Week 1: 2Tripple0 vs. Godcomplex (2TRIPPLE0 WINS 4-2)

asylum · 03-01-2016, 01:23 AM

Season 6

Verses are due SATURDAY 3/5 at 12:59 PST. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Voting ends MONDAY 3/7 at 12:59 PST.

Verses may not exceed 16 lines

Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread.

Topic: Ozone Baby

Good luck to both participants. @2tripple0 @Godcomplex

2tripple0 · 03-05-2016, 11:09 AM

Ozone baby

I'm about to split the commotion in my mind
By dividing the horizon separating the ocean and the sky
my house made from brick and I take losses on the chin
So in truth the world seems flat from our perspective
And the universe expands infinitely and speaks for itself
Got a chipped tooth and still got a crook in my neck
Funny really how we only got aminute to prey and a second to die
My manor was disturbed and may that be a lesson to life
its like sitting outside observing from a porch
I end this abrupt like coming up short
Always went head first and my duty was to pleasure
Sitting around ignorant like why ain't my legs work
So I'm observing the pain when it's down to the pressure
Put all these things together and my pattern explains the weather

UnbornBuddha · 03-05-2016, 12:11 PM

As our avatar ascended the stairway to heaven
He sang a paean to forever reverberate his presence.
Though criticism soon inflamed Zeppelin, his airways infected.
The nihilistic critics didn’t see a god; they only saw his ego’s flaws
And tore at him with reviews littered with evil thought.
Despite these uncivil things, his name was etched in history,
You know the thing we use to calculate our brethren’s misery.
Yet, his sweet song decalcified our pineal,
So we’re no longer ostracized for being real.
The tune “Ozone baby” ensured we didn’t go home crazy.
He saved me,
Reminding us we were angels with the scarring of demons
That warped our reasoning, profoundly tarnishing our being.
I love you man; my father dissed you so I set him on fire and startled his sleeping.
Talk about paternal issues… Sapiens need somebody in charge of their godly decisions
Or we fall deeply ill, into a metaphorical sickness. You’re our portal of wisdom.
Our lord Zeppelin is an advanced organism that brings order to systems.

All hail!
Yours truly, Stan.

Just Write · 03-05-2016, 12:49 PM

2trip.. still after all these years I still think you and delicious girl are the greatest troll/aliases around.

That being said, there was actually some sparks of beauty in here ...
I.e. Funny really how we only got aminute to prey and a second to die
My manor was disturbed and may that be a lesson to life

Also appreciated the humor here Always went head first and my duty was to pleasure
Sitting around ignorant like why ain't my legs work

As well as the previous bar, still I don't think it was quite coherent enough for me to get into, especially when only granted 16 lines. Also a few spelling errors bugged me. Overall this was a decent drop, just think IF YOU REALLY WANTES TOO, you could have done better.

GodComplex,

All hail stan!

No but really, this was good.. I don't think I've read from you before... unless you are an alias too? I don't know I've been gone for awhile, either way I really enjoyed this.
Some stand outs for me were

Despite these uncivil things, his name was etched in history,
You know the thing we use to calculate our brethren’s misery

That was noice,

Talk about paternal issues… Sapiens need somebody in charge of their godly decisions
Or we fall deeply ill, into a metaphorical sickness. You’re our portal of wisdom.
Our lord Zeppelin is an advanced organism that brings order to systems.

This whole ending made me smile as well, I even had to grab my dictionary once which is rare (just because I don't write in "fancy words" does not mean I don't know any :p) you remind me of a mix between vividly vague (idk why) and vulgar (da gawd) and I mean the best parts of them, being plot line and vocab, definitely looking forward to more reads from you... both of you.

Good match guys, this one I'm goes to GodComplex this week

Adonis · 03-05-2016, 07:03 PM

2K - This concept never fully developed, but it was close as could be with out going full circle. I liked the read in all honesty. You held more focus than usual and were able to build around a certain idea even if the construction was incomplete. One of the better, more poetical reads I can remember from you since, shit, ever man. Good read.

Buddha - a little homage can go a long way. The read was cool, but, you writing shorter length really takes away your strengths. I assume you sort of just breezed through writing this, but in all honesty, this is a tough vote for me. I won't say you had any errors, but you simply weren't able, or didn't have the real estate really, to fully develop those individual line or bar or paragraph concepts that is you in a nutshell. The read was not bad, and although there was little in much of error, the read did come off as a bit lackluster.

