WEEK EIGHT: TIMELESS (1-3) vs ADVERSE (2-2) TIMELESS WINS 3-0

[Adverse]

AOWL Season X WEEK EIGHT

@timeless


Verse Due: FRIDAY MAY 27TH @ 11:59PM

Line min: 10

Max: 40


Rules: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=150311

Topic:




GOOD LUCK

[timeless]

Check

[timeless]

Ext por favor

[timeless]

2028 was the year that mankind finally left Earth in search of better sanctuary.
On the 12th day of April, 9 brave souls sold their rights to the devil's secretary.
They advanced in a hurry, buckled in quick and the leader turned the ignition on.
Tossed his cigar out of the cockpit window and shouted, "Lets get this mission on!"
Edwin Musk was the speaker, the leader of the tribe traveling into the dark.
A man thats always battling with his heart, pacing trying to gather all of his thoughts.
I'm not speaking on planes or automobiles, we're talking about fucking rocketships.
The man of the hour. Ready to roll and ready to bounce just to adjust his stocks in this.
"I'll be back!" He said, "I'm just going out for milk, cigs and some pills."
Leaving the crew scared, ready to launch without Ed signaling behind the wheel.
I grabbed him by the collar, "Wait, focus! You already started the launch sequence!"
Before I could barely finish the sentence, us being on Earth still was a false pretense.
The rocket left in a hurry, no one kicked and screamed more than the man in the driver's seat.
Babbling on and on about losing the actual captain. "Should've never fired Keith!"
I coursed his direction to the left and I flipped the switch into autopilot.
Acted like I was freaking out too, but I remained calmed and paused the riot.
Once the ship was in control, captain Ed was amazed with his driving capabilities.
At one point he said, "I have ultimately superior space-blimp flying abilities!"
Convinced he was drunk, I asked "You're doing great, sir, how long until we find Mars?"
With a look of the fear in his eyes he replied, "I don't know, but, buy a Test-uh! It is a fine car."
Days turned to weeks, weeks into months and we began to see the reddest of light.
Captain Ed's GPS had warned us that our destination would be up ahead on the right.
Autopilot or not, he was enamored with every move he had made to arrive here.
The greatest pilot of the universe award goes to the man who steadily supplied fear.
The ship pointed downward and the computer advised us to gear up and strapped us all in.
Ed downed what was left of his captain, and Morgan downed the last of her Jim.
We smashed in through the atmosphere and smoke-screened our way through the skies.
Ready to land, we brace for impact with a mindset like we just assume we'll die.
Like a glove, the spaceship tucked us right in between a sandpit and a low bluff.
"Well, atleast I got us here ." I laughed and implied that we needed a tow truck.
"You may be right. Hold on, let me see if I have any reception on my iphone."
Told him he probably needed to step outside into the current duststorm and cyclones.
As the door opened, the storm was painting the sky with beams of bright lights.
We were all in awe, and all in all we feared that our eye's sight had been dyed white.

Captain Ed the wise, strapped with his Tec-9..
..lunged outside and was abducted immediately by aliens.
We watched his body soar into the abyss of the red skies.
I said, "Fuck this shit, let's beat feet, haul ass and leave him here!"

...to be continued.

[Adverse]

Nightmares Never Die

“Let’s get one thing straight” my letter header would read
You’re an icon, a legend, something that I never could be
You’re a whole different pedigree, I’m no successor to your legacy
But even so you took me in and attempted to make an apprentice of me
Funny how we started on bad terms,
But while keeping my enemy close I developed a fascination
Because you act with brazen, and never hid behind a mask like Jason
I used to watch you in awe, was just a snot nosed kid then
They say I developed all the symptoms of Stockholm syndrome
it’s all just a nightmare, I’m trying to act like I’m not a victim
But I genuinely enjoyed every minute of being your assistant so the plot still thickens
I was nobody, I was nothing until you invaded my dreams
That all changed when you came on the scene, in your domain I’m a queen
Evil incarnate, from the death of Jesus to your bladed thesis
The plagues of Egypt, a carrier of Cain’s greatest disease
You changed the game and the whole concept of what make believe is


It’s been 12 years since your last words, did it end all the hurt?
Luckily though I’ve found fun and inventive ways to continue your work
Remember Timothy? The one who wanted to be an astronomer since birth?
Well I got him on a rocket ship but he didn’t think of the consequences first
As soon as he hit the stratosphere the engine failed, stalled and it spurt
I taught him humility through gravity in his long fall to the earth
And Ethan Gray? The one who was OBSESSED with Phoebe Cates!?
Piece of cake, I snapped my fingers and got him an easy lay
But I had a hell of a trick up my sleeve in wait
Imagine his expression when her pussy grew teeth n started to eat his face
See, I learned that philosophy from you, stacking up the bodies is cool
But we have an audience to entertain so I add in the comedy, too
Still I hope make you proud when you look up from the fiery crevice of hell
The only thing I regret about my crimes is you couldn’t do them yourself


Sending you a kite...
It would drive anyone psychotic walking down the path I’ve trodden
But I can never turn back, I’m too far gone my past is forgotten

Thank you for everything you’ve done for me
Sincerly yours,
- Nancy Thompson

Ps: Nightmares Never Die

[Mike Wrecka]

Interesting battle here.

Timeless- I usually don’t like narrative verses that use a comedic tone to drive the story along. They usually end up being not funny and too goofy to be taken seriously. You actually, for the most part, avoid that here. I enjoyed the humor and the story kept me engaged. I do wish that you would have been able to incorporate a more complex rhyme scheme but you had a pretty good use of multis to offset that. Also you shouldnt have left off with the to be continued, made it feel unfinished. Overall it’s a fun verse that I really liked. Great job.

Adverse- you broke your piece into two sections and the second part is noticeably better than the first. . The first part is very basic and you fell into some end rhymes that never work out well and are used by beginners. legacy, apprentice of me , never could be. Those are to be avoided at all costs because it comes off way too elementary. I. The second section you picked up some steam. I’m assuming they were two different writing sessions and you had a better vibe going for the second. This part of the verse was a lot better. BUT it still lacked something for the most part. Overall the story was engaging however. And it was an enjoyable read that had a good tone. I read it twice and had fun doing so. Last verse I read from you was quite a bit superior to this though.

Mvgt- Timeless

[NYCSPITZ]

This is my favorite timeless verse. Tesla ode was clever, morgan/jack line was cool, ending was cool. Action packed and interesting throughout. Few things were off to me; one of them being that they arrive at mars RIGHT after they leave earth. You only had one line explaining (days turned into months) and one sort of clever yet glib line in the interim. I would’ve liked to see some space dialogue or introspection/action.

Adverse I thought it was cool but not your best tbh. I felt like timeless brought his force full throttle and you were sleepwalking through a key at lunch break during work. End of your first stanza stands out as a dope three line section to me, as for the rest it was good but not as good as timeless this week. Felt more like a schtick than an attempt at the league chip. I would love to see a savage verse from you at some point

V/ timeless

[Master Rock]

Timeless you verse was cool and playful ... But not really my style but it was quite cohesive and clean. Adverse this verse seemed like someone else was writing it at certain areas and this did not seem like you typically style...it was a bit predictable and novice at times...where I was left to scratch my head and try to figure out what went wrong? But and the second half I started to see you brilliance shine a bit more. Anyways...upon second read I giving it to timeless based on a higher reading level. I thought I was going to give to Adverse but I couldn't get past the basic vocab at certain parts.