Week 3: Frank vs. Timeless (FRANK WINS 6-0)

[asylum]

Season 6

Verses are due SATURDAY 3/19 11:59 PST

Voting ends MONDAY 3/21 11:59 PST

RULE
Select your own image from the picture thread.
Line Minimum 16
Line Maximum 48


Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic: Indicate which picture from the picture thread you’re writing to when you drop your verse.

Good luck to both participants. @Frank (2-0) @timeless (2-0)

[timeless]

Gripping onto the coattails of extinction with one hand,
Hoping to fire a shot into the crowd but my gun jammed.
All is lost, despair sets in the moment you lose your focus.
Used a motive on death row, now I assume it's broken.
Truth been spoken, one shot wonder through a cracked lens.
Eye on the prize yet it seems my view's in past tense.
Double fist pump reaction, wave hello to the crowd around you.
A city that never sleeps so the town is soundproof.
Let me remind you.. a victory always comes with a rule.
A scratch that won't heal so you're stuck tonguing the roof.
Saved by the bell at noon yet I'm in London by two.
Now you must know why I'm always lunging at you.
Chaotic. Today's topic at hand involves delayed logic.
Amazed? Nonsense. I'm only here on mission to raise prophets.
God listening? Praise Allah, for I am the great Cassius Clay.
A mirrored image of the world, pride with shattered glass encased.



Why don't u just match 16 @Frank ?

[Frank]

"I Am The Greatest" The champion proclaimed into the reporting microphones holded close,
He boldly rose from the podium, as questions flew lefts and rights at him from Journalists with probing notes
Wrapping his hands in the dressing room to protect his corroded bones. Greasing his face to a glowing gloat
Shadow boxing in the presence of his approaching coach, who drapes over his toned shoulders a golden robe
A sold out arena echoes and bellows - As the Champion walks out of his dressing room, posed controlled
He walks out to the ring under the bright lights, an explosive zone of bestowing strobe lights focused on his stroll
The challenger paces with amateur impatience, as the Champion engages the standing ovation: Earlobes implode
"Low and behold, Ladies and Gentlemen, we are live at ringside, in what hopes to be a heroic show"
The promoter boasts, as the Champion and the Challenger get nose to nose, toe to toe, opposing foes
The bell promptly rings as the challenger bobs and weaves, as the animosity of the crowd grows and grows
The Challenger gets jolted with imposing blows that buckle him, as he stumbles into a slower mode
The Champion unloads with stone fists into the broken soul of his opponent, blow for blow, exposing holes in his defense with roaming bolts.
The champion floats and throws punches in combinations that rock the nation tuned in on their radios at home
Saved by the bell, the Challengers face is swelled and his corner traces the welts with a cold enswell, reducing the hematomas
Sloped in the corner, his trainer vocally tortures his fighter who is emotionally broke, eyes swollen closed
Haymaker after haymaker, the Challenger is in grave danger, as the enraged trainer copes from the post
Clinching, the referee steps in and pushes the two fighters away from their encroaching hold
"A glutton for punishment, this Fighter is nothing against the Champion who has unloaded ferociously"
Rolling with the punches, the challenger is hit with voltage to the button, folded from its toll
Rope a dope. The Champion sends the Challenger into a knocked out cold comatose doze
Hitting the canvas, looking up at the invincible champions patented Okie Doke

[Just Write]

nice verses guys,


ok so timeless my only gripe really is that i dont feel you tackled the topic very well, i mean the writing itself was great but i dont understand the whole shooting a gun into the crowd or a couple following lines, really liked the soundproof line though, if i didnt see the pic i would have no clue what you were writing about until the last couple lines where you pronounced the character as cassius clay.. still good writing though


franklin,
lol'd at holded close, what? lol.. other than that unsightly rhyme this was just awesome.. no secret im a fan of your writing since way back

"Low and behold, Ladies and Gentlemen, we are live at ringside, in what hopes to be a heroic show"
The promoter boasts, as the Champion and the Challenger get nose to nose, toe to toe, opposing foes
The bell promptly rings as the challenger bobs and weaves, as the animosity of the crowd grows and grows
The Challenger gets jolted with imposing blows that buckle him, as he stumbles into a slower mode
The Champion unloads with stone fists into the broken soul of his opponent, blow for blow, exposing holes in his defense with roaming bolts.

i probably could have quoted more but this was my favorite section and i think where you picked up speed and just flew across the finish line, i definitely felt like i was right there in the stadium and applaud you for that. bravo brotha.. bravo


this week i am going to go with (no surprise) frank, i felt he really embodied the picture and the fact he stayed on the same rhyme scheme throughout the piece for the most part shows real talent

mvgt=red glare ...errr frank

[Razah]

Timeless, dope verse homie. That closer was so sick to me.

