WEEK 4: JESODIST 0-0 vs MASTER ROCK 1-2 MASTER ROCK WINS

[Adverse]

AOWL Season IX
@JESODIST @Master Rock


Verse Due: Friday December 11th @ 11:59PM EST


Line min: 10

Max: 50


Rules:http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=145451[/b]

Topic:



Good luck!

[Master Rock]

Check.

[Adverse]

Yooo @JESODIST check in or I’m replacing you with Scar

[JESODIST]

Freestyle 12:45
Mr. Man enjoyed watching the Kid Embalm
Dem glitches sitting, Still be Calm
As your lifted by a Filthy Palm
Mechanical Fusion
Programming for Automatic Pollution
Some like those that edit Life Marks? get multiple scars in the Ass like Damsels for Prostitution
Kept in Secret, by occultist, Straight Apparel off Constitution, without Retribution
A world of sims await, recruitment with just one gate to the next Red Evolution
No blood just chemical minds moving like mimes grooving so at any given day the crime is improving
Take a side caz to Every one buying online it will be Soothing, they shift, like pollen adrift but Distinctly Groowing
Do it for us as we torture your cables
Till a heavenly soldier enables
Breaking MY hand or jaw like Angel Gabriel without Ancient Fables, Above the Tables
One clear message carried along from a majestic
Dove into Stables
The rest is ashes, every garment Crashes over heating in rapids leaking freaky acids, Lamenting the private true intention that the Ruby Stashes
A 5th brain that never Washes
After all no one can stick if his whole body was covered in slimy Itchy Rashes
So this mender daily present bender is a President Spender to evident Defender with all in timed like it was JanEmber/January December's, no Irrelevant Lender
1:04
:) Hey

[Master Rock]

I could tell you my story, but somehow you'll never really know with it means
I'm inching towards the last page of the reem
happy ever after? the curtain call, end of the stage scened?
behold the truth within my eye, but in my heart is where the tears reside
she was once by my side, I was the shoulder that she cried on
now a part of me is gone, I agonize in this forever? and for how long...
I groomed myself for my bride, in our own world we dance... intertwined
our stars collide, her sparks ignited me from the inside
she whispered me sweet nothings until I closed my eyes,
upon awaking I was met with despair's surprise
You're gone, but faintly your essence echoes, I hold on to your presence, and I just can't let go
my whole world turned upside down, I wondered where did you go?
Is this really the conclusion that needs to unfold?
I'm lost your warmth,.. I feel the cold..
creeping in, now I'm trapped with inside my delusions...they start to spin
I'm not sure how I got here or where I been.. since this dark cloud has got me pinned
Through the corner of my eye, I glimpsed at death's grin
shadow of my dreams, I fight till very the last of my breath.. grim
I'm breaking apart, unraveling from my seams, I'm taking gasps for air in between
I fall down hanging by my strings
while hearing the sweet faintness of angels as they start to sing
I feel the wind from the flapping of their glorious wings
the light glistening... radiating from their golden rings
I'm comforted by the embrace that your weightlessness brings
amongst other things, I feel a grasp from the sky
El Shaddai
reeling me in, divine identities cleanse me from where I been
your light starts to peek in, your soul is what I'm seeking
through the mist I see your reflection leaking
so I let go until forever we dreaming

[Scar]

:(

[Diablo]

This was a somewhat tough topic on one hand, but instantly adaptable to a few different scenarios in my opinion. My first thought was some sort of dystopian future type epic around a theme of robotic engineering. I’m a horror fan so the idea of Chucky or even Black Devil Doll From Hell came to mind for me pretty quickly when I see this. I then looked at it a bit deeper and the idea of something like natural selection came to mind as a possibility, there’s the obvious love tropes about selecting the wrong one but I think I would have steered clear of that personally, I think a combination of my natural selection idea and a world-building story epic to do with the dystopian robotic future is the path I may have tread here as it opened it up to a lot of visual imagery outside what’s seen in the image while still giving scope to really build a storytelling verse around what’s there, a central character, with an impetuous or conflict at its heart. Let’s see how you guys did...


Jesodist: This wasn’t bad for a keystyle, however quick, I’m a fan of multi strings and rhyme schemes etc but this wasn’t up to your usual standard of Open Mic drops I have to say. I felt there were areas where you appeared on the same path as I would have opted for, but others where I felt you perhaps strayed away from the topic itself for want of a rhyme. It weaves back and forth between the two points, maybe lacking a little in direction itself due to your execution, the quest for rhymes almost derailed your verse to an extent as you sought out one over the other when a safer option may have been to put the content first and have the rhymes almost as an afterthought here. I think some may be lost in translation as I don’t believe English is your first language, and for that I give you props as you use multies better than some English speakers here. Fact.

A world of sims await

I thought this was a really nice idea put forth in so few words.

For a submission in under 20 minutes I don’t think this was all bad. I always those able to write quickly and the fact you’re willing to submit something wrote so fast says a lot about your belief in your abilities.


