Week IV: Mr. J vs Ender[MR. J WINS]

[Inno]

Season 8

Verses are due FRIDAY at 11:59

Voting ends MONDAY at 11:59

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words

Voting on 3 battles is required.


Topic: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=126253

@Mr. J vs @Ender


Goodluck!

[Ender]

Check.

[asylum]

@Mr. J

[Ender]

Hail to the Chief
When truth is denied can reality survive?
Lies, obscuring clarity, multiply and thrive
And find a parity with the actual brass tacks
A world where your opinion is equally as valid as my fact
Ignoring proof, repeating fibs... is it clever?
“Now, the (inauguration) audience was the biggest ever”
Repetition of falsity does more than help it spread
The lie can become an illusory truth in our head

Untruth fed had led to a grave schism
The rising divide widened by racism
Some subtle, just ‘othering’ us into non-white packs
‘The Hispanics’, ‘The Muslims’ and of course ‘The Blacks’
So it’s easier to attack a group for the actions of one
So all black guys are drug dealers and act with a gun
But some bigotry is obvious and right in your face
As if from olden days, more than a slight disgrace
Like questioning the President on his country of birth
And refusing to disavow the KKK before ‘doing more research’
When protesters went up against the KKK, a protester died
But hey, take comfort, there “were very fine people on both sides”
But not African Americans, as there’s something the race lacks
“It’s probably not his fault because laziness is a trait in blacks”

But hate with no tact is not the only danger
Our ship is being captained by a mental teenager
With no parental figure to keep things in check
Unleashed thoughts are leading towards shipwreck
It can be funny, to linger on the ravings of this glutton
But just remember who has their finger on the button
Arguing who has the ‘bigger button’ with a loon
You wouldn’t believe this as a plotline in a cartoon
Claiming to be a ‘stable genius’, it’s insanely wild
You would call this childish even if it came from a child!
When it comes to women…. well, a tad pushy
“They’ll let you do anything. Grab them by the pussy”

The saddest part, our national divide
Choose a side and follow blind, along for the ride
Black or white, or maybe it’s blue or red
Who cares what’s right, I believe whatever the guy on my side said
Impossible to discuss, impossible to debate
A changed mind is weakness, everyone’s stuck in place
“But the leader is incompetent, doesn’t that trouble you?”
“Your tears taste delicious, so suck it SJW!”
I don’t cry though, no lasting damage done yet
No promises kept, no wall-based crippling national debt
I still have healthcare, no Muslim register made
All that’s happened is the richest got even more paid

But what of 2020? I’ll tell you the greatest of my fears
“All he needs to fulfil his promises is FOUR MORE YEARS!”



"Picture from Innovator's Google Drive, of Putin in front of burning White House"

[Mr. J]

The jig is up, dont shoot the messenger
find the mending where the lesson stirs.
arguing back & forth, who to censor first
you slimy bastard I hope you met your worth.
The jester slurs, back flips, Tae bo, eyes closed.
tell me if you know what I know..
Mockingbird sing & you thinking...high...low?
penetrate ya perch, ya porch, ya little eye hole.
Hello, paint ya portrait perfectly as I stroll...
past the pheasants, pass the peasants my bowl.
spark that purple power, giggle & say bye holmes
any perp caught dont gotta be Sherlock to say I know..
get ya picture in the paper portraying over pipes blown.
any person in my presence is getting their pie broke.
ya picked the wrong day to take this stride home.
put you in your place where parents pry ya hole..
picture that...
its a memento for tomorrow, one that you can borrow.
let me get that developed, let me get that enlarged though..
In Memoriam...ahh I figured that would be far-fetched.
you about to get your shot wherever the stars stepped.
bet you were hoping & thought less. imagine that nonsense.
can you picture that nonsense? can you see it? God Bless.
picture that...
the man was an innovator when he gave me this strap.
look how they get laid out arriving safely gift wrapped.
should be a red light for ya exposure before it goes pitch black.
should go to the @asylum if I let them rise up with this strap.
now you know that I did that, frame me for this act.
& if you picked up on this you know bout that kickback.
picture that...

[King Ra.]

Greetings, gentlemen.

Interesting match up here. Two very different writing styles and I don't feel anyone clearly stood out from the other. But if there was one thing that I could take from both, I believe Ender's piece was more cohesive, safely written whereas Mr. J's approach was a bit more creative but could have been constructed better. I liked Ender presenting us with a subtle, straight forward piece about our President and some of the things that he has certainly brought out since becoming one. I mentioned earlier that his piece was "safely written" and what I mean is, he wasn't overly complex in presenting his idea and while it isn't the most creative of pieces you'll read, it's informative and I thought he did well in describing the many aspects of the President. Mr. J on the other hand, I felt he took the more creative approach, a hard, in your face type of story, as dictated by some of the lines like "the jig is up", "slimy bastard", "put you in your place". It's no doubt the flow in J's piece was cleaner and I did like his approach to the topic/image he chose and I wonder did he just fire shots at some of the other competitors in that last excerpt? BOOM. But the difference in this match for me is Ender had a much complete piece, whereas I felt J's piece started really coming together towards the end (starting from the "it's a memento line").

