclava & earmuffs
His parents feared him for obvious reasons: contras, arson, accomplished theft
was even dubbed a son of a gun...he used on his father when he shot him dead
Aimed white phosphorous at convents & consulates, dishonored catholocists
A martyr in his solemnness with the mark of the apocalypse
Now he's out to make sure the carcasses of Sodom writhe
Used to be a postmodern kid, but now he's not so nice
Sold the type of weapons Tom Clancy wouldn't dare use to implement a plot device
And his mom was like...
"I grow tired of M1-Carbines blastin' through the Springfields,
enough bullets for a thorough portfolio of evil - it's been real
How many innocents have been killed, sniped, splattered onto your windshield?
I thought I taught you how to be more sentimental at least
When you pump the lead, adrenaline peaks...too much berettas & heat
I should've known when I breastfed you... you seemed ready to EAT
First you chased skirts and bombshells, then the metal levels increased
Kalashkinov knishes with a side of hollow tip babaganoush
is what I used to cook for you...
Now you're on the world's most wanted list of arms dealers -
Everybody's tryna look for you...
I remember you collected comics, now it's the damn Gatling catalog?!
I remember when you were just a school boy with your little hat & satchel on
now you roll with Rudeboy's who carry AK47's with the magnums on
The days of the car-seat ceased - you became impartial to RPG's
Pistols barked at your Barkley tee,
but you had enough Houston Rockets to spawn debris at no costly fee
I'm all for peace, and a mother's love knows no bounds
but my heart froze when I saw your snubnose go BLAOOOOW
You wore a full metal jacket for Halloween, I wasn't conscious of who to blame
So I thought with a bazooka's range...
Your friend's costume foreshadowed the monster that you became
I packed your lunchbox with Dole, rice chips and grain
as you slowly indulged in rifles & flames, your whole life was a plague!
Components likely obtained by stolen nitrous; hormones exploded like a grenade
My son, I truly wish your conception was less horrid..."
"--Listen, mother. I brought infamy to our family, got you the best mortgage
until you decided to betray your son & hand God my arrest warrant
This is what I do for a living. I collect mortar at the Czech border,
I've got enough pages in my Book of Sins to pen the next Torah
Too many men in my set gettin' wetboarded...am I the next target?
Why are you so depressed when I digress that I'm lawless?
I'd sell your fucking TEARS if I could fetch something for it..."

Then I must abandon you, my child...
Don't leave me, ma, I'm warning you
For too long have you played ransom with lives,
Now you'll exist, motherless, in fortitude...
Don't leave me, ma, I'm warning you
Understand why -- don't go!
I rigged the lawn with land mines

and I never saw her again.

[YDK]

Holy shit this is a hard decision....I read both twice an can't really find any flaws in either verse.
Certain, I loved it man, you did well fooling me thinking it was a dude dating a girl out of his league but as it went...he was a cross dresser that used the female persona to live the fun life until it got outta hand, possibly raped? And never did it again...atleast I hope that's right lol I'd love an explanation tho to be sure. Flow was spot on and the imagery and word usage was remarkable. Dope ass drop.
Vulgar, also loved it man. Impeccable flow and another original storyline. Alot of small details most ignore when they write and alot of subtle word plays. Incredible ending, sadly I laughed at it lol just wasn't expecting it so props on the twist.
This was close as fuck an I see this going either way, neither was a clear cut winner IMO. So SOLEY based on entertainment value I gotta vote for certain. The cross dresser really tipped the originality scale a bit and barely gripped me enough for the vote. Huge props to both on this real sjit

[symetrik]

Certain:
Loved this.
Up until the third stanza, I wasn't 100% feeling it, just because "oh, guy and a girl, falls in love, she starts cheating, storyline 101", but as soon as I read the first line of stanza four I was like "oh shit".

Favourite lines:

The imprints of tears appear like a time lapse of past fights.
Her lipstick is smeared on the wine glass from last night,
but she's gone now.

This was day seventeen since Eternity
by Calvin Klein
had flirted me into trying this mountain climb.

I looked into the mirror. I looked at a Perfect 10.
I shattered it with a single blow,
and I never saw her again.

Really good twist that makes the reader read the entire thing again.