V/ Each writer had a decent approach, and while GC had the better execution, I really really loved the angle 2K went for. He played the topic well, while executing at a good enough level to match his counter part. So, in the end, my vote came down to who had a singular aspect in which I vote with, better, Ie concept, flow, content etc. With that said, 2K had a good enough angle to narrowly nudge my vote

V/ 2K

Mr. J · 03-06-2016, 12:30 AM

PP, I feel like this may be the first time you really brought a decent verse to the table
this was put together with your normal shtick but you seemed more focused this time around
the rhymes actually came off smooth and I feel like you brought a more appealing side out
I feel like short verse may be your calling and if there was ever a league for it you would make it to the semis...
no joking. saying that I feel like you need to find your balance on lines to keep and lines to lose.
this is more of a practice round for you and you shine like twinkle...

Godcomplex, upon reading your verse you bring the standard use of religion.
I love religion concepts I tried to do a lot before I stopped caring about what people wanted to see.
as I continued reading I feel like you really grasp onto the topic and round out your own ideals
your train of thought is unlike any others & your crown is deserved as the leagues champ
some lines could have been chopped out though you tip toed your way over the limit with this one...

v/ I am unsure of how I should judge this one @asylum, this is a very troublesome decision
my heart says I should give it to Godcomplex but my mind knows that there is more to this...
I will need verification before I move on with this vote...well...you already know my vote

after reading these again I am now leaning towards 2K @2tripple0 nice work buddy....keep elevating

MMLP · 03-07-2016, 06:02 AM

trips- this was alright, probs the best of seen of you, worded and condensed nicely. The concept of the ozone/ sky having a sort of ‘will’ and explaining its hardships was a cool concept. GC will have to come decent to beat ya. Good work!
GC- first half was good n I thought you’d landslide this but then it seemed to go off course a bit. Though it was worded better, the overall sense of your topic was like, eh…!

2k’s take entertained me more (it was strung together nicely), I think I have to do the unthinkable!!!! Wasn’t feeling GC’s take. Although it was almost too simple, it was more effective, on me anyways

v/ 2k for enjoyment purposes, good job!

Frank · 03-07-2016, 08:58 PM

MVGT 2Tripple0

2Tripple0 crossed the finish line first here, IMO. 2Tripple0 got off to his quickest startever which amused GC: who watched the inspired 2tripple0 storm out of the gate in unexpected blitz, while precious seconds ticked away. This distraction costed God Complex, who rounded the final lap at his normally high level speed, but was simply upsetted by 2Triple0 greatest gear here.

MVGT 2Tripple0

asylum · 03-07-2016, 10:40 PM

2k – first two lines were really strong bro, best ive seen from you ever. You really did not rhyme to well between second to die and lesson to life.. so that’s going to hurt you. Dude you’ve really come a long way bro. I’m proud of you. I love these last four,
Always went head first and my duty was to pleasure
Sitting around ignorant like why ain't my legs work
So I'm observing the pain when it's down to the pressure
Put all these things together and my pattern explains the weather
It was a little off but it was just dope new and improved 2k. I’m about it man. Keep this shit up, lets get you in the playoffs this season bro.

GC- man it’s nice to read some fresh work from you! Favorite lines..
Despite these uncivil things, his name was etched in history,
You know the thing we use to calculate our brethren’s misery.
Yet, his sweet song decalcified our pineal,
So we’re no longer ostracized for being real.
That was dope as fuck man. I really like the tone of your piece here, rhymes were excellent. I’m not really sure what you’re talking about because my heads all fucked up and this weekend was nuts but I’m going to pick through this later.

Mvgt Godcomplex.. If I was voting on most improved, 2k’d get that. IMHO GC outrhymed his opponent. That's really what made my decision.

03-01-2016, 01:23 AM	#1
asylum Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 999 Battle Record: 7-5 Rep Power: 8214211	Week 1: 2Tripple0 vs. Godcomplex (2TRIPPLE0 WINS 4-2) Season 6 Verses are due SATURDAY 3/5 at 12:59 PST. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS. Voting ends MONDAY 3/7 at 12:59 PST. Verses may not exceed 16 lines Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread. Topic: Ozone Baby Good luck to both participants. @2tripple0 @Godcomplex Last edited by asylum; 03-07-2016 at 11:44 PM.