MVGT: Ender.

Good job gentlemen.

[Inno]

Ender: No idea which picture you were going for but I'm taking the description into account. Write some words up in the AOWL discussion chat thing and I'm sure someone will help you out.

That said tho, cool piece. Interesting and fueled with thoughts about the current state of US politics along with touching on several topics that are present today. Don't really have anything to add or take away from your verse, it just is what it is. A thorough piece touching on several subjects and closing it up with the terrifying thought that the orange goon will get another 4 years in office. In terms of the picture/topic you did a great job, cool take/twist to it all but I'd like to hear more about Putin's involvement since he's clearly in the pic you chose, or at least mentioned or touched more on the issues either him or Russia has been a part of to cover that part a little bit better as well.

Regardless of that, pretty cool piece.

Mr. J: Loved the atmosphere of your piece, felt this piece was a little bit more worked on than a few of your previous submissions so far in this tournament as well. You did the repetition thing really well without making ''picture that'' seem redundant or out of place, well done. You covered the topic of a madman with the gun really well and even took some shots at Asylum, lol .Overall you wrote a short and sweet piece nailing the topic with a story to follow.

MVGT Mr. J. Ender definitely had a pretty dope piece as well but it kind of lacked the story driven element in his piece to really tie the whole thing together, it needed a bit more character and perhaps a less obvious interaction with the topic at hand to drive it forward as well and make it even more interesting to read it. Maybe from the viewpoint of an activist going to protests with all of these things stuck in his/her head could have created that extra bit of depth the piece could have laid its foundation on to score some extra points and make it a little bit more interesting. If he had executed something like that it would have been a much tougher battle to vote on. Definitely a dope one to read tho, great showings from both.

[Inno]

ender
tbh I have a hella hard time with political pieces, so you gotta pull it back dope for me, sorry man. I see a bunch of quotes from trump, some "shit's going bad and he's a child" stuff. for what it was, it was okay, but I wish it had tied into the topic a lot more (sure, russian scandal etc. etc.).
dope line:

though maybe drop "my"? dunno. the flow in my head skipped it.
the last line was good too.
dunno, I just can't get into this type of verse, but it wasn't horrible.

mr j
I like being vague but sometimes your vagueness is verging on too poetic (not a bad thing, I'm down with it), but I do think it loses people when your opponent has a clearly structured verse and sticks to a non-vague topic.
anyways, let's see.
dope lines:

maybe the jester was a tie back to you but I didn't make the connection.
none-the-less, this line was cool to me.

just that single line was dope, the rest around it feels like it's... about smoking?
dunno, that line had a lot of potential to be expanded into something more topically definite
I liked the use of "picture that..." but the sort of vagueness (to me) came back hard.

all in all, the topic for ender was much more obvious and well defined.
at the moment, though, I'm feeling the poetics and that "paint ya portrait" line, so
mvgt mr j

[Inno]

Ender vs Mr J

Ender: This was a cool sort of "under the microscope" type look at the President and his actions. The flow is solid enough, I had no problems whatsoever with that regard. Technically it's fine. I don't know if you're aware of what multies are or not, but sometimes you appear to use them, others not, and at times I was caught in the middle because it seemed like they were a syllable or so out if you were trying to use them? I'm unsure. Anyway, this was a good look at the presidents clear misgivings and you didn't sit on the fence about your thoughts or fears LOL you made it quite clear you weren't a fan and I can't say I am either. It connected with me as a reader but iI guess overall it was just stating facts rather than offering up anything really "new" to me or making me think about it and that was the kicker here, it needed an edge. It needed something to make the reader think. It needed more than just those statements quoted, even if they were well inserted into the piece. That was the main sticking point I can see for some readers off bat as I read it. It had an idea in mind but the execution maybe didn't pay off like you had hoped this week.


Mr J: I enjoyed the read here, I too thought it was a pop shot at the leagues competitors which wouldn't be unlike you to do so and wouldn't be too far fetched given your Genocide antics recently LOL. I'm sure it's intentional. It has to be. You're the joker haha! Anyway, this piece had more to offer in more categories than Ender's verse this week. The flow was a notch higher, it read smoother, the technical merit had to give the nod your way, and it was cleaner and more concise and direct in what it set out to achieve. You're gunning for everyone in your sight (site?) and killing them one by one by whatever means necessary. Your words are literally weapons, offing people. It's quite literal and fun and often those tongue in cheek pieces are overlooked which is a shame. I've got Mr J winning here.