Hope Less

dull boy · 09-26-2013, 12:20 AM

I went from…

Placing’em on pedestals, to hating’em, it’s sexual
My taste for lust is never full, I hate their guts, especially you

They were…

Depressed and used, ashamed and wrong’d
By the selected few they’d placed a bond
So I’d collect their gloom, embrace their flaws
Breathe breath into the faith they’d lost
Caress their bruise, I’d make’em strong
‘Til they were impressed and glued to the face they saw
In the mirror, you should hear’em
Get restless, rude, the names they’d call
Looking down on me from pedestals I’d placed’em on

This dilemma’s too vast to wrap my words around
The complexities of love squared by passion’s thirst for now
I’m passive, currents drowned a habit, hurting’s pal
Imagined worthless now, not the match she deserves to’ve found
I’m not strong, I’m not tough, I’m not calm, I’m not what
She’d call love, I’m washed up, I’m all but
Forgotten by the ones who knew me then
The things she saw in me I think I lost on Lucy’s lips
We can’t love, marriage fails, it’s prophecy
It slams shut, we’re hand cuffed by fairytale philosophies
The air gets stale, it’s hard to breathe
With cramped lungs, dispair’s the trail we walk with grief
I’m surrounded by white walls without any lights on
Emotions lie drowned in a fountain of dry falls
Couldn’t swallow what followed the feelings of love
A bleeding heart attacked revealing mis-trust
For some, concealing’s enough
A secret artifact being sealed up and shut
From those appealing to us, but the only way to heal it’s to numb…

… And I’m a perfectionist, the pessimist won’t risk a second kiss

PancakeBrah · 09-26-2013, 12:25 AM

reminds me 'applause' by lady gaga

Zen · 09-26-2013, 07:35 AM

After reading two drops from you since I came back I have to admit you are now one of my favorite writers. Dope.

Wise Wiggles · 09-26-2013, 10:48 AM

Read bits. On break. Dope. Cake stop. Will return. Later.

CopyPat · 09-26-2013, 01:38 PM

Retardadly good

Certain · 09-27-2013, 03:35 AM

I really liked this because the rhyme scheme is absurd and you conveyed a lot of emotion, but it was vague. I'd like to see you make something like this more directly (or even falsely) personal through real details. That's a complaint I offer often, though, so maybe it's just my thing and I need to get over it.

I liked this part the most:

Quote:

I’m not strong, I’m not tough, I’m not calm, I’m not what
She’d call love, I’m washed up, I’m all but
Forgotten by the ones who knew me then
The things she saw in me I think I lost on Lucy’s lips
We can’t love, marriage fails, it’s prophecy
It slams shut, we’re hand cuffed by fairytale philosophies

Wise Wiggles · 09-27-2013, 03:29 PM

Sorry. Got busy. Went to the Tech show last night! But uh, came back and read this. Nothing short of brilliant.

PancakeBrah · 09-27-2013, 04:37 PM

Whys stop

dull boy · 09-27-2013, 04:43 PM

I think you should both keep going.

Wise Wiggles · 09-27-2013, 05:12 PM

Pancake why did you delete that piece you posted entitled as "paragiraffes" ? I was going to leave magnifico feed on that bad boy. Talking like that shit reminded me of that one episode of that show called something or other, where that dude goes around to people's houses pulling hair out of their shower drains and touching it and smelling the precious. He was addicted. In a bad way.

PancakeBrah · 09-27-2013, 05:31 PM

Lol I deleted it i was fucking BLASTED kid. Just fucking GONZO hahahaha

PancakeBrah · 09-27-2013, 05:32 PM

Is your next piece going be slightly weird with a couple references of killing women with a lot of multis and short line length?

With maybe some weird delivery like thiiiiiiis

Wise Wiggles · 09-27-2013, 06:00 PM

Hopefully!

I'll write one right now. Gimme a bit.

PancakeBrah · 09-27-2013, 06:07 PM

I like those ones. I'll feed it, promise.

CopyPat · 09-27-2013, 06:21 PM

Dull stop.

Cake and wise Collab right now

Darth Yoda · 09-27-2013, 09:50 PM

I can do way better

Mr. J · 09-27-2013, 10:01 PM

The rhyme scheme on here is pretty slick
I'm enjoying the vibe I'm getting from this too
the multis were placed together pretty well
the vocab was on point for the piece as well
seemed like a different approach for you
either way keep writing breh

Bodey · 09-30-2013, 11:17 PM

whenever i use multi's, i have a terrible habit of using a lot of filler to make a line work. you my friend, have mastered not wasting ONE word. everything seemed placed perfectly. and even though it wasnt graphic, i wouldnt have called it vague either. it lets you in just enough but still keeps you at a distance, as i'm sure the writer may be in real life. i've always loved your drops, nothing short of dope.