Vulgar:
Nice storyline

Favourite lines:

One of the car bombs peeled the lawn, then the smog cleared up
Anton stood palmin' a beer mug, molotov in his pocket, balaclava & earmuffs

"I grow tired of M1-Carbines blastin' through the Springfields,
enough bullets for a thorough portfolio of evil - it's been real

The days of the car-seat ceased - you became impartial to RPG's

I feel these lines were really powerful, and if you had more of these it would have been a stronger piece all together, but that's just me.
all in all, it had a solid story line, backstory to conclusion.


vote: certain

[Certain]

I lead 2-0.

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=28482
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=28484
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=28471

[Mr. J]

This was a great battle both writers are very enjoyable IMO
Certain you raised the bar with this piece it was a great showcase of your skills
You had a very unique piece with a very intriguing approach
You didnt let the storyline become obvious until the end
It was great and seemed to flow together so effortlessly
Vulgar this is the style I'm used to and you brought an exceptional verse
The progress of the piece kept it's focus on what you were tryna portray
And it never let up due to your focus on what you wanted to accomplish
A great showing from you as well...this should be BOTW here
It's always great reading a great battle between great opponents
Certain I have got to say I enjoyed this side of you it showed charisma
Vulgar no matter how much you drop you always impress me
This is a tough decision but I'm thinking this battle focused on originality
Great battle but only one of you gets the dub.....
And ima have to with Certain due to great dialogue and character build up
Great battle fellas
v/Certain

[Mike Wrecka]

ya very cool battle guys

Certain - thought I was reading a run of the mill party girl verse. from the perspective of her boyfriend. man I was bored. the twist then took all that and flipped it. it was actually a verse about a cross dresser. and he , like many cross dressers , see the person they dress up as , as a whole different person. this was really well done. it threw me for a loop. the second read through showed some hints at the twist that were embedded in there. like the six foot 2 with heels line. the rhyming was good. the mutlis were good. but some seem forced a bit. the inners made the verse shine though. good shit.

Vulgar - sick verse. even though this is the Vulgar style I like the least. the verse was wordy. its just well very wordy is the only way I could describe it. the length of the lines are too long for my liking. it feels like a chore to get through each line. you do somehow make all that flow though. which is part of your genius. the story was cool. a mother telling her gun obsessed son that he needs to stop stockpiling weapons. then gets killed on the front lawn as she tries to leave. good story. it did get redundant though. I was like the guy likes weapons, that makes her mad. we get it. but it kept going down that path for what felt like forever. don't get me wrong it was very very well written and it was an impressive verse in a lot of ways. just not the style I enjoy.


vote - Certain

[breathless]

Man, I almost don't even want to vote on this, such opposite extremes and both incredible. I mean damn, an elegantly written plot twist love story turned crossdressing epic, and a straightforward well researched and written sadistic arms dealer coming of age tale.

Certain, this was so smooth with transitional in and out rhymes, perfect cadence and that, whoa, that's a big bitch moment...

They couldn't see us. They only saw her,
as she basked and glowed.
She stood six-two in those heels and swayed like Axl Rose.
And so we danced. From Thicke to Thin Lizzy,
we'd spin, dizzy —
engaged in a personal Sin City.

Here I stopped and was like, nah, this dude ain't takin the piece here to the his lady turning out to be a guy, the previous descriptors made her out too pretty... I actually wasn't thinking you took the crossdresser role til the end, I was waiting for the "we hadn't had sex yet, turns out she had a dick and I killed her" scenario, but yea man, real nice, all the way throughout, you didn't lack anything or give too much extra. Very impressed.

Vulgar, your use of multis with types of weaponry and foods, clothing itemzs, everything else was crazy good, a lot of times it ends up sounding odd cause its just done for the rhyme effect, but you killed this shit.

"I grow tired of M1-Carbines blastin' through the Springfields,
enough bullets for a thorough portfolio of evil - it's been real
How many innocents have been killed, sniped, splattered onto your windshield?
I thought I taught you how to be more sentimental at least
When you pump the lead, adrenaline peaks...too much berettas & heat
I should've known when I breastfed you... you seemed ready to EAT
First you chased skirts and bombshells, then the metal levels increased
Kalashkinov knishes with a side of hollow tip babaganoush
is what I used to cook for you...
Now you're on the world's most wanted list of arms dealers -
Everybody's tryna look for you...

Like, seriously, who says shit like that, and actually pulls it off with out being corny

But, my only real complaint is that it dragged on a bit and I sorta got bored with the story part, not the lyricism, that held throughout, but about halfway through I was thinking, man, just kill this bitchin mom already, get super sick, or twist it and have the mom kill him.. then you twist it with her being held captive with mines, clever little twist, but I dunno, it just wasn't spectacular enough, maybe if the kid woulda been more remorseful, or even completely remorseless... Regardless though, I feel certain just edged this one out

Vote - Certain

[PancakeBrah]

Certain -

Very gewd. I don't quite understand where the other voters are coming from in saying this verse was made by the twist; I enjoyed thoroughly before I knew the twist. You have a very smooth style with the rhymes trickling down into a tightly woven web. That's a horrible metaphor, I hope you liked it. Anyhoo, the writing was top notch. The only parts I didn't like were 'sugar and spice' (I understand the thinking in using that, but blech) and 'rush of her zest' which just seemed a touch forced to me. Aside from that, I enjoyed the wording, rhymes, and imagery bunches. reclusive type/four roses fused with ice, basked and glowed/swayed like axl rose, opal contacts/smoke on cognac. Gewd. The smell of cologne on the small of her back. Nice. I enjoyed the juxtaposition between the characters, which was made even more enjoyable by the twist. Good job buck-o.

Vulgar -

Also good. Not your best in terms of rhymes and flow, I think but still better than most. You picked up steam about 1/3 of the way in and didn't let up aside from a couple hiccups here and there. The characterization of the mother was pretty strong, which is a compliment because it's a role that's been done many times (grieving/frustrated mother of a troubled youth). In terms of rhyming your probably edged out Certain, although it was closer than I thought it'd be. Wording was pretty strong throughout with no real glaring weaknesses in my read through. I did not like the twist, though. It seemed a little convenient, rushed, and illogical. Even I bought the 'twist' (it really isn't a twist, I guess) I think you would have been well served to have a couple lines in between the 'land mines' line and the topic sentence.

v/ Certain for the better execution of the topic with a similar quality of writing in comparison to Vulgar, albeit with two opposing styles. Two strong verses from two strong writers.

[Frank]

I've read both verses in their entirety. I'll just scribble between the lines, here, some comments.

Certain.

The imprints of tears appear like a time lapse of past fights.
Her lipstick is smeared on the wine glass from last night,
^i like the backwardness of the schemes here. almost like writing on a mirror.
but she's gone now.
She came into my life like a rainbow,
all colors and sugar and spice.
^sugars and spice, although good descriptions, do not relate to an image of a rainbow.
I let my pain go. It's not the same, though,
rubbing the glitter from eyes.
^unorthodox schemes so far. glitter from eyes/sugar and spice don't add up. just being technical in the grand scheme of things. although the visual had appeal, I don't think it panned out the way you intended it too. still cool nonetheless.

This was day seventeen since Eternity
by Calvin Klein
had flirted me into trying this mountain climb.
^mountain climb?
I hadn't known she'd existed.
I liked her clothes.
She liked my cheekbones and how they rose when I grimaced.
We went to clubs. I never went to clubs before, reclusive-type
whose evenings usually concluded in Four Roses fused with ice.
I needed more open room to write.
^this room to write line seemed out of character, almost a personal moment, if you will,
She needed the party life and attention.
So we went to clubs and danced while others offered blind resentment.
They couldn't see us. They only saw her,
as she basked and glowed.
^schizophrenia?
She stood six-two in those heels and swayed like Axl Rose.
And so we danced. From Thicke to Thin Lizzy,
we'd spin, dizzy —
engaged in a personal Sin City.

She started coming home late, with the scent of men's cologne
faintly lingering on the small of her back.
The emptiness of home kept me from calling her tack
^calling her tack? tack? tack isn't the worst thing you could call someone.
even if I'd have been better off alone instead of swallowing acts.
And this all was just that.
I knew it somewhere, beneath the frilly dresses.
But when we'd hit the town, nothing seemed to kill her essence.
Charisma consumes all in its path.
I was becoming obsessed.
We could sit for hours, soaking in the rush of her zest.
^writing here is more refined, to the point even.

There's a quiet silence in watching yourself disappear.
^i liked this. profound line, could be the underlying theme.
My identity slipped at an untenable clip.
^untenable clip?
Enveloped in tears,
I stared at the face in the mirror through opal contacts.
The blonde wig reeked of cigarette smoke and cognac.
The mascara was trickling over pointed cheekbones.
The legs were shimmering in the light from streaked hose.
I looked into the mirror. I looked at a Perfect 10.
I shattered it with a single blow,
and I never saw her again.
^potent writing here. highlight of the verse imo.

you portray all your characters as if they are an extension of yourself. It is truly incredible, I marvel at your depth and your ability to place yourself completely in the shoes, or heels, for that matter, in this instance, of your characters. You are an open book with infinite possibilities. You 'method acting' way of writing is one of diabolical selflessness. A writers writer Hats off,


Vulgar.

