WEEK TWO: UNIVERSE 1-0 vs HUSH 1-0 UNIVERSE WINS VIA NO SHOW OPEN FOR FEED

[Adverse]

AOWL Season IX

@Universe @Hush

Verse Due: Saturday November 21st @ 11:59PM EST



Line min: 10

Max: 50


Check ins: 48 hours after thread post


Rules:http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=145451[/b]

Topic:

[/CENTER]

[Universe]

Well hello there, Hush. Welcome to my world... :)

Check.

[Hush]

Lol word

Don’t go 400 lines pls

[Universe]

Afloat

"I'm not crying because of you; you're not worth it. I'm crying because my delusion of who you were was shattered by the truth of who you are." - Steve Maraboli

......

Boston Harbor Islands - 1954

Hibernation's over... I'm out at sea trying to stay afloat
Driving this makeshift boat near the approximate drop location zone
The sky opened up like therapy; the sun's rays just glowed
Grey-ish smoke billowed out as my prey crashed to the waves below
My ankle stowed a vibration... but the symptom isn't known
Looking through the window to the soul is only simple when it's closed
The latest nav system put me over the point of impact
The angel’s wings were destroyed; I actually recoiled when they flapped
It was trapped face down, sputtering - the strangest bubbles came up
I watched something fall from its agape jaw but I couldn't say what...
Je ne sais pas.... Excuse my french - I fell victim to the hell I live in
I hauled the angel on deck, then stomped its chest to expel the liquid
It yelled and quivered, pondering how something inferior trapped it
Fearing the reaction, I quickly dragged it to the interior cabin
Tied up this sacrificial lamb; I've yet to question God's rulings once
These beatings mean peace for humanity, the one thing He truly loves
He dumps his evil seeds in the sea every six months to appease me
This hunt is easy, but seeing isn't necessary when it comes to believing
I freed its wings, then pulled my knife and sliced them repeatedly
No hiding the feeble screams; maybe this time I'll finally see it bleed...
Then came the wail of some machine, like a blade through a throat
Raining down blows, I pushed the angel down low and taped its mouth closed
I raced outside, where I noticed a lighthouse on the horizon
A dark reminder that you’ll never find out just how your time ends...
A bald man stood ashore smiling, he said, "That boat has formed a cradle"
Followed by, "I'm just making sure you don't go overboard, Azazel..."
I asked, "Am I not entitled to my fun?" like a cynic with no animosity
"Of course you are," he said, "But there are limits to my generosity..."
The angel got the drop on me... My mistake was leaving it for dead
I was full of immediate regret when it injected a needle in my neck
Nothing had meaning and yet, this angel is without a halo forever
My low perspective showed its feathers were hastily sewn together (huh?)
I glanced at my pant leg - ankle bracelets of this sort seemed fairly new
Memory repaired its roots; that grey billow of smoke became a parachute
No more delusions; Bubbles under water was peaking pressure vapor
The sea did me no favors; What fell from its mouth was a breathing regulator
Truth was being saved for later; Clearly I had been deceived
The angel's lapel read, 'Doctor'; The eyes will see what the mind believes
Got handcuffed and screamed, "C'mon doc', slaying angels means survival!"
I was taken to my rival - The bald man on the dock awaiting my arrival
I shut my eyes quick... recalling memories is what they're asking for
But I can't ignore the sign that read, 'Shutter Island - Psychiatric Ward'
The bald man was Doctor Cawley, there's no straws to be grasping at
He said, "We let you live your fantasies, in hopes you'd see they're exactly that..."
"But you make progress then relapse; it's never been a secret"
"I guess with mental paraplegics... more drastic measures will be needed..."
I heard, "Who's on deck?" "Andrew Laeddis" Ah, the experiment gets deeper
The lesser evil begets a prequel... I guess he's the second feature
Doctor Cawley said, "No cuffs for Laeddis, I don't want him arresting people"
"Now get a hold of Lester Sheehan..."

"And prep the boat for the next procedure..."

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iF95pJaGasE

[Objective]

Hush kept hush this time around, don't fret, I gotchu!

Cool quote, let's see how this ties in with your piece.

FUCK YEAH! I was getting mad Shutter Island vibes 6-8 lines before you mentioned it.

This story from beginning to end was a rollercoaster, a good one at that. Incredibly well strung together and I love how the transition from his delusions are explained and done well enough for it to feel natural as you follow the course of the story. You managed to tie in 2-3 twists in a single story without it feeling forced or redundant. I think your pen game is elevating further, dope shit!

[MMLP]

first of all one neg, im always put off by the layout of your pieces hahaha but in isolation, the verse, man youre such a great storyteller, top level progression and pace to your stuff, technically proficient, natural smooth easy reads, great content I could go on but I aint clicking no links LOOOL and reading set ups. Its hard to produce such a long verse and have it work and engaging throughout, few ppl can do it, im pretty sure I cant lol!
The shutter island aspect caught me off guard, honestly ive only read about the film rather than seen it, I know the characters and overall arc etc.. so there may have been things going over my head here. I know enough about it that the bald man turning out to be the dr cawley for example, I enjoyed that twist, ironically adding a metaphorical layer to this, I imagine this wasn’t the first and last one…. the verse will resonate with most, I must be one of the only few ppl to have not seen it start to finish. that aside this would still beat most verses ive seen up to now. You’re the one to beat. Youll champ the league on this form, so please sign out ahahahahaha

[Adverse]

Honestly have never seen Shutter Island so the tie-in didn’t mean a whole lot to me other than being a cool pop culture reference. But from the other guys say that have seen it then you tied it in well with the movie. Also from what I’ve heard about it you’ve done a great job of capturing the mystery that the film portrays. But as a stand-alone story this was great as well, you’re definitely in tip top form. The imagery of hunting angels on this sea quest was a really cool take where I believe the safe approach would of been writing from the perspective of a fallen angel but that’s what I like about your writing is you definitely take these picture topics and juice them until you get a brand new interpretation. “The clouds opened up like therapy” was an awesome visual. You construct this world just for the ending to come and the doctors rip down everything you’ve established. It was really dope sorry you got no showed but this was the only one this week.

[Concrete]

This is quite intriguing story-telling from beginning to end.
The narrative as a whole is ill. I like how you lucidly illustrated the part of
slaying the angel - both from a descriptive perspective and also the fact of instead of going for tropes such as facing an inner demon.
Also the little hints ala "The sky opened up like therapy" adds more depth and finesse to the piece, inviting the reader to speculate in clean thriller fashion.
The back and forth between delusion and reality was also cleverly done, pretty out there yet cohevise within the context of the out there story.
The characters are portayed as much as they needed here, another strong point.
Technically it's pretty much all solid, so overall this is probably the most impressive verse this round. Too bad it was no-showed.
I've seen similar writtens but the story itself feels very fresh, even if it's inspired by a classic movie.
So yeah, props here and I know what movie I'm gonna put om my rewatch list.

[Pharaohs Army]

Ill stuff. I did see the movie.
You're a good storyteller with top notch mechanics. Tough to beat. Nice piece.