Week 4 - Certain (3-0) vs. VividlyVague (3-0) - CERTAIN WINS 5-0

Mike Wrecka · 10-14-2013, 07:28 AM

Season 2

Rules

Verse Due Date - Thursday 23:59 PST

Voting Deadline - Sunday 23:59 PST

Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree

Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post.

If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension.

Topic

Fire

Good Luck @Certain @Vividlyvague

e11even · 10-16-2013, 06:49 PM

I've scorched, therefore I can.
I've risen in spite of the creation I am.
Blue in the face, I will forever forsake you and speak it.
Red in the blood, yet black in the heart of your green through each season.
Flood to drown me, landslide to down me, unleashed vines have bound me...
But this force of nature's unnatural, thus extermination is all but well mounted.

Born to rule self, yet dominion of all life's my aspiration.
My inspiration is destruction and procreation,
Almost at whim is this commitment to such a realization.
Spirituality ripped from the aural balance in parallel dimensions.
Yet, I convince that fixed shifts in rifts are meant as a sent gift, albeit demented.
I've discovered what far earlier existed, I've exhumed what was buried with fateful intention.

I've lit candles for cult practices and memories' vigils at the same time.
I've lived for rushed passions and deliberate procrastination in the name of dying.
I've been dead and resurrected against a name divine in the name of science!
How are you NOT appalled that i claim to have what you claim to have made for Zion?!
I provoke you to do all but remain a silence. A feigned belief. A mage, retired.
A reign of which may or may not have created, as this remains a waning bias.

I devour, yet I've always starved.
I've deflowered, yet have never tasted nectar beyond.
I'm in power, yet lack the towers to raise and empower peons.
I've been in existence for but a moment, but boast of knowing eons.
The coast is as defiant, but serves as a striking blow to my maligning tyrant.
A napoleon in the mind of a giant- until the size causes seismic rises and climate dive-ins.

I deprive wisdom and let shine the mindless.
Revive kingdoms in worldly estate and praise mediocrity against your triumphs'
backdrop. With that said, no way will there be civilization above my causes,
aligned with my values or below my fallings, to remain scattered and divided regardless.
This body of life, at your expense's what I have afforded.
I am of a dark light, potential overshadowed with false self-importance.

Let all fall. I possess a summer's stubborn tenacity.
A successful abortion born, ungratefully grasping this apathy.
Passionate disdain as a complete being, claiming host are all last to me.
Blasphemy?? The inquiry begs to answer itself, apparently.
I rage war each age- each day, for you, more disparaging...
I am of Gaia's ember, crackling, accompanying a sealess calvalry ...
setting ablaze the life in your hands til blisters make creation challenging.

I've scorched, therefore I can. I am man.

e11even · 10-16-2013, 06:50 PM

http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=25119

Certain · 10-17-2013, 03:58 AM

The flame flickers. One draw, deep. Exhale.
It's time to go.
This attic provided home, sanctuary by liner notes.
Crawl space, really. One window, sealed by primer coats,
that couldn't reveal the time I'd consigned to wine-drinking and hiding, cold.
There's a draft. The five-by-five-by-five nook wasn't insulated.
Inhale.
At times, I'd climb the flimsy ladder wincing, aimless.
The splinters made it necessary for socks.
Each winter came and my room grew dimmer.
Proceed. Entrance bearing a lock.
I had the key now.
Mother had been careful to knock.
She wasn't here. Exhale.
The scribbles on the wall would be there till they're not.
Scratches on the headboard, still bare with its knots,
the wood never quite took to its unbearable lot.
Inhale. Stare at my blocks and discarded toys gathering dust.
There was a child here. There is no child here.
Captain America's leg fell off one day. I bandaged him up.
There are no heroes here. Exhale.
The vintage Mantle-inked glove; he told me he'd handed me love.
Mother agreed but still covered for me when I damaged its cuff.
Close the door on the way out.
Inhale. These floors creak.
The door squeaks.
The master bedroom replete with a faded family portrait.
The boy had a smile. The man'd demand he force it.
Turn it down. Exhale.
The steps spiraled to haven.
This kitchen inspired each craving, now just a retired old apron.
The tiles were painted red and white, but the footprints were obvious now.
Inhale. An ash falls. The smell forms an ominous cloud.
It's time to leave. Exhale.
It's time to leave this vacant pall.
One gazing stall. Faded paint in the corner where the tree would graze the wall.
Inhale. Step out to face the fall. Taste the fog.
Toss the butt into the open basement hall.
The flame flickers. Exhale.

