Untitled

[Gunzo]

[Broken Free
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.
Listen
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Most days when I am wasted, I get a grip of my COFFEE CUP||
Reminiscing while i wait, for what the machine SLOWLY POPS||

Deep down I may seem happy, but I'm bedded in a BODY OF WORK||
This chap once had a dream, now his thoughts are CLEARLY BERSERK||

Just hope of you get the picture of my METAPHORICAL SELF||
I been hearing voices in my head, asking why do you OVER TORTURE YOURSELF||

They go on and on and on, preaching to me about ETERNAL LOVE||
Saying, it's high time I take a chill pill and keep those ARSENALS SHOVED||

Atlas i have broken free, I adhere for a BETTER NAME||
Cos it's pointless gaining all them dimes and still move around like a man with a BATTERED FRAME||

DahtKeed
YungGunz
-1-

[Adverse]

Thought this could have been more thought out. Your flow would be helped out by some multi syllable rhymes imo. Just the bars didn’t feel like they were connecting from one to the other. I mean it rhymes for the most part but isn’t strong as it could be. The first bar didn’t rhyme at all either but the subject matter you dealt with was relatable so kudos for that, keep working

[Gunzo]

Thanks man, I appreciate

[Objective]

Enjoyed the content for sure, heartfelt shit. However, the execution could have been polished a bit more.

Example:
Atlas i have broken free, I adhere for a BETTER NAME||
Cos it's pointless gaining all them dimes and still move around like a man with a BATTERED FRAME||
^The idea and content is dope but the stretched line at the very end could probably have been shortened down A LOT with better wording, and that would have helped your flow tremendously as well.

Thanks for sharing & keep elevating your game. Don't think I've seen you around before. If you're new: welcome to NCs.

[Gunzo]

Thanks chief