Chuck-e-Cheese's ballpit synchronicities

veritas · 09-13-2013, 01:36 PM

Perilous positions perpetrated, precluded by foolishness,
Ego elevating exacted its exclusive uselessness.
Excuses oozed their smooches smooth as lubed masseuses
Yet with the Ruthlessness of noob’s and rube’s fruitlessness
Violations against friends and kin, selfish subterfuge
Placing bets you’ll win with poison until the shellfishes guts will ooze
Schmooze when needed, get weeded, and get you that gut from booze
The clues all exceeded the defeated from the heathen’s subtle ruse
Dues paid, sell your soul for office seat cellulite
Crews raped in the fold, as darkness scarred the bright
Fake plated in gold, a bargain shard of fell tonight
You forsaken their hold? Yet starving for their spells to blight?
Conclusions causal a priori, the mind will boggle from it’s 13th story
Don’t try and metaphor me, else I tell you why a freebird beaks the quarry
Be in It only for God’s glory, this is absurd to those with world worry
This is seeking truth through learning from mistakes, even though I embraced it poorly.

Wise Wiggles · 09-13-2013, 01:56 PM

up until that crews raped part was sick

the lubed masseuse.. Mmmm ,

Nice read.

PancakeBrah · 09-13-2013, 08:42 PM

Alliteration is a weak writing tool unless it's just to prove a point as a gimmick.

"Excuses oozed their smooches smooth as lubed masseuses
Yet with the Ruthlessness of noob’s and rube’s fruitlessness
Violations against friends and kin, selfish subterfuge
Placing bets you’ll win with poison until the shellfishes guts will ooze"

Dope. I like the use of 'rube'. Underused word, it's fun as fuck. You know that. Say it out loud. Rube. Great. I liked the second couplet more, but this was a fun escalator ride.

"Dues paid, sell your soul for office seat cellulite
Crews raped in the fold, as darkness scarred the bright"

The best bar in terms of content. I relate.

This is one of the few open mic's you've written were I've gotten the message/point. Not coincidentally, I enjoyed this the most of anything I've read from you. Aside from the beginning alliteration, I enjoyed it all the way through.

09-13-2013, 01:56 PM	#2
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	up until that crews raped part was sick the lubed masseuse.. Mmmm , Nice read. __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

09-13-2013, 08:42 PM	#3
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	Alliteration is a weak writing tool unless it's just to prove a point as a gimmick. "Excuses oozed their smooches smooth as lubed masseuses Yet with the Ruthlessness of noob’s and rube’s fruitlessness Violations against friends and kin, selfish subterfuge Placing bets you’ll win with poison until the shellfishes guts will ooze" Dope. I like the use of 'rube'. Underused word, it's fun as fuck. You know that. Say it out loud. Rube. Great. I liked the second couplet more, but this was a fun escalator ride. "Dues paid, sell your soul for office seat cellulite Crews raped in the fold, as darkness scarred the bright" The best bar in terms of content. I relate. This is one of the few open mic's you've written were I've gotten the message/point. Not coincidentally, I enjoyed this the most of anything I've read from you. Aside from the beginning alliteration, I enjoyed it all the way through. __________________ Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder