Week 5: Symetrik vs. 2tripple0 (SYMETRIK WINS SHUTOUT 7-0))

[asylum]

Season 6

Verses are due SUNDAY 4/3 11:59 PST

Voting ends TUESDAY 4/5 11:59 PST

Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic:



Good luck to both participants. @symetrik (1-1) @2tripple0 (4-0)

[symetrik]

had a buddy that we nicknamed buckshot dandy,
neighborhood king with his princess when it struck her lovely fancy,
we joked he raised a peppermint 'cuz he only had that picture,
with her hanging off his shoulder while he leaned to try to kiss her

and her pink and white T ruffled to her tummy,
her head rush red but her eyes spoke simply that she loved her big dummy.
his face scrunched, making monkey noises at his little monkey girl.
lumberjack beard and tats… everyone would judge him in that funny world.

but out here, there's no time. we knew he loved her, and we knew he saved us.
a sudden shift in hearing and it's all dust. keep my chin tucked and mask up.
bunker cots are flimsy but they stop dirt.
such a greedy piece of fucking shit, why'd he need to reach it first…

it still hurts in liftoff. safety check. touchdown, and taxi.
I don't know what I wanted when we got home… but this… this was the last thing.
his brother stood solid. oak, like his niece. she noticed me but never spoke.
you know that moment when you refuse to cry, and it burns your throat?

trauma doc had handed me a note in wounded scrawl.
"hey. dying. dead? fuck it. get back home, stand tall,
and promise me nothing. meet her, and you'll see. I love her, and trust you. B.S."
she walked. i dropped. we met.

[2tripple0]

I be frosting sym you no tiger so don't act interested
When I witness an entire civil war and watch it pass by in minutes
Its an open archive test so the obsession of its life
Its considered late but leave you dead when he arrive
Still since your conatating your attainment of presence
Its like the fur on a cat every once in a while his coat remains in his sheds
And I know you ain't impressed and think I'm nothing to sweat
Bit I've got no clots and their ain't no twist in my dreds
I still screw you in like some bolts and nuts
So you just joining and claim your meaning much
Lmao roflmfao so heres ya crux symetrik lacking any definition
Since I got you like exhibit I'm allover ya like exhibition
The entire library dedicated to this pieces background
You likely to blackout so im keeping ya at bay and doing it hands down
Everything about these lines leaving you contemplating while my deep comments get passed round
Two different sites with a tale like a dagger
And I usually don't waste lines on guys like this fracture
Manufacture new original threads
So no stress u a friend bambino walking past dead endz
Tied a knot her blood still like an electrical plug
Gonna step out back while ya moms pass out from getting high and drunk
And call it strange but I cut to the chase like an umbilical chord
Ya and I realize background of it all made it sound irrelevant and bland
But how so? In only a few months we weren't even concerned with the same impression of the lesson at hand
So his existence seemed brief
Commander lieutenant leftenant chief
But you a string since I'm headed towards week six
And if there ain't nothing to fix then without even a flinch
I dispel you til ur feeling swell like you started to bruise
It wouldn't be tom since he changed into a ferry and I named it a European inter continental upscale cruise
You just mad cause I bubbled up ya lip and chipped ya tooth

[Just Write]

Sym, your piece confused me a little, it seemed like your character was a male but I'm pretty sure the person depicted in the picture is a woman, either way I actually enjoyed your piece for the most part, although bunker cots are not flimsy, actually pretty sturdy if you ask me :p also I've never felt a burning sensation in my throat when I tried not to cry. Also I believe if you took just a little bit more time re-reading your piece and addied/subtracted certain words this would have read much smoother, all in all good job on staying on topic, you can definitely improve but not bad overall


2trip,
Lol tf did I just read? Idk either but I rather enjoyed it.... just gunna put this out there, comma's can help your piece greatly, comma's are the difference between "helping your uncle jack, off a horse" and "helping your uncle jack off a horse"... they make a big difference. As far as the content went.. I enjoyed it but literally have no idea where it ties into the topic.. it was more of a bravado piece, and while I enjoyed some parts (first couple lines were my fav) I just don't think it related to the topic enough for me personally.


Mvgt= symetrik for imo a more solid take on the topic

[Mr. J]

Sym, Im unsure if you knew that that soldier is a lady
it really messes with the story...but I made it through safely
I edited it in my head as I went along & accepted the plot
some of it was hit & miss but I enjoyed the peppermint spot
I noticed how you tried to add depth to your character
you tried to make her down to earth by trying to embarrass her
well...him, either way you had a nice flow at certain points
perhaps you knew you didnt have to do much to earn the joy....
the joy being the win, the win being the joy & so on & so forth
aside from a few weird lines. you wrote a verse I could go for...

2tripple0, I cant believe you made me read this verse
I mean the plot of it all is almost so mean...it hurts
perhaps you thought you were battling in the NBL?
regardless after reading half the verse I dont see this ending well
I mean...I laughed but that doesnt earn you brownie points
its no longer the 1st so why you trying to clown me boy?
after the praise in the mag I thought you'd battle a champ you yoohoo
but this was an off-putting attempt to earn my stamp of approval...


v/Symetrik, dun dun dahhhh could it be more obvious?
2tripple0 wanted to battle this week & showed his cockiness
which was interesting for about half the verse but come on...
Symetrik wrote about a man, which is funny how it comes off
I enjoyed his verse more because he stuck to the topic
while PP ran in with a crazed look & tried to win outta pocket
regardless I thought this was interesting & deserves more votes
nice work fellas...I enjoyed it all

[e11even]

Sym- I liked the angle you took on this topic. You painted all backstory while still allowing the picture to have the starring role. I really liked how you ended it too. I had to read it like three times to get everything that was laid out, but this was nice to me. Good job.

Trip- no bro. I only have two minutes to write this and spent five minutes reading that squash. Shame on you. Bring it next round sir. Thank you for showing.

MVGT Sym for the overall more enjoyable read.

[Artifice]

Sym...

A cool read, although somewhat weird, because as Just Write pointed out, the picture is a woman and child, not a man and child. That notwithstanding, your piece was a good read. You developed the story nicely and tied it into the picture well.

it still hurts in liftoff. safety check. touchdown, and taxi.
I don't know what I wanted when we got home… but this… this was the last thing.

that there stood out as a strong couplet. i liked that whole quartet actually, though the burns your throat doesn't really make sense. did u mean the pain of a dry throat?

2triple0

I remember you too. Sometimes you drop something different but cool; most of the time you're off the wall. This is most of the time.

v/ Symetrik

[Razah]

Symetrik:

Confused how you wrote a about a dude.. besides that, this was still enjoyable.

her head rush red but her eyes spoke simply that she loved her big dummy.
his face scrunched, making monkey noises at his little monkey girl.

This part was dope. Not even the rhyme of it or anything, just the.. realness of it. Short & sweet verse, good read. Thanks for not annoying me with your rhyming.

2K:
Opener didn’t rhyme. You be frosting sym? Is this a battle? And, what the fuck does frosting someone mean? Also, it didn’t rhyme.

Conatating? That whole bar left me with the Huhhh face. How old are you? I remember seeing you saying you were kinda’ young. Anyways, I get a feeling Jesodist has a better grasp at the English language than you currently do. I’m soooo confused. It’s like you’ll throw in a line that kind of makes it feel like you’re about to actually write to a topic, but then “diss” him. And, I say “diss” in quotes because for a diss / battle verse, this shit is basura. << That word, is Spanish for trash.

I’m gonna stop reading there. I don’t know what 2K was trying to do, but it ain’t working for me. Also, I feel like ya’ll just sugar coat shit with him for entertainment’s sake.

Anyways, I would finish reading his verse but I feel like I’d just end up being a total dick to the kid. Thanks for the easy vote though.

vSymetrik

[asylum]

mvgt symetrik because his verse was 100% better in every aspect. Verse breakdowns to be included in mag.

[Frank]

MVGT Symetrick

22tripple0 had a couple zinging one liners that stood out to me like a sight for sore eyes. Ambitious effort, but he was simply beaten straight up here. Symetrick loosely depicted story basically was enough to.withstand the tantrum of his opponent. Questionable interpretation, but an.interpretation, nonetheless. Pardon the brevity.