A mirrored image of the world, pride with shattered glass encased.

Dope. I enjoyed the second half more than the first, but it was still a very solid piece. Flow was real clean, rhyming was on point, all that good shit. Although, your opening bars kind of threw me off. Definitely think the second half was more related to the topic.


Frank, dope shit. I'm not going to quote nothing because, to be honest, I don't think you had a line in there that was quotable. What separates you is how you write the over all verse, being descriptive and keeping an engaging flow. I kind of felt like if this was being said over the radio, back when people sat around a radio & "imagined" the fight, this would've been one hell of an announcer. I'm still not sure how I feel about the length of your lines. Seems kind of unfair, it's almost literally putting in 2 bars in every one bar, and what stops it from coming off like that (somewhat) are the internals. Either way, very enjoyable read from both but Frank just hit the topic more to me.

vFrank

[Echo]

i think Frank knew what he had to do to win and did it; it seems unfair, especially as Timeless asked him to match the 16, but it was efficient. Frank dropped 18 lines but the lines were superrr long. it never really gave Timeless much of a chance. it's a cop out and i'm not sure how i feel about it, but it worked

as for what i thought specifically about each verse, well, Timeless wrote a nice verse with some nice phrases and a very dope closing couplet. he didn't give himself ample room to really flesh out his story though due to keeping his lines relatively short and also dropping to the minimum. i think at times the thoughts were a little scattered.

Frank took and extra day and also dropped twice as many lines but the piece was much more fleshed out and it had imagery that transported me. some vivid lines. crisp. i think he struggled at times to carry the rhyme and that made it awkward and clunky at times. the opening line was awkward also. overall it was a verse that made me believe i was at/watching a boxing match. cut out the long lines, though.

so, Frank wrote a piece that was totally immersed in the picture. he created a world. he gets the vote

[Artifice]

dope showing from both of you...

I honestly prefer timeless style of writing, i find it easier to read, and I really like his use of idioms and wordplay in his writing. That being said, I think Frank's piece did a better job of telling a story and relating to the picture. Cool verses from two talented writers, and had timeless' verse painted a more relatable story to the image, he probably would've got my vote, as it stands though...

v/ Frank

[breathless]

Mvgt Frank

Timeless, great piece, if it was a no set topic battle, you would have got the vote from me, your writing was flawless imho, but, I couldn't find the connection to the picture in the least bit, maybe I'm missing something obvious, regardless though, it was a great piece

Frank - your absurd wording and obscenely stretched lines ruined this for me, had you broken it up in 36-40, this coukdve came across so much better. The story is what won this for you. You had some good spots but it was all hit or miss with rhythm, almost like each line was long enough to be it's own separate piece

[symetrik]

timeless

flow

Truth been spoken, one shot wonder through a cracked lens.
Eye on the prize yet it seems my view's in past tense.

Chaotic. Today's topic at hand involves delayed logic.
Amazed? Nonsense. I'm only here on mission to raise prophets.

no

Saved by the bell at noon yet I'm in London by two.
Now you must know why I'm always lunging at you.

the no section though... just barely. everything else had a stronger sense to it. great piece.

frank

flow

The challenger paces with amateur impatience, as the Champion engages the standing ovation: Earlobes implode
"Low and behold, Ladies and Gentlemen, we are live at ringside, in what hopes to be a heroic show"

no

"A glutton for punishment, this Fighter is nothing against the Champion who has unloaded ferociously"
Rolling with the punches, the challenger is hit with voltage to the button, folded from its toll

again, just barely with the no section. just hard to fit in that "ferociously" in my head. piece really came across feeling like a live event.

mvgt @Frank