i wanna read somethin like Wasps again, that shit was crazy

oats · 10-01-2013, 02:00 AM

We can’t love, marriage fails, it’s prophecy
It slams shut, we’re hand cuffed by fairytale philosophies

slick wording, rhythm was dope too

I’m not strong, I’m not tough, I’m not calm, I’m not what
She’d call love, I’m washed up, I’m all but
Forgotten

this too. it's not just your multis, it's how you use em. nah mean. I like pieces like this from you, more targeted, meaningful. plus your writing is always fun to read, not many people I can say that about. keep it coming

09-26-2013, 12:20 AM	#1
dull boy consults Lloyd Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 4,053 Battle Record: 0-8 Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast Rep Power: 39345604	Hope Less I went from… Placing’em on pedestals, to hating’em, it’s sexual My taste for lust is never full, I hate their guts, especially you They were… Depressed and used, ashamed and wrong’d By the selected few they’d placed a bond So I’d collect their gloom, embrace their flaws Breathe breath into the faith they’d lost Caress their bruise, I’d make’em strong ‘Til they were impressed and glued to the face they saw In the mirror, you should hear’em Get restless, rude, the names they’d call Looking down on me from pedestals I’d placed’em on This dilemma’s too vast to wrap my words around The complexities of love squared by passion’s thirst for now I’m passive, currents drowned a habit, hurting’s pal Imagined worthless now, not the match she deserves to’ve found I’m not strong, I’m not tough, I’m not calm, I’m not what She’d call love, I’m washed up, I’m all but Forgotten by the ones who knew me then The things she saw in me I think I lost on Lucy’s lips We can’t love, marriage fails, it’s prophecy It slams shut, we’re hand cuffed by fairytale philosophies The air gets stale, it’s hard to breathe With cramped lungs, dispair’s the trail we walk with grief I’m surrounded by white walls without any lights on Emotions lie drowned in a fountain of dry falls Couldn’t swallow what followed the feelings of love A bleeding heart attacked revealing mis-trust For some, concealing’s enough A secret artifact being sealed up and shut From those appealing to us, but the only way to heal it’s to numb… … And I’m a perfectionist, the pessimist won’t risk a second kiss

09-26-2013, 12:25 AM	#2
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	reminds me 'applause' by lady gaga __________________ Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder

09-26-2013, 10:48 AM	#4
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	Read bits. On break. Dope. Cake stop. Will return. Later. __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

09-26-2013, 01:38 PM	#5
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	Retardadly good __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

09-27-2013, 03:29 PM	#7
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	Sorry. Got busy. Went to the Tech show last night! But uh, came back and read this. Nothing short of brilliant. __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

09-26-2013, 07:35 AM	#3
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	After reading two drops from you since I came back I have to admit you are now one of my favorite writers. Dope.

09-27-2013, 04:37 PM	#8
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	Whys stop

09-27-2013, 04:43 PM	#9
dull boy consults Lloyd Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 4,053 Battle Record: 0-8 Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast Rep Power: 39345604	I think you should both keep going.

09-27-2013, 05:12 PM	#10
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	Pancake why did you delete that piece you posted entitled as "paragiraffes" ? I was going to leave magnifico feed on that bad boy. Talking like that shit reminded me of that one episode of that show called something or other, where that dude goes around to people's houses pulling hair out of their shower drains and touching it and smelling the precious. He was addicted. In a bad way. __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

09-27-2013, 05:31 PM	#11
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	Lol I deleted it i was fucking BLASTED kid. Just fucking GONZO hahahaha

09-27-2013, 05:32 PM	#12
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	Is your next piece going be slightly weird with a couple references of killing women with a lot of multis and short line length? With maybe some weird delivery like thiiiiiiis

09-27-2013, 06:00 PM	#13
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	Hopefully! I'll write one right now. Gimme a bit. __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

09-27-2013, 06:07 PM	#14
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	I like those ones. I'll feed it, promise. __________________ Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder

09-27-2013, 06:21 PM	#15
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	Dull stop. Cake and wise Collab right now __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

09-27-2013, 09:50 PM	#16
Darth Yoda Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 408 Battle Record: 6-2 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF Rep Power: 20182439	I can do way better

09-27-2013, 10:01 PM	#17
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	The rhyme scheme on here is pretty slick I'm enjoying the vibe I'm getting from this too the multis were placed together pretty well the vocab was on point for the piece as well seemed like a different approach for you either way keep writing breh __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

10-01-2013, 02:00 AM	#19
oats Steel Cut Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 5,084 Battle Record: 19-10 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Fight Night LXXXIV - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 79005428	We can’t love, marriage fails, it’s prophecy It slams shut, we’re hand cuffed by fairytale philosophies slick wording, rhythm was dope too I’m not strong, I’m not tough, I’m not calm, I’m not what She’d call love, I’m washed up, I’m all but Forgotten this too. it's not just your multis, it's how you use em. nah mean. I like pieces like this from you, more targeted, meaningful. plus your writing is always fun to read, not many people I can say that about. keep it coming __________________ You should be water