flesh

dead man · 10-19-2016, 08:12 PM

we've been here before

systemic boredom met with little recourse
anxious for more. more nervous than normal, hit the record
button up your collarbone & zip your velour
sip Coors and sit indoors. while opportunity knocks
there's always whiskey to pour. bricks to mortar, mucus and snot
salt droplets fine as feminine wiles. silky as scotch
ribbon and wine. sitting inside. porch-side fortress recluse
He who always finds something more important to do
ever resourceful. say true. let me open the door
leave your stories outside. your perspective distortion
any tokens of war. all your notion of self
place it all on the shelf and be at one with a room
silent static, resume. keep the windowsill shut
always taking blame and never giving a fuck
there was a time, not so long ago. i gave it a try
woke up at 5am and looked it straight in the eye
and stayed inside. felt the sunlight like a burning refrain
turning a phrase, articulating this absurdity. wait
give me a moment to breathe. let alone, let it be
gazed around us in wonder until it lowered the teeth
do re mi. here we are again, predictable joes
chopping block the 8-5 and living in homes
jump a cliff, swandive a rocky gorge to uncertain death
anything an audience could come to respect
put yourself against the molars of a solar distress
eat your heart out, everybody. eat my flesh.

Zen · 10-20-2016, 01:56 AM

Your wording is as meticulous as ever.

do re mi. here we are again, predictable joes
chopping block the 8-5 and living in homes
jump a cliff, swandive a rocky gorge to uncertain death
anything an audience could come to respect
^nice

CopyPat · 10-20-2016, 02:01 AM

Haha dope!!!

So classic. So dead.

Super smooth and relevant and honed.
You remind me of a good moustache.
Classy. With hints of bourbon and fine cigars. But still real enough to say words like fuck and not feel bad about it.

Ahaha. Best feed I've ever given. You are very welcome good sir

Split Eight · 10-21-2016, 07:42 AM

Bricks to mortar>>>

Wise Wiggles · 10-21-2016, 06:32 PM

Nice, lots of liquid
Highly relatable
Thanks for the view

big baby · 11-06-2016, 01:03 AM

i appreciate it. this was stellar. good writing. keep it moving. do you want my insight?

dead man · 11-06-2016, 08:45 AM

Sure

Mr. J · 11-08-2016, 12:31 PM

there's always whiskey to pour. bricks to mortar, mucus and snot
salt droplets fine as feminine wiles. silky as scotch
ribbon and wine. sitting inside. porch-side fortress recluse
He who always finds something more important to do
ever resourceful. say true.

^^^^^^^
that was nasty, I like this, not up to par with your usual though
I really enjoy the way you twist your rhymes around in the following line
like towards the beginning, that opening portion had me captivated.
towards the end you started to cool down & it brings about this morose feeling
which is dope. I really enjoy how you incorporate the use of a house as your overall metaphor.
still better than most stuff being dropped around here recently...keep it up

10-19-2016, 08:12 PM	#1
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	flesh we've been here before systemic boredom met with little recourse anxious for more. more nervous than normal, hit the record button up your collarbone & zip your velour sip Coors and sit indoors. while opportunity knocks there's always whiskey to pour. bricks to mortar, mucus and snot salt droplets fine as feminine wiles. silky as scotch ribbon and wine. sitting inside. porch-side fortress recluse He who always finds something more important to do ever resourceful. say true. let me open the door leave your stories outside. your perspective distortion any tokens of war. all your notion of self place it all on the shelf and be at one with a room silent static, resume. keep the windowsill shut always taking blame and never giving a fuck there was a time, not so long ago. i gave it a try woke up at 5am and looked it straight in the eye and stayed inside. felt the sunlight like a burning refrain turning a phrase, articulating this absurdity. wait give me a moment to breathe. let alone, let it be gazed around us in wonder until it lowered the teeth do re mi. here we are again, predictable joes chopping block the 8-5 and living in homes jump a cliff, swandive a rocky gorge to uncertain death anything an audience could come to respect put yourself against the molars of a solar distress eat your heart out, everybody. eat my flesh. __________________ Zack Wicks for president

10-20-2016, 02:01 AM	#3
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 708 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742225	Haha dope!!! So classic. So dead. Super smooth and relevant and honed. You remind me of a good moustache. Classy. With hints of bourbon and fine cigars. But still real enough to say words like fuck and not feel bad about it. Ahaha. Best feed I've ever given. You are very welcome good sir __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

10-21-2016, 06:32 PM	#5
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	Nice, lots of liquid Highly relatable Thanks for the view __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

11-06-2016, 08:45 AM	#7
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,485 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606679	Sure __________________ Zack Wicks for president

11-08-2016, 12:31 PM	#8
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	there's always whiskey to pour. bricks to mortar, mucus and snot salt droplets fine as feminine wiles. silky as scotch ribbon and wine. sitting inside. porch-side fortress recluse He who always finds something more important to do ever resourceful. say true. ^^^^^^^ that was nasty, I like this, not up to par with your usual though I really enjoy the way you twist your rhymes around in the following line like towards the beginning, that opening portion had me captivated. towards the end you started to cool down & it brings about this morose feeling which is dope. I really enjoy how you incorporate the use of a house as your overall metaphor. still better than most stuff being dropped around here recently...keep it up __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

10-20-2016, 01:56 AM	#2
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	Your wording is as meticulous as ever. do re mi. here we are again, predictable joes chopping block the 8-5 and living in homes jump a cliff, swandive a rocky gorge to uncertain death anything an audience could come to respect ^nice