breathe

[Diablo]

i can,

finally breathe. exhale vape smoke in silent relief
used to find my release in a pack of loud to quiet the demons
blind to all feeling, numb to the touch. self-reflecting puddles of blood
hungry for something more than the existence I couldn’t give up.
trust me I would given the chance, but opportunities scarce
the bruises we wear are badges for those who come through it prepared
blue as the air gets turned by a stubbed toe on the dresser
now we’re both under pressure, walking around hopeless as ever
coping’s a mechanism many tried but only few have mastered
unilateral contusion damage. yet to find it’s you that matters
the most. grab me my coat off the peg
home is the bed you lay in, spent last night on the sofa instead
emotional wrecking ball. mace hanging where my heart should be
part of me wondering if I should fold my cards and leave. half asleep
with a crooked neck. up I get and head to the kitchen
place my hand down next to the dishes we never did finish
cold remnants still with us. something like the love that we shared
a couple who rarely serve up anything but looks of despair
under the glare of expectation. resentful and cold
emptied emotionally. feels like the last beer at the end of the road
so where do we go from here? when every turn feels like a mistake
silence prevailing. a cold shouldered sign that you hate me
I’m tired of us fighting just lately, we’re too old to be doing this
the smile from your eyes becomes vacant and soulless. It ruins it
theres beauty in every wrinkle. that laugh from the cheekbones
the saccharine sweet tone of your honeyed voice makes me happy to be home
basking in these moments with you. unafraid cause we are us
it’s you making my heart thump, over a decade on. a statement to our love

[PancakeBrah]

Enjoyed this one, nice work.

[fraze]

Originally Posted by Diablo

i can,

finally breathe. exhale vape smoke in silent relief
used to find my release in a pack of loud to quiet the demons
blind to all feeling, numb to the touch. self-reflecting puddles of blood
hungry for something more than the existence I couldn’t give up.
don't love the slant rhymes in the opening bar but you make it work. nice multies and closing lines are dope
trust me I would given the chance, but opportunities scarce
the bruises we wear are badges for those who come through it prepared
blue as the air gets turned by a stubbed toe on the dresser
now we’re both under pressure, walking around hopeless as ever
badges line is fire. like the effortless rhymes.
coping’s a mechanism many tried but only few have mastered
unilateral contusion damage. yet to find it’s you that matters
the most. grab me my coat off the peg
home is the bed you lay in, spent last night on the sofa instead
nice rhymes here. like the continuation flow. concepts a little simple but still cool
emotional wrecking ball. mace hanging where my heart should be
part of me wondering if I should fold my cards and leave. half asleep
with a crooked neck. up I get and head to the kitchen
place my hand down next to the dishes we never did finish
nice call back to sleeping on the sofa to crooked neck. like the around the house tie ins, coming back to a theme makes this section more effective.
cold remnants still with us. something like the love that we shared
a couple who rarely serve up anything but looks of despair
under the glare of expectation. resentful and cold
emptied emotionally. feels like the last beer at the end of the road
like the way you set up the home leading into the couple. gives this section more impact without needing to spell out all the details
so where do we go from here? when every turn feels like a mistake
silence prevailing. a cold shouldered sign that you hate me
I’m tired of us fighting just lately, we’re too old to be doing this
the smile from your eyes becomes vacant and soulless. It ruins it
nice flows, like the emotion conveyed and the way youre building tension
theres beauty in every wrinkle. that laugh from the cheekbones
the saccharine sweet tone of your honeyed voice makes me happy to be home
basking in these moments with you. unafraid cause we are us
it’s you making my heart thump, over a decade on. a statement to our love
nice heartfelt flourish to close the verse. like the tone switch in contrast with the previous few stanzas, it gives the final notes a bigger impact

Well written piece. It started out more free flowing but was slowly building towards a point in the background that all came together in the second half of the verse. Have a lot of strong technical elements when it comes to rhyme, solid wording, and a good mix of themes to keep readers interested. Appreciate you dropping this, one of my favorite recent OM pieces.

[Wise Wiggles]

Beer at the end of the road..
Nice vision there..
Related to a lot of this
Keep your heart up