One of the car bombs peeled the lawn, then the smog cleared up
Anton stood palmin' a beer mug, molotov in his pocket, balaclava & earmuffs
^great opener.
His parents feared him for obvious reasons: contras, arson, accomplished theft
was even dubbed a son of a gun...he used on his father when he shot him dead
^nice.
Aimed white phosphorous at convents & consulates, dishonored catholocists
^little wordy which is cool but it deviates and jars the reader. Little more back drop before you start dropping the specifics in such a way. Let the ''story'' breathe so to speak before you get the magnafine glass and start burning the ants.
A martyr in h s solemnness with the mark of the apocalypse
Now he's out to make sure the carcasses of Sodom writhe
Used to be a postmodern kid, but now he's not so nice
Sold the type of weapons Tom Clancy wouldn't dare use to implement a plot device
^vintage vulgar with the left field reference here. although here it really isn't that far fetched.
And his mom was like...
^haven't seen this kind of line from you, ever.
"I grow tired of M1-Carbines blastin' through the Springfields,
enough bullets for a thorough portfolio of evil - it's been real
^mom is g'ed up saying its been real
How many innocents have been killed, sniped, splattered onto your windshield?
^good visual and good line, in general, stands alone.
I thought I taught you how to be more sentimental at least
^so , she was the true gun slinger?
When you pump the lead, adrenaline peaks...too much berettas & heat
I should've known when I breastfed you... you seemed ready to EAT
First you chased skirts and bombshells, then the metal levels increased
^bombshell idea was dope metaphorically.
Kalashkinov knishes with a side of hollow tip babaganoush
^lol
is what I used to cook for you...
Now you're on the world's most wanted list of arms dealers -
Everybody's tryna look for you...
I remember you collected comics, now it's the damn Gatling catalog?!
I remember when you were just a school boy with your little hat & satchel on
^I remember, I remember... seemed like false bravado
now you roll with Rudeboy's who carry AK47's with the magnums on
The days of the car-seat ceased - you became impartial to RPG's
Pistols barked at your Barkley tee,
but you had enough Houston Rockets to spawn debris at no costly fee
^barkley was on the rockets or the suns? Again another obscure reference, vintage vulgar there.
I'm all for peace, and a mother's love knows no bounds
but my heart froze when I saw your snubnose go BLAOOOOW
^could've done more with snubnose concept.
You wore a full metal jacket for Halloween, I wasn't conscious of who to blame
^this continuing remeniscient style is funny considering the subject matter, almost seems like a spoof to me
So I thought with a bazooka's range...
Your friend's costume foreshadowed the monster that you became
I packed your lunchbox with Dole, rice chips and grain
^dole, rice chips and grain? no wonder he shot up the place. sounds like a hermits diet.
as you slowly indulged in rifles & flames, your whole life was a plague!
Components likely obtained by stolen nitrous; hormones exploded like a grenade
^"hormones exploded like a grenade'' this line and the bombshell line were where you should've tooken this piece
My son, I truly wish your conception was less horrid..."
"--Listen, mother. I brought infamy to our family, got you the best mortgage
^mortgage?
until you decided to betray your son & hand God my arrest warrant
This is what I do for a living. I collect mortar at the Czech border,
I've got enough pages in my Book of Sins to pen the next Torah
Too many men in my set gettin' wetboarded...am I the next target?
Why are you so depressed when I digress that I'm lawless?
I'd sell your fucking TEARS if I could fetch something for it..."

Then I must abandon you, my child...
Don't leave me, ma, I'm warning you
For too long have you played ransom with lives,
Now you'll exist, motherless, in fortitude...
Don't leave me, ma, I'm warning you
Understand why -- don't go!
I rigged the lawn with land mines

and I never saw her again.

quintin territino of netcees. very action oriented with a slight hint of spoof. but be real how many times did you read my michael jackson verse -

Overall, was a great read from both parties. Both writers played to their strengths. Certain is a conceptual mastermind while Vulgar was the outlandish genius. Tough battle to judge really but if I had to choose, which I do, I'd vote for Certain. The streamline writing of Vulgar didn't quite drive home the final line like the definitive approach take of Certain.