03-05-2016, 11:09 AM	#2
2tripple0 death warmed over Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Downstairs illstreet dam Posts: 2,564 Battle Record: 6-21 Rep Power: 0	Ozone baby I'm about to split the commotion in my mind By dividing the horizon separating the ocean and the sky my house made from brick and I take losses on the chin So in truth the world seems flat from our perspective And the universe expands infinitely and speaks for itself Got a chipped tooth and still got a crook in my neck Funny really how we only got aminute to prey and a second to die My manor was disturbed and may that be a lesson to life its like sitting outside observing from a porch I end this abrupt like coming up short Always went head first and my duty was to pleasure Sitting around ignorant like why ain't my legs work So I'm observing the pain when it's down to the pressure Put all these things together and my pattern explains the weather __________________ https://soundcloud.com/user-876573949/ https://soundcloud.com/user-634430314/

03-05-2016, 12:11 PM	#3
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	As our avatar ascended the stairway to heaven He sang a paean to forever reverberate his presence. Though criticism soon inflamed Zeppelin, his airways infected. The nihilistic critics didn’t see a god; they only saw his ego’s flaws And tore at him with reviews littered with evil thought. Despite these uncivil things, his name was etched in history, You know the thing we use to calculate our brethren’s misery. Yet, his sweet song decalcified our pineal, So we’re no longer ostracized for being real. The tune “Ozone baby” ensured we didn’t go home crazy. He saved me, Reminding us we were angels with the scarring of demons That warped our reasoning, profoundly tarnishing our being. I love you man; my father dissed you so I set him on fire and startled his sleeping. Talk about paternal issues… Sapiens need somebody in charge of their godly decisions Or we fall deeply ill, into a metaphorical sickness. You’re our portal of wisdom. Our lord Zeppelin is an advanced organism that brings order to systems. All hail! Yours truly, Stan. Last edited by UnbornBuddha; 03-05-2016 at 12:16 PM.

03-05-2016, 07:03 PM	#5
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946449	2K - This concept never fully developed, but it was close as could be with out going full circle. I liked the read in all honesty. You held more focus than usual and were able to build around a certain idea even if the construction was incomplete. One of the better, more poetical reads I can remember from you since, shit, ever man. Good read. Buddha - a little homage can go a long way. The read was cool, but, you writing shorter length really takes away your strengths. I assume you sort of just breezed through writing this, but in all honesty, this is a tough vote for me. I won't say you had any errors, but you simply weren't able, or didn't have the real estate really, to fully develop those individual line or bar or paragraph concepts that is you in a nutshell. The read was not bad, and although there was little in much of error, the read did come off as a bit lackluster. V/ Each writer had a decent approach, and while GC had the better execution, I really really loved the angle 2K went for. He played the topic well, while executing at a good enough level to match his counter part. So, in the end, my vote came down to who had a singular aspect in which I vote with, better, Ie concept, flow, content etc. With that said, 2K had a good enough angle to narrowly nudge my vote V/ 2K __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR

03-06-2016, 12:30 AM	#6
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	PP, I feel like this may be the first time you really brought a decent verse to the table this was put together with your normal shtick but you seemed more focused this time around the rhymes actually came off smooth and I feel like you brought a more appealing side out I feel like short verse may be your calling and if there was ever a league for it you would make it to the semis... no joking. saying that I feel like you need to find your balance on lines to keep and lines to lose. this is more of a practice round for you and you shine like twinkle... Godcomplex, upon reading your verse you bring the standard use of religion. I love religion concepts I tried to do a lot before I stopped caring about what people wanted to see. as I continued reading I feel like you really grasp onto the topic and round out your own ideals your train of thought is unlike any others & your crown is deserved as the leagues champ some lines could have been chopped out though you tip toed your way over the limit with this one... v/ I am unsure of how I should judge this one @asylum, this is a very troublesome decision my heart says I should give it to Godcomplex but my mind knows that there is more to this... I will need verification before I move on with this vote...well...you already know my vote after reading these again I am now leaning towards 2K @2tripple0 nice work buddy....keep elevating __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you Last edited by Mr. J; 03-07-2016 at 10:35 PM.