Master Rock - I enjoyed the flow of your piece, that was really front and centre here of your verse as I read it aloud, having the instrumental posted also helped in that regard. Your verse sure had more clarity in what you were trying to do, maybe less from a technical standpoint in terms of mechanics and rhyme scheme etc but definitely the more readily digestible. There were a few sections that I could loosely attribute to the image provided such as

she was once by my side, I was the shoulder that she cried on

I hold on to your presence, and I just can't let go

Both of which brought out the emotion in your verse I thought. It used the image more as an extended metaphor for a love(r) lost which a lot of us will relate to. I think on this occasion a combination of both the emotional tie-in’s and metaphorical storyline won me over where I would usually opt for the more technical finesse. That’s what decided it for me. Jesodist was more style over substance when what he needed to do here is reign that in and deliver something digestible, which is exactly what Master Rock did, so I’m going against it what I would usually prefer here and give this to Master Rock.

[MMLP]

Jedi – somethings better than nothing haha, always intrigued with a keystyle from personal preference, it also shows how good or just how bad someone is and this wasn’t bad… it’s certainly beatable tho, that’s the problem!
damsels for prostitution, punch made me LOL
“without Retribution
A world of sims await, recruitment with just one gate to the next Red Evolution
No blood just chemical minds moving like mimes grooving so at any given day the crime is improving
Take a side caz to Every one buying online it will be Soothing, they shift, like pollen adrift but Distinctly Groowing”
disregarding the flow aspect, this part was really good, u can tell some rust was shaken off by this point, the more u went on. Ending was meh, needed an impact to hold up, that’s where this will stutter overall.
s/o for timing it and displaying the time laps






roc – pressures on now, you have to beat a keystyle, right? haha lets proceed
purely nit picking, im sure u spelt reams wrong unless it’s a Englander thing, long line followed from a short line, sticks out layout wise but it somehow conjoined quite nicely, odd that!
good steady pace, nice transitioning about a third of the way through and internals don’t slip by me, hard to do!
About 2 thirds in, best ive seen of you, gathering good momentum towards the end, just had to throw that in
“shadow of my dreams, I fight till very the last of my breath.. grim
I'm breaking apart, unraveling from my seams, I'm taking gasps for air in between
I fall down hanging by my strings
while hearing the sweet faintness of angels as they start to sing
I feel the wind from the flapping of their glorious wings
the light glistening... radiating from their golden rings” – dope, all ties in
Yeah rock got this comfortably in truth for obvious reasons, more attention paid intricately throughout, one of the better ones

[Universe]

JESODIST:

First of all, no one cares that it's a "freestyle", don't even mention that. There is no such thing anyway in text. That said, decent rhyming displayed here, loosely based on the topic, I suppose. Would've liked to see an actual story though...

I don't know, it was cool and all but seemed very thrown together and didn't really have much impact to me, in a topical sense.

Good effort though, just focus more on story in the future. You have the ability to flip a topic into something worth reading, for sure.



Master Rock:

Very cool piece here. Poetic and metaphorical. Loved the descriptions of being raised up into the sky. This had an emotional component to it that your opponent lacked. You put it more of an effort and it showed.

"behold the truth within my eye, but in my heart is where the tears reside"

"my whole world turned upside down, I wondered where did you go?
Is this really the conclusion that needs to unfold?
I'm lost your warmth,.. I feel the cold..
creeping in, now I'm trapped with inside my delusions...they start to spin..."

- Vivid descriptions here. Loved this.


Overall this was as good as your first week's piece, if not slightly better. Enjoyed the read and you clearly won in my eyes.

Vote - Master Rock

[Mr. J]

Jesodist, I can't tell if I've already read this or your works are just bleeding together, I enjoy how you strung your rhymes together here, but upon reflection I wonder if you even had the topic in mind, one second I was focused on how things were internally to how things are around me in an existential sense, which was cool but I feel the thread missed the needle here and the crafting collapsed upon itself.

Rock, this was on some other level shit, I don't know if you just been holding back the past few weeks but this was up to par with some of the other writers here and makes the reading worthwhile, 2/3rds of the way you really picked it up and brought it home with the focus on the topic and made the read enjoyable.

V/ decent battle here, I thought both writers brought their style here and delivered what was needed to make this worth reading, jesodist is known for stringing some craziness here and with some proper focus I'm sure he'd be a threat, as for Rock he's really shining now and making his mark on the league. In the end I feel like Rock swept this out under Jeso's feet. Gotta give it to Rock

[Candy]

jes:
main this was my style the whole way.. alot fluid based movement for such a lil key where you managed to move a couplet or so of substance which gave the piece enough to be interesting.. i did enjoy it thanks for the ride..

m:
the grasp of your dream with the drag makes you not notice the breath that would have been made to make it even though you point it out.. thats how you write.. the vocab and style itself was dope.. the story as subtle as it is was cool.. your added beat suited and all in all a dope piece..

vote = master rock

just a more thorough verse with alot more substance with their dream capturing and what have you