symetrik · 10-17-2013, 12:31 PM

vividly: big words make an unnatural flow
fave line:

Quote:

Let all fall. I possess a summer's stubborn tenacity.
A successful abortion born, ungratefully grasping this apathy.

certain: great storyline, good flow, awesome reconnection with the topic.
took me until

Quote:

The boy had a smile. The man'd demand he force it.
Turn it down. Exhale.

to realize what had happened, you controlled the environment in the piece really well.

Quote:

The steps spiraled to haven.
This kitchen inspired each craving, now just a retired old apron.

seemed out of place to me, didn't really drive the piece towards the ending, rather seemed to pull back into the house, yet "turn it down" already started the transition out of the house and moved the story forward.

fave lines:

Quote:

It's time to go.
This attic provided home, sanctuary by liner notes.
Crawl space, really. One window, sealed by primer coats,
that couldn't reveal the time I'd consigned to wine-drinking and hiding, cold.

vote: certain

Just Write · 10-17-2013, 01:56 PM

I've lit candles for cult practices and memories' vigils at the same time.
I've lived for rushed passions and deliberate procrastination in the name of dying.
I've been dead and resurrected against a name divine in the name of science!
How are you NOT appalled that i claim to have what you claim to have made for Zion?!
I provoke you to do all but remain a silence. A feigned belief. A mage, retired.
A reign of which may or may not have created, as this remains a waning bias.

vivid,
when i read this i pictured you either on a pulpit preaching and yelling or on a stage in a Romeo outfit holding a skull haha. this was nice, a little too narrative for my taste but still pulled off very well. i would like to see you get more involved in your verse, like as a writer become the character more and not be so scheme minded but relax a little, your shits intense haha, in a good way though :)

Proceed. Entrance bearing a lock.
I had the key now.
Mother had been careful to knock.
She wasn't here. Exhale.
The scribbles on the wall would be there till they're not.
Scratches on the headboard, still bare with its knots,

This kitchen inspired each craving, now just a retired old apron.
The tiles were painted red and white, but the footprints were obvious now.
Inhale. An ash falls. The smell forms an ominous cloud.
It's time to leave. Exhale.
It's time to leave this vacant pall.
One gazing stall. Faded paint in the corner where the tree would graze the wall.
Inhale. Step out to face the fall. Taste the fog.
Toss the butt into the open basement hall.

lol is it ironic that this piece is super "Vivid? love the way you painted a picture with your storytelling, it always connects me to the piece when i can read a line and automatically see it. sometimes I think writers try TOO hard to force an expanded vocab into something that could be put.. not simpler but i'd say worded a more comprehensible way as where the reader doesn't have to try to hard to read it. a more relaxed read to me is always favored.

both of you guys really brought it in this important match and so far this has been the toughest for me to vote on but i'm going to go with certain because i think his piece was a little more rounded in terms of mechanics/plot/execution/understand-ability

thanks for the read guys!

Mr. J · 10-17-2013, 07:21 PM

This was pretty interesting as far as elements go
I enjoyed both pieces because both writers are interesting to say the least

Vivid, your flow was good and the execution was nice
I felt that your piece conveyed a more...view of fire itself
which was dope, I felt like you had plenty of ways to shine
and you did so by showing many different aspects
it didn't lag much for that, very technical in your way of writing
smooth work

Certain, I enjoyed your piece because you brought a story along with it
it had a vibe that made it easy to read, it helped carry the piece
the flow was on point and the inhaling/exhaling brought a different feel
you surprise me as a writer because you have a smooth style
different from most writers that are around, nice work my dude

As for my vote, I feel like this one will be difficult
I feel vivid was doing good for the most part
and for some reason some parts felt...added on later
which may have messed with the whole flow of the piece
not to much to take away from the piece though...
Certain had some great execution, but I felt put off by the end
I fear the end came too abruptly for me...not a big deal
regardless...after reading this battle a few times my decision boils down to enjoyability
v/Certain

Geno · 10-17-2013, 07:54 PM

This was a really dope battle

Vivdly did his thing, killed it imo. Got at the topic nicely and flow was on point
My only grip was how the element of excitement started to drift and it became boring towards later parts of the verse

Certain, you went off in here, the detail, style, flow switchups and rhyme scheme tie ins were nuts. Very well crafted and vivdly drawn out. I got you with the win this week for staying on poiint as well as vivdly but delivering, imo, a far superior verse technically and stylistically. You simply outclassed your opponent

V-certain

Certain · 10-18-2013, 04:09 AM

I lead 4-0.

http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=25119
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=25113
http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=23658

Zen · 10-19-2013, 05:50 PM

Vivid- This piece was fire...see what I did there? Literally it was. I took the verse as fire explaining why it is important. Wouldn't that be bad ass if fire was like on the stand at a court and it had to explain why I should be here? I'm going off topic, but in a way that's what you did and you executed it quite well. Sadly, for me the verse was strongest in the second and third section and after that in drifted off making the climax not much of a climax at all which was terrible because the first had been written so well. The flow was off at a few points for me and I'd have to double back on a few lines but still it was nothing major. All in all though, a solid drop except it just got repetitive.

Certain- I haven't read all of the battles yet, but so far this is my VOTW. Forreal. The descriptive language you used took me through each part of the house and made me feel that I was there. That's not an easy thing to do, but you did it here. Really I think your writing had a greater impact because of your use of punctuation (something I'm trying to do better myself). Knowing when to stop, and when to pause helps the reader carry the flow much easier and the flow on this was perfect. Well done.

v/ Certain

Great battle fellas.

10-14-2013, 07:28 AM	#1
Mike Wrecka WOW Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,591 Battle Record: 29-25 Champed - Writing Challenge League I Rep Power: 82779338	Week 4 - Certain (3-0) vs. VividlyVague (3-0) - CERTAIN WINS 5-0 Season 2 Rules Verse Due Date - Thursday 23:59 PST Voting Deadline - Sunday 23:59 PST Line Limits - 16 - 48 Max can be higher if both agree Voting - Must vote on 3 battles and post voting links in this thread, preferably all in one post. If you don't vote on 3 battle you will be given a loss. If you lose by votes and don't vote on other battles you receive a one week suspension. Topic Fire Good Luck @Certain @Vividlyvague __________________ A.bove T.he R.est