03-05-2016, 12:49 PM	#4
Just Write Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,709 Battle Record: 9-12 Rep Power: 4997617	2trip.. still after all these years I still think you and delicious girl are the greatest troll/aliases around. That being said, there was actually some sparks of beauty in here ... I.e. Funny really how we only got aminute to prey and a second to die My manor was disturbed and may that be a lesson to life Also appreciated the humor here Always went head first and my duty was to pleasure Sitting around ignorant like why ain't my legs work As well as the previous bar, still I don't think it was quite coherent enough for me to get into, especially when only granted 16 lines. Also a few spelling errors bugged me. Overall this was a decent drop, just think IF YOU REALLY WANTES TOO, you could have done better. GodComplex, All hail stan! No but really, this was good.. I don't think I've read from you before... unless you are an alias too? I don't know I've been gone for awhile, either way I really enjoyed this. Some stand outs for me were Despite these uncivil things, his name was etched in history, You know the thing we use to calculate our brethren’s misery That was noice, Talk about paternal issues… Sapiens need somebody in charge of their godly decisions Or we fall deeply ill, into a metaphorical sickness. You’re our portal of wisdom. Our lord Zeppelin is an advanced organism that brings order to systems. This whole ending made me smile as well, I even had to grab my dictionary once which is rare (just because I don't write in "fancy words" does not mean I don't know any :p) you remind me of a mix between vividly vague (idk why) and vulgar (da gawd) and I mean the best parts of them, being plot line and vocab, definitely looking forward to more reads from you... both of you. Good match guys, this one I'm goes to GodComplex this week

03-07-2016, 06:02 AM	#7
MMLP Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 614 Battle Record: 15-16 Champed - Write Week 9 Rep Power: 9768091	trips- this was alright, probs the best of seen of you, worded and condensed nicely. The concept of the ozone/ sky having a sort of ‘will’ and explaining its hardships was a cool concept. GC will have to come decent to beat ya. Good work! GC- first half was good n I thought you’d landslide this but then it seemed to go off course a bit. Though it was worded better, the overall sense of your topic was like, eh…! 2k’s take entertained me more (it was strung together nicely), I think I have to do the unthinkable!!!! Wasn’t feeling GC’s take. Although it was almost too simple, it was more effective, on me anyways v/ 2k for enjoyment purposes, good job!

03-07-2016, 08:58 PM	#8
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853347	MVGT 2Tripple0 2Tripple0 crossed the finish line first here, IMO. 2Tripple0 got off to his quickest startever which amused GC: who watched the inspired 2tripple0 storm out of the gate in unexpected blitz, while precious seconds ticked away. This distraction costed God Complex, who rounded the final lap at his normally high level speed, but was simply upsetted by 2Triple0 greatest gear here. MVGT 2Tripple0 __________________ *VETWORK* Last edited by Frank; 03-07-2016 at 09:03 PM.

03-07-2016, 10:40 PM	#9
asylum Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 999 Battle Record: 7-5 Rep Power: 8214211	2k – first two lines were really strong bro, best ive seen from you ever. You really did not rhyme to well between second to die and lesson to life.. so that’s going to hurt you. Dude you’ve really come a long way bro. I’m proud of you. I love these last four, Always went head first and my duty was to pleasure Sitting around ignorant like why ain't my legs work So I'm observing the pain when it's down to the pressure Put all these things together and my pattern explains the weather It was a little off but it was just dope new and improved 2k. I’m about it man. Keep this shit up, lets get you in the playoffs this season bro. GC- man it’s nice to read some fresh work from you! Favorite lines.. Despite these uncivil things, his name was etched in history, You know the thing we use to calculate our brethren’s misery. Yet, his sweet song decalcified our pineal, So we’re no longer ostracized for being real. That was dope as fuck man. I really like the tone of your piece here, rhymes were excellent. I’m not really sure what you’re talking about because my heads all fucked up and this weekend was nuts but I’m going to pick through this later. Mvgt Godcomplex.. If I was voting on most improved, 2k’d get that. IMHO GC outrhymed his opponent. That's really what made my decision.