10-16-2013, 06:49 PM	#2
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	Smiting the Hand That Breeds You I've scorched, therefore I can. I've risen in spite of the creation I am. Blue in the face, I will forever forsake you and speak it. Red in the blood, yet black in the heart of your green through each season. Flood to drown me, landslide to down me, unleashed vines have bound me... But this force of nature's unnatural, thus extermination is all but well mounted. Born to rule self, yet dominion of all life's my aspiration. My inspiration is destruction and procreation, Almost at whim is this commitment to such a realization. Spirituality ripped from the aural balance in parallel dimensions. Yet, I convince that fixed shifts in rifts are meant as a sent gift, albeit demented. I've discovered what far earlier existed, I've exhumed what was buried with fateful intention. I've lit candles for cult practices and memories' vigils at the same time. I've lived for rushed passions and deliberate procrastination in the name of dying. I've been dead and resurrected against a name divine in the name of science! How are you NOT appalled that i claim to have what you claim to have made for Zion?! I provoke you to do all but remain a silence. A feigned belief. A mage, retired. A reign of which may or may not have created, as this remains a waning bias. I devour, yet I've always starved. I've deflowered, yet have never tasted nectar beyond. I'm in power, yet lack the towers to raise and empower peons. I've been in existence for but a moment, but boast of knowing eons. The coast is as defiant, but serves as a striking blow to my maligning tyrant. A napoleon in the mind of a giant- until the size causes seismic rises and climate dive-ins. I deprive wisdom and let shine the mindless. Revive kingdoms in worldly estate and praise mediocrity against your triumphs' backdrop. With that said, no way will there be civilization above my causes, aligned with my values or below my fallings, to remain scattered and divided regardless. This body of life, at your expense's what I have afforded. I am of a dark light, potential overshadowed with false self-importance. Let all fall. I possess a summer's stubborn tenacity. A successful abortion born, ungratefully grasping this apathy. Passionate disdain as a complete being, claiming host are all last to me. Blasphemy?? The inquiry begs to answer itself, apparently. I rage war each age- each day, for you, more disparaging... I am of Gaia's ember, crackling, accompanying a sealess calvalry ... setting ablaze the life in your hands til blisters make creation challenging. I've scorched, therefore I can. I am man. __________________ Ahem.

10-16-2013, 06:50 PM	#3
e11even V.V Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: . Posts: 2,076 Battle Record: 31-20 Rep Power: 6247259	http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=25119 __________________ Ahem. Last edited by e11even; 10-16-2013 at 08:20 PM.

10-17-2013, 01:56 PM	#6
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997617	I've lit candles for cult practices and memories' vigils at the same time. I've lived for rushed passions and deliberate procrastination in the name of dying. I've been dead and resurrected against a name divine in the name of science! How are you NOT appalled that i claim to have what you claim to have made for Zion?! I provoke you to do all but remain a silence. A feigned belief. A mage, retired. A reign of which may or may not have created, as this remains a waning bias. vivid, when i read this i pictured you either on a pulpit preaching and yelling or on a stage in a Romeo outfit holding a skull haha. this was nice, a little too narrative for my taste but still pulled off very well. i would like to see you get more involved in your verse, like as a writer become the character more and not be so scheme minded but relax a little, your shits intense haha, in a good way though :) Proceed. Entrance bearing a lock. I had the key now. Mother had been careful to knock. She wasn't here. Exhale. The scribbles on the wall would be there till they're not. Scratches on the headboard, still bare with its knots, This kitchen inspired each craving, now just a retired old apron. The tiles were painted red and white, but the footprints were obvious now. Inhale. An ash falls. The smell forms an ominous cloud. It's time to leave. Exhale. It's time to leave this vacant pall. One gazing stall. Faded paint in the corner where the tree would graze the wall. Inhale. Step out to face the fall. Taste the fog. Toss the butt into the open basement hall. lol is it ironic that this piece is super "Vivid? love the way you painted a picture with your storytelling, it always connects me to the piece when i can read a line and automatically see it. sometimes I think writers try TOO hard to force an expanded vocab into something that could be put.. not simpler but i'd say worded a more comprehensible way as where the reader doesn't have to try to hard to read it. a more relaxed read to me is always favored. both of you guys really brought it in this important match and so far this has been the toughest for me to vote on but i'm going to go with certain because i think his piece was a little more rounded in terms of mechanics/plot/execution/understand-ability thanks for the read guys! __________________

10-17-2013, 07:21 PM	#7
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	This was pretty interesting as far as elements go I enjoyed both pieces because both writers are interesting to say the least Vivid, your flow was good and the execution was nice I felt that your piece conveyed a more...view of fire itself which was dope, I felt like you had plenty of ways to shine and you did so by showing many different aspects it didn't lag much for that, very technical in your way of writing smooth work Certain, I enjoyed your piece because you brought a story along with it it had a vibe that made it easy to read, it helped carry the piece the flow was on point and the inhaling/exhaling brought a different feel you surprise me as a writer because you have a smooth style different from most writers that are around, nice work my dude As for my vote, I feel like this one will be difficult I feel vivid was doing good for the most part and for some reason some parts felt...added on later which may have messed with the whole flow of the piece not to much to take away from the piece though... Certain had some great execution, but I felt put off by the end I fear the end came too abruptly for me...not a big deal regardless...after reading this battle a few times my decision boils down to enjoyability v/Certain __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

10-17-2013, 03:58 AM	#4
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	The flame flickers. One draw, deep. Exhale. It's time to go. This attic provided home, sanctuary by liner notes. Crawl space, really. One window, sealed by primer coats, that couldn't reveal the time I'd consigned to wine-drinking and hiding, cold. There's a draft. The five-by-five-by-five nook wasn't insulated. Inhale. At times, I'd climb the flimsy ladder wincing, aimless. The splinters made it necessary for socks. Each winter came and my room grew dimmer. Proceed. Entrance bearing a lock. I had the key now. Mother had been careful to knock. She wasn't here. Exhale. The scribbles on the wall would be there till they're not. Scratches on the headboard, still bare with its knots, the wood never quite took to its unbearable lot. Inhale. Stare at my blocks and discarded toys gathering dust. There was a child here. There is no child here. Captain America's leg fell off one day. I bandaged him up. There are no heroes here. Exhale. The vintage Mantle-inked glove; he told me he'd handed me love. Mother agreed but still covered for me when I damaged its cuff. Close the door on the way out. Inhale. These floors creak. The door squeaks. The master bedroom replete with a faded family portrait. The boy had a smile. The man'd demand he force it. Turn it down. Exhale. The steps spiraled to haven. This kitchen inspired each craving, now just a retired old apron. The tiles were painted red and white, but the footprints were obvious now. Inhale. An ash falls. The smell forms an ominous cloud. It's time to leave. Exhale. It's time to leave this vacant pall. One gazing stall. Faded paint in the corner where the tree would graze the wall. Inhale. Step out to face the fall. Taste the fog. Toss the butt into the open basement hall. The flame flickers. Exhale.

10-17-2013, 07:54 PM	#8
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	This was a really dope battle Vivdly did his thing, killed it imo. Got at the topic nicely and flow was on point My only grip was how the element of excitement started to drift and it became boring towards later parts of the verse Certain, you went off in here, the detail, style, flow switchups and rhyme scheme tie ins were nuts. Very well crafted and vivdly drawn out. I got you with the win this week for staying on poiint as well as vivdly but delivering, imo, a far superior verse technically and stylistically. You simply outclassed your opponent V-certain __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

10-18-2013, 04:09 AM	#9
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	I lead 4-0. http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=25119 http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=25113 http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=23658 __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

10-19-2013, 05:50 PM	#10
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	Vivid- This piece was fire...see what I did there? Literally it was. I took the verse as fire explaining why it is important. Wouldn't that be bad ass if fire was like on the stand at a court and it had to explain why I should be here? I'm going off topic, but in a way that's what you did and you executed it quite well. Sadly, for me the verse was strongest in the second and third section and after that in drifted off making the climax not much of a climax at all which was terrible because the first had been written so well. The flow was off at a few points for me and I'd have to double back on a few lines but still it was nothing major. All in all though, a solid drop except it just got repetitive. Certain- I haven't read all of the battles yet, but so far this is my VOTW. Forreal. The descriptive language you used took me through each part of the house and made me feel that I was there. That's not an easy thing to do, but you did it here. Really I think your writing had a greater impact because of your use of punctuation (something I'm trying to do better myself). Knowing when to stop, and when to pause helps the reader carry the flow much easier and the flow on this was perfect. Well done. v/ Certain Great